GCSE Teenage Hell!!!

[finnbarr]

Hey all.
My and DH are beside ourselves. My (D)SS is 15 and NINE weeks before the beginning of his GSCE exams.
His mocks were atrocious...he came out with one result that wasn't a fail. His response? He apparently has no motivation, can't be bothered, and just seem to have given up on everything.

He isn't interested in anything. Getting him to revise is like pulling teeth.
DH wants to send him back to his mother as he seems to work better there. He just doesn't care and I don't know what to do- tried bad cop/good cop/friend/task master/ EVERYTHING!

We've punished, threatened, used rewards, everything. It scares me how he is throwing his life away and he just doesn't care!!!

Sorry to add....
We went to school today and they told us he needed to drop one of his choices if he is to stand any chance of passing the rest of his exams.
He's a bright boy just incredibly lazy and have no idea of how he lost his way! Advice, hugs, anything welcome!

OK I had oneof these too, not that he didn't try he was just no good at exams and just about scraped through. I tried everything to get him to revise and look into the future then I changed track, asked him what he wanted in life, sports car, house, dog, wife (IYSWIM) and told him in no uncertain terms that all these cost money, lots of money and the only way to afford them is to get a well paid job and to get one of them you need qualifications. The problem with most schools is that once boys reach this age the school tends to stop trying to motivate them and only concentrate on those who are ambitious and keen and many fall by the wayside and float on with the least amount of work. Mine did go to college A levels are so much better for them when they don't have to study for the dross (ie maths and english) and he was a changed boy he did 1 A level and the rest were Btec in subjects that were interesting, mind you he had to convince the college he was going to be motivated as his GCSE's results were appalling. when his GCSE results came through even he realised that he had wasted his time not studying as hard as he could have and that served as a wake up call for him.

Talk to him as an adult find out what he would like to study at college, do when he leaves college or what career he has in mind if he doesn't know go through the list of careers and cross out those he wouldn't even think of doing as a start, mine didn't want an office job, get his hands dirty, get up early, commute, etc etc.

I talked about the future all the time about how nice is it to afford 'stuff' rather than studying and school. Mine has had 2 temp jobs since the summer leaving with good work references and although he is unemployed at the moment there is hope he will be fully employed in the near future doing somthing 'interesting' rather than mundane (teenagers! god help us)
most of all keep a sense of humour about the house
will he at least get mostly C's in his exams? as this seems to be the minimum for college acceptance these days

He wanted to Go to Welbeck (sixth form defence college) to be an engineer in the RAF, but flunked his interview as he hadn't done enough work on it, but tbh he never really seemed that bothered!!
He doesn't know what he wants to do. He cried his eyes out last night saying he wasn't worth it and was going to get straight Es, but when asked what he wanted to do, what we could do to help, etc etc he just shrugged and said nothing.
I dunno! He just seems to have given up!
The worst thing about it is he was predicted As and Bs but he's done so little work the school are now looking at him dropping everything but the core subjects in the hope he'll be able to focus better on fewer and get Cs!!

oh the poor soul, plenty of teenage angst there then too. Mine had tears too first of all tell him about the sort of careers out there start at A and work your way through the alphabet (accountancy - zoo keeper) helps them think no use asking him to come up with career options or choices they really don't have a clue. Is there a alpha male he could talk to? ie someone sucessful in life like a relative or family friend, tell him all is not lost there are other ways into the RAF if he wants it bad enough, and no one ends up doing the job they want, we all sort of fall into a career really. Dont lose hope at this age they are struggling with body changes, moods, depression, their brains are changing so fast its like a whirlwind trying to figure it (life) all out and yet in the meantime they are expected to continue to succeed. The rotary club offers help for interviewing skills or at least they did for my boy.

It also sounds as though he may have some depression and a trip to the docs might be in order just to get him checked out both mentally and physically, how is he sleeping? I have to make sure mine gets sleep and get him even now to drink coke if I find him falling into depression.Is he getting any fresh air or doing any physical activities

He plays rugby twice a week and he loves it! He showing signs of depression but it also could be his sulky "oh woe is me I'm a poor hard done to boy" state he gets in when he's been caught out! Sounds harsh but we've had many an issue with him in the past and when he's challenged on something he's thought he could get away with he goes into this mood! My dad was in the RAF and we know there's alternatives but I doubt he was actually bothered about it in the first place tbh. He's got a chemistry resit on Thursday so I'll be helping him cram! He just seems so very lost!

Can you get a tutor for some of the academic subjects? If he was predicted As and Bs he probably has the smarts if not the motivation. May help get something in! Appreciate though they are expensive and depends on where you live on how easy they are to find.

I've used tutors in the past and found it useful if only to make you less anxious and feel less responsible for your DS's performance.

Lots of these boys around!

I sympathise.

My dd, 16 is being an absolute nightmare too

I have a thread here somewhere about it, lots of helpful suggestions on it

I will lurk here and see if I get any more (everything so far has had limited effect, tbqh)