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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is Prom really worth all the hassle!

21 replies

purplecupcake · 03/02/2012 11:15

My DD3's prom is coming up in May, and were already discussing each and every option of it daily.. I wish it would hurry up and be done with! Im sure she thinks money grows on trees, why is everything related to prom so damn expensive. We have the dress.. got a good bargain i think, was £320 but in the sale at £95. Then she wants all the accessories, as well as hair, make-up and nails and limo .. now shes talking about an after party, how everyone has an after party and so her and her friends will need to organise one.. Is there no end to all this!

OP posts:

SecretSquirrels · 03/02/2012 13:04

What prom?
Sorry couldn't resist that as a mother of boys. It simply doesn't feature on their radar. I know there is one some time in the summer term and I have a DS in Y11. I imagine he will mention it the day before.

Original poster

purplecupcake · 03/02/2012 13:59

please please please can we trade children for a while, its all she ever goes on about ..

OP posts:

SecretSquirrels · 03/02/2012 16:05

You know as a child with a sister, when I imagined myself grown up with children they were girls. When I had two boys I wondered how I would ever know how to handle boys.
16 years later and girls are like a different species to me, so male dominated is my life. So yes a bit of girly shopping would make a lovely change from hearing about the finer points of astro physics or medieval warfare .

Minx179 · 03/02/2012 22:29

I'm of a similar mind to Secret Squirrel.

Two boys here, neither showed any interest in their prom's and refused to go.

On a personal level when I have heard friends (usually with daughters) talk about the costs/expectation involved, I do thank god I don't have daughters.

Not being a girly woman myself I'm not sure how I would cope with prom fever. You have my empathy

cinnamonnut · 04/02/2012 09:09

I didn't even go to mine. My friends all went, and while they enjoyed it a lot, they said that the build-up to it was so big that they all felt almost a bit disappointed.

ZenNudist · 04/02/2012 09:22

It's a shame they are so influenced by celebrity culture. What does an 'after-party' involve exactly? It sounds like lunacy, how old is she? I think 'prom' is shaping up to be this milestone event in young lives with a pressure on parents to stump up to make it perfect. Once a few parents cave in then everyone else feels obliged to go all out, you do want dc to have fun.... Also £95 is a lot for a dress for a teen, hopefully she can use it again for other big social occasions?

SecretSquirrels · 04/02/2012 10:32

DS2 in Year nine reckons the girls start the planning the day they start Year7.
It has gone too far I think. Such high expectations can only lead to disappointment. Or perhaps the planning is the best bit?

webwiz · 04/02/2012 13:54

I think you might be right about the planning SecretSquirrels I think it provides a bit of a distraction from the stress of GCSEs and people going on about how hard they need to work.

DD1 went on and on about her prom all the way through year 11. One of her friends mothers organised a party where all the girls got their "colours" done so that they knew what colour of prom dress they should buy. I was completely about all that and the who was going in the limo and who wasn't caused no end of angst. There was an after party as well, other parents are obviously nicer than me if they are happy to have a load of teenagers staying over at their house (yes it was the "colours" mum again!). I think did a lot of tuning out when she started up about it.

DD2 was much more relaxed about it all and I'm fully expecting DS to be completely uninterested.

SebastionTheCrab · 04/02/2012 14:04

webwiz that made me chuckle.
Mine are not teens yet but I always read this board with interest as I get quite nervous at the prospect of 3 teen DDs in a few years!
I can already guess who will be the ''colours'' mum of my DDs friends.

petal2008 · 04/02/2012 14:47

My DS has hardly mentioned it thankfully apart from clarifying if he needed to take a date. What do the boys wear - should I be sorting something? My hairdresser refuses to do the hair of the prom girls as she says they are horrendous and worse than brides who are quite calm in comparison.

TwoStepsBack · 04/02/2012 14:51

DS1 & 2 have had their proms in the last few years. All the boys seemed to wear suits.

Luckily I managed to use the same suit twice otherwise it would have been a waste of money.

Greenshadow · 04/02/2012 15:11

Yeah, they do seem to be expected to wear full suits - locally it is not just any old suit but the full black tie/dinner jacket thing.

DS2 just wore his Dads but DS1 is very tall and we ended up having to buy one for him. Marks and Spensers do basic dinner jacket suits for barely any more than you would pay to hire (and considerably less than most girls pay out).

nagynolonger · 04/02/2012 15:15

DS1 and DD boths went to theirs. It was held at an hotel and several friends booked rooms for the night. They didn't bother with expensive transport but did use hotel pool etc during the afternoon. DDs dress was expensive but the girls all did each others hair and make-up. We just hired a suit for DS1 but we would have been better to buy one because he went to 'dos' at university and ended up buying anyway.
DS2 and DS3 didn't go to their prom because they wanted to play cricket the next day and their mates didn't go. Numbers are limited anyway and lots don't bother.
DS4 16 and DS5 15 haven't even given it any thought. It is a long way off.

aloiseb · 05/02/2012 05:37

I hadn't realised how Americanised it had all become until DD (y11) dragged took me Prom dress shopping yesterday. I did think she looked gorgeous, and so alarmingly grown-up (sob) in the dress she is probably going to get, but ouch, the price tag
I've never had a dress that expensive (£200+) except when I got married - no school prom when I was a lad. Knowing DD, it will probably not quite "do" for a formal dress in the future either. I will probably agree to pay about half...it will stop her frittering away her cash in Costa for the next few months, anyway.
(and I will be saved pointless rows in TKMaxx - suddenly it's sounding worth the money)
From what she's told me, there are 2 camps in the school (which is a state school but one with a lot of v rich pupils, largely cos they don't have to pay school fees). Camp 1 is fully into the whole thing, with £200 being almost bargain basement for a dress -some are having hand made! - and although I hadn't heard about any helicopters I wouldn't be surprised. Camp 2 is an Anti-Prom group which seems to include everybody I know who is more frugal with the cash, for whatever reason. I don't know what they will do on the night - have a demo I hope, rather than head for McDonalds which is also capitalist nonsense anyway.
I think I do want DD to be gorgeous for the night .....just crossing my fingers it doesn't cause ructions among her friends, who have been shaping up to be a right bunch of prom queens since Y7......

webwiz · 05/02/2012 13:44

Luckily I am a bit of a dab hand with a sewing needle so I made my DD's dresses (and one for one of DD1's friends) with a total cost of around £50 each. I just couldn't bring myself to spend £200 on a prom dress so I don't know what would have happened if I couldn't sew - some extensive bargain hunting I think.

gettingalifenow · 05/02/2012 14:46

It's all we hear too - already all the girls in DD's year have put on Facebook the dress they have chosen so that it's 'reserved' and no one else can choose it.

My dd has 'reserved' one from an American outlet which she expects I'll let her have.... Personally I want to go actual shopping and get one, not order one on line!

mrsjay · 06/02/2012 09:30

my dd had her prom last year and tbh it all 6thyear (scotland ) seemed to be about drove me insane , but keep it in prespective and its just a dance

but it is lovely seeing them al done up with their friends on the night , my dds dress wasnt expensive they didnt do limos except 1 who got dropped off in a sports car and had 2 dresses WHAT !!
but they al left from school on a coach , i read on here that a school was having a prom fayre feck that , and i saw a prom magazine at the weekend sigh I have another dd to go it was a bit stressy as they want to look right but keep it low key imo is the way to go

MadAboutHotChoc · 06/02/2012 09:38

try ebay for cheap prom dresses

noddyholder · 06/02/2012 09:41

My ds and his mates made a right song and a dance about it! They were very competitive in teh clothes hair etc. Looked like a scene from the great gatsby when the photos were back! It is a nice memory but the £ is mad.Ds and his class hired a double decker bus to take them it was very cheap iirc

sue52 · 06/02/2012 12:07

DD has got 2 proms this year. Her's and her boyfriend's. DH can't understand why DD thinks that means two dresses, pairs of shoes plus professional hair and make up. It's costing a bloody fortune and DH is beginning to froth. I'm not doing limos, just giving the a quick hose down.

schoolchauffeur · 06/02/2012 12:22

It's all gone mad since our day- disco in the local football club was our "prom"- went on shank's pony, got my dress in Dorothy Perkins for what was then an outrageous £20 ( well it was 1984....) and we had a brilliant time- did each other's hair and makeup- the best bit was the getting ready at a mate's house with a bottle of asti spumante ( height of sophistication for an 18 year old in 1984) but I don't remember all the planning etc And I had the last dance with the best looking boy in the local boys school ( went to an all girls so they were drafted in to be dance partners) and a kiss goodnight - never saw him again!!

DDs school did theirs in a marquee ( already set up for end of year prize giving), they decorated it all themselves in spare time, all got bargain dresses,did each others hair- talked of nothing else for weeks in advance, but at least it was cheap.

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