shy and antisocial

[Libermonkey]

Only one is a teenager - he's 18, and my older son turned 21 yesterday (!) My perennial worry is that they both seem to have trouble making and keeping friends. My older boy seems to be beginning to realise this for himself, or at least has mentioned it for the first time; the younger one is extremely shy and seems unwilling to try and make contact. Can I help them now? Where did I go wrong? We always had friends to tea and play dates when they were little, but once they hit secondary school they never had anyone round at all!

Perhaps you could think of something fun to do (haven't thought quite what yet [blush) that DS2 needs a friend to do it with him (paintballing/gokarting that sort of thing)? Perhaps DS just prefers his own company.

Does he actually seem to be bothered about not having friends round? Lots of teens only really see friends at school, and don't seem to have much of a social life, or else it consists mainly of chatting on Facebook etc! If it doesn't make him unhappy, then I'd leave him to it.

If he does want to do more, is there anything like a youth club where teens hang out in your area? My DS found one in our local town which was really just a hang-out place rather than organising activities, and he enjoyed going along there certain evenings. He was never much of a one for having mates round, but had plenty of company at school and at the youth club, and that seemed to suit him.

thank you, people. It's such a minor worry compared to what other people go through. I suppose they'll just have to sort it out for themselves when they are ready - and in my more rational moments I don't really think there's anything more I can do now, or even would have done very differently given the time again.