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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenage DS has just asked me something

82 replies

frumpet · 27/11/2011 13:25

He is 17 and wants his girlfriend to stay the night ,in his room . Gut instinct is no ,what do you all think ?

OP posts:
Original poster
frumpet · 27/11/2011 13:41

DS swears blind they wont do anything Grin
Will go have a chat about contraception and ruin his chilled out sunday !

OP posts:
higgle · 27/11/2011 13:42

My DS2 is 17 , his GF is 16. Her parents are both teachers and are happy to let them sleep together at their house. I let them sleep together here. They have been together 8 months and are very close and considerate with each other. I don't see any problem with it.

Maryz · 27/11/2011 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
frumpet · 27/11/2011 13:43

I have an 8 year old DD and a nearly two year old DS aswell.

OP posts:
scarletfingernail · 27/11/2011 13:44

I think I'd agree to it after checking with her parents that they were ok with it and you trust him to have safe sex.

I'd rather have him shagging at home than have them doing it somewhere else. Put it this way, if you say no it won't stop them from having sex anyway and you won't have the knowledge that he's at home safe.

My DS is no where near teenage years, I'm just basing it on what my parents allowed me to do at that age. My then boyfriend was allowed to stay over in my room and it didn't lead to me going off the rails.

Malificence · 27/11/2011 13:44

Yes, absolutely. Long term partners but not one night stands.
17 is old enough to be married.

Original poster
frumpet · 27/11/2011 13:44

Its just soooo tempting as i know he will tidy his room !

OP posts:
Original poster
frumpet · 27/11/2011 13:46

TBH i dont think she would be very comfortable in his single bed with him anyway ,he is all angular ,with sharp elbows and knees .

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brighthair · 27/11/2011 13:49

My mum let me have my boyfriend stay over from being 17. It was nice just to wake up with him. Oddly (or not) we never had sex there, and I've never had sex under my parents roof

tooearlymustdache · 27/11/2011 13:50

i'd tell him she could stay over, but he has to sleep on the sofa in the lounge.

if he kicked off or objected unreasonably (and only you know what is unreasonable, for your DS) then i'd change it to a definite no, if he was OK with that suggestion, i'd keep it at that, and perhaps 'change my mind' to let her sleep in his room on the actual day

but then again i'm sneaky

JollySergeantJackrum · 27/11/2011 13:51

frumpet, you have made me giggle so much with the room tidying comment.

If you are comfortable with it, and she tells her parents the truth about where she is going then I'd say it's fine.

kerrymumbles · 27/11/2011 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kerrymumbles · 27/11/2011 13:56

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HandMini · 27/11/2011 13:56

Yes, if:

  • steady girlfriend
  • she's over 16
  • you have met her parents and you know that they are OK with her staying
  • he's generally a considerate type
  • you've had a chat about contraception
  • you make it clear that it's to be an ocassional thing and definitely on a "pre agreed" basis only, ie, no bringing home some random from the pub
maypole1 · 27/11/2011 13:57

1- you must check with the girls parents this is ok because god forbid she says she staying at a mates house and really is at yours.

2- both you and the girls parents must make sure she is on some form on contraception not condoms because they should both be protecting themselves

3- and if for any reason she did become pregnant or your son got a std you must understand the blame lays squarely at your feet

no doubt this will be seen as a single that all girlfriends can be brought round for a shag he is not a adult despite what others have said

i very much doubt he pays his own bills, cooks and cleans for himself which is what a adult dose the mear fact hes had to ask just cerments he is a child

i do not have to ask if i want a sleep over because i am a adult

Original poster
frumpet · 27/11/2011 14:00

will go and ask him to get her parents to ring me so i can check with them how they feel . He can sleep on a blow up bed in DDs room , after all if they arent going to be doing anything they can cuddle all they like till bedtime cant they ?

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maypole1 · 27/11/2011 14:00

oh and would certianly not agree if he is not behaving with in anyother part of family or collage life

eg not if hes a layabout or not doing well at school ect giving cheek because if he breeaks the rules you have set already their is no reason to think he will stick to new ones around this situation.

also i would make your son ask the girls father himself if he dosent have the balls to ask he shouldnt be doing it

kerrymumbles · 27/11/2011 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Selks · 27/11/2011 14:02

What Handmini said. I would also impress on him that I do not want to hear anything - no bed squeaking.

My son and daughter had their boyfriend/girlfriend to stay over occasionally from 17, usually if they had both been out together of an evening. To be honest I preferred it that my daughter travelled home in the company of her boyfriend than on her own.

maypole1 · 27/11/2011 14:02

frumpet he should be asking her parents to ring you not getting her to ask her parents to ring its him who wants her to stay

Original poster
frumpet · 27/11/2011 14:04

No he isnt a layabout ,he is on a warning at school though for two of his subjects , it would be difficult for him to bring random people home from the pub though as he isnt allowed out at the moment ,except under exceptional circunstances . I can be quite a scary mummy when required Grin

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AmberLeaf · 27/11/2011 14:12

I would allow it.

They are both over the age of consent, My eldest son is 15 and we have been discussing safe sex and relationship issues for some time now, so I would be ok with it if he was the same age as your son.

maypole1 · 27/11/2011 14:13

frumpet i would be in a mind to tell him when he can behave at school then he can start talking about having overnight guests and that is a privilege for the well behaved.
and if you cant trust him at school to do what is required how can you trust him with having his gf over.

because it seems he has bigger fish to fry at the moment that haveing sleep overs

SenseofEntitlement · 27/11/2011 14:15

He is 17 fgs! He should be allowed to bring his girlfriend back to his home. It might be different if he had moved out, but, really?

squeakytoy · 27/11/2011 14:16

I wouldnt.

Teenage relationships rarely last long, and what happens when he meets the next girlfriend. You will have set a precedent and before you know it there could be a revolving door of girlfriends on a sunday morning.

Half the fun at that age is sneaking about on the sofa while you are babysitting, or your parents are out.. not having it handed to you on a plate by liberal parents.