she talks to me like shit

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

every single interaction i've had with my 14 year old dd for the last god knows how long has been negative. she talks to me like shit. it doesn't matter what i do for her she's never happy, no amount of money is enough no matter how much i give her. can't ever please her, never grateful for anything i do or lifts i give her.

I'm fucking pissed off with it.

there, I said it.

Stop giving her gifts, money and lifts. She'll soon remember her manners.

yea i think shes taking you for granted, i know with my own teenager its so,so hard to be strict and not bend over backwards helping them out all the time but you have got to toughen up, shes still at a sweet age and needs you as a firm role model who she can respect.

I'm really sorry. It is hell, I agree, when your child behaves like this - it's deeply hurtful for obvious reasons.

Obviously, you've got to be there for your DD, got to provide for her and do your best to keep on loving. But can you, within all of that, take a back seat for a while? Could you interact a bit less - that is do your best not to put yourself in a position where she can speak unkindly to you? Can you give fewer lifts, while keeping her safe, and certainly less money?

This isn't revenge - not at all. It's looking after yourself and helping her realise that you are a very important part of her life and family - you deserve a bit of peace right now.

Is talking to her, when she's in a reasonable frame of mind, any good? What's she like at school? Is she unhappy there or anywhere else? I'm wondering if there's some reason for her behaviour other than simply being a teenager.

Hope tomorrow's better. BTW - it may be little consolation now, but these teenagers so often get nicer ....

jesus, i just realised i posted another thread on here a few weeks ago about the exact same thing.

how much longer will this go on for

How long has this been going on for? Did it start suddenly- what do you think started it?

would it be ridiculous to write her a letter to tell her how hurt you are by this and remind her how much you do love her?

It gets better. They mature a bit, slowly, week by week

How far off 15 is she? I find as they approach 16, school leaving and exams loom and they wise up. Hang in there

And I agree with other poster who said interact a little less.

i'm too tired to think straight but thanks to you all, i always get wisdom and sympathy here.

sigh. tomorrow is another day.

I'd start attaching some strings to the money. My 15 and 12 year olds both get a set monthly allowance. I don't go over that, ever, so they know that nagging or asking for money is useless, which cuts out some arguments right away. But they have to do some chores around the house, and do them willingly, and be reasonably polite (I ignore eye rolling, deep sighs, glaring etc!). If they ever swore at me/ spoke to me like dirt/ engaged in any other behaviour I disapproved of like smoking etc I would cut their allowance quicker than they could blink, and they know it. Money talks louder than anything at this age. Without money they have no social life, and social life is everything .

Their whole childhood, if they've had spells of being ungrateful (always wanting more, nothing ever enough, moaning when they're given a treat that they wanted a better treat) I've always taken it as a warning that I'm giving them too much, and cut some of the treats. I don't hold it over them as any sort of punishment, just quietly stop giving them so much for a while. "I haven't got the money to" usually suffices.

In a non confrontational moment you could also ask her how she feels about her life, anything bothering her etc, just to check there is nothing else going on.