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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Tough love

5 replies

apnaguella · 15/11/2011 07:32

I have told my 18 yr old daughter to move out and now I'm the "worst f*ing mother in the world" :(. She dropped out of college, works part time but wont contribute anything towards the house (not that I ask for much). She is so angry all the time, which is my fault as I don't listen to her. Hardly surprising when she doesn't talk to me she shouts and screams! Everything seems like a battle and it feels like the house is ruled by her and her mood. My partner and his son live here too and it is having a negative effect on everyone. Any advice

OP posts:
HattiFattner · 15/11/2011 07:33

you have done the right thing. It will be the making of her. She is an adult now, and needs to learn to live in the real world.

Make sure you invite her for Christmas.

weevilswobble · 15/11/2011 07:43

Take her out for the day, involve a long walk without phones or ipod, have a long pub lunch and talk to her about whats going on.
Ask her about her dreams and where she'd like to be, ask her who she'd like to be like. Tell her that you love her and remind her of all the highlights of the last 18 years. Talk to her about her positive attributes and what she has to offer the world. Prepare her to sail off out into the world as an adult. Be the best Mum in the world by boosting her self esteem and not saying anything you regret.
My 18 yr old daughter went off in sept to be an au pair in France. Due back at Christmas. She dropped out of college, was depressed and low and angry. I was glad to see the back of her. I'm really proud now that she uses everything she learnt from me now in helping the family shes with and has just bagged herself a new job with a v wealthy family in Paris for 2 yrs. Now shes gone! Sad
If teenagers weren't as awful as they are they'd never want to leave and never grow up, this stage is the rocket fuel to propel her away from home and childhood. Make it as positive as possible!

rarebreed · 15/11/2011 08:12

My Mum told my younger sister to leave when she was 18, after an intolerable 2 years of awful behaviour towards Mum and her partner. It was the making of her, once she had bills to pay it really made her realise how easy she had had it at home.

She says that she was very angry about Mum and her Dad splitting up (4 years earlier!) but she is now very ashamed of her behaviour and has apologised to them. She has also realised that her father is not the poor wronged person she thought he was, she went through a rough time with her BF and her dad wasn't interested, it was mums partner that went and picked her up, nand she is now living back at Mums and all is peaceful.

Mum was very distressed at the time of kicking her out,they had always been so close, but she had no choice

Hatti is right, it will be the making of her, but give it time, and make it clear that although you don't like her behaviour you will always be there for her and love her.

Original poster
apnaguella · 15/11/2011 21:12

Thank u. Its helpful to know I'm not the only one that's has had to make such a hard decision. I'm sure in time we will be able to talk

OP posts:
rarebreed · 16/11/2011 12:59

My sister loved the drama of it all, would call my Mum up and say awful things to her, so Mum cut off the drama supply and would just reply 'that's not true sweetheart, please call me back when you have calmed down. I love you' and would then hang up.

Eventually she learnt that emotional blackmail and sarcasm just wouldn't be tolerated any more.

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