How much do you spend on your teens christmas and birthday presents?

[notjustme]

Just that really!

Same as I did when she was younger?

DD is an only child. It varies a bit from year to year, like one Christmas she had a laptop which was about £600, and last year she had a straightener and hair dryer set which came to about £250. Will usually get a nice item of clothing (branded jumper, or shoes), a perfume set and I'll do a stocking of smellies/underwear/essentials for her too.

Birthdays I'll usually spend around abouts the same. Got her a Tiffany necklace and some clothes and smellies. Seems like I spend the most on my child out of all my friends/siblings- but I don't begrudge her of anything as she had a saturday job since she was 13 and buys me and DH lovely presents, that are very expensive compared to some of my friends whose DCs just get them a box of chocolates and a christmas card.

I know that it's the thought that counts, but I don't mind spoiling her on birthdays/christmas because she buys for all of the family out of her own wages, spends ages wrapping them nice and is generally thoughtful :)

Birthday - about £40.
Xmas - £40 main present, and about £30 of little presents.

Christmas - about £200 each child between me and DH for everything, Birthdays, £100 present + £100 on outing/treat - again split between me and DH

Depends what they need, both my teenagers are doing d of e awards sohave had walking boots and jackets for birthdays about £200each and probably £150 for xmas,easily probably more when a ds game and dvds are added. They have 2 younger brothers who probably get the same amount, its crazy when its all added up.

Depends what they want but less than I can afford. That's it.

A lot more than when she was smaller, but it is stuff which is really useful and will last for years (moped, laptop, camera) or something which she is desperate to do and which I wouldn't fork out for in the normal scheme of things (skiing holiday to Switzerland with school)

I'm so sorry for posting such a boring repetitive post.

I quite frankly couldn't give two hoots what 'anyone else thinks' however we're having trouble with a teen who despite knowing that we are having a struggle this year money wise, despite having had it laid on the line just what the situation is, still expects us to conjure up all of her wishes. Her birthday and xmas are very close together and even since the convo yesterday morning where we told her we just have very little money, she is asking for near enough £700 of presents and party, and thinks that it's a completely reasonable amount to ask for. She's going to be disappointed, unfortunately :(

Notjustme - not all of us have been on here for years and heard it all before!

I think these sort of threads are quite useful to help you work out if you are being reasonable or just plain mad - you can't rely on what your children say about "everyone else" FWIW my sons' friends vary from those who have comparatively little spent on them to those who get quite large handouts ( though mainly from affluent grandparents, not parents) If the only things a child actually wants are hugely expensive I think there is a problem, a well chosen book, some art stuff, odd bits of quirky clothing or something individual that you think about a lot before buying are the sort of things that really bring the most pleasure. ( Or should). I once worked for a very wealthy man who had five children, all privately educated, his 11 year old daughter had a hamster that died, and I asked if he was going to replace it, he said only if she worked for it.

700 quid! Wow, she is definitely BU .
One rule of thumb I like is not to spend more than 1.5% of your annual income on Christmas (food, all gifts, etc.)

Don't know who else you're buying for, OP, but a 700 quid spend on a single child would be 2.5% of a 28k income, already too much for most households.

I spend a little over that - but I do some ebaying in the autumn which usually makes about £200 or so that goes into the kitty.

Notjustme

I answered you honestly.

I don't spend more than I can afford.

If my teenager expected me to spend more that we can afford, the answer is really simple. Tough.

And to be honest, if you explain your predicament rather than just saying 'that's it really' then we can answer accordingly without assuming that this is one of the 100s of 'ooh, how much do you spend on a three year old and five year old and a poodle' threads

And I never, ever, ever parent according to what my children tell me that everyone else gets/does/buys.
That way madness lies.

i think these threads are useful. its a fairly innocuous thread...at first glance. Is it a full moon or something becuase every body wants a row all the fucking time.

right.

we always spent £100 each for xmas. when they reach 18 they get £50

this is not to do with them being 18 but more to do with 2 of them have moved out and have long term partners so - we spend on them too.

so there you are i have three kids who are 18 and over and they get £50 each worth of stuff at xmas

That percentage idea is a good one, ragged :)

How many people, had I posted saying the full story, would have simply replied 'oh, your teen is BU, spend what you can afford'. I was interested in an unbiased answer not based on my predicament, not a thread full of ego smoothing about the fact that our teen wants more money than we can spend and aren't we unlucky that we have an unreasonable teen.

I don't remember saying anything about it being about what she says other parents spend - she hasn't mentioned any other friends/parents, it's her own expectation. In fact, she quite happily admits that she has it good compared to some of her friends, but still doesn't seem to apply that knowledge and calm the expectation when she knows it's a struggle to provide her with what she's 'used to'.

Anyway, thanks for the replies, as I've already said - she's going to be disappointed but at least I can spout the 1.5% income rule at her when she throws a fit

Custardo - her older sister also gets less money spent now that she is an adult and working full time, she brings in more money than we do some weeks!! She accepts it just fine and is much more gracious about it than DD2.

Around about £100 to £150 that includes main present and stocking fillers.

Oh gawd.
I wasn't ego smoothing. There are loads of difficult things about parenting teens. But the money/spend thing has always been pretty straightforward for me because my dc are so different. I try and get what they want but it has to be within what we consider reasonable - and that itself can vary from year to year.
So my answer was honest. I would never jeopardise our finances by spending more than we can afford and if my reenact couldn't understand that, they wouldcstill have to accept it. We were evicted from our home when I was a child so debt is non negotiable.

And my comments about parenting according to what your teen tells you that their friends do/get was in response to Higgle. Because teens fib

I wasn't looking to be arsy. If my post read like that I apologise.

But I wouldn't have responded more abruptly if you had explained your dilemma. I would have responded as I did above - that I can't tolerate needless debt and my dc have had to understand this since they were small. It is one of those childhood experiences that coloured how I parent.

Blimey Pagwatch, if there's anything I was sure of it was that you weren't ego smoothing. No one has, I just didn't want to encourage it by whinging on about my teen in the OP.

Oh good
I seem to be all out of kilter on here just now.
But moaning about teens is one thing we can all unite behind, surely?

Do you ever combine Birthday-Xmas gifts into one, NotJustMe? I know some people think that's sacrilegious, but by the time I was a teen I saw it as a huge bonus if I could get a single much nicer thing than 2 lesser presents. And my birthday is in September!

Though I still think 700 even as a combined gift, but if you offered 350 as combined gift & they had to raise the other 350 on their own (babysitting, jobs, saving pocket money, other Xmas/birthday money, etc.), that starts to enter the realm of plausibility for some households.

oops, lost a few words, should read "...700 even as a combined gift is a huge amount to spend"

Have you told her OP that you cannot afford it, and she has a limit of x amount, and you simply cannot go over that? She is old enough to know about the realities of life.

It is a bugger when a borthday is so close to Christmas (my dd's birthday is on 14th Dec) - re the party, could you suggest that because it is such a crap time to have a birthday, you will have a midway birthday party in the summer?

But don't feel guilty. State the facts to her, and if she wants to rant and moan, be no nonsesne and tell her that is just as it is.

Ragged - I used to loathe the whole idea of combined gifts, but dd actively promotes the idea now, as she gets a bigger combined present.