Halloween, who's right

[cluelessnchaos]

I'm having a fight with dd1 age 14. She wants to go out guising with three friends where they are all dressed up as slutty something's, she wants to go as a slutty school girl and i have said no. She has stomped off saying all her friends are doing it. It did occur to me that I won't be able to control what she wears for too much longer and I am normally very permissive, am I being ridiculous?

I wouldn't let my 13 year old do it.

But the kids round here were all out last night and the girls were all slutty whatevers in short shorts or short short skirts and tons of make up

Not ridiculous, and I would make a stand on this. Some of the girls the DCs went to school with have gone off the rails in a way that bit the girls in the bum in no uncertain fashion so they tend to understand where I am coming from when I say no to certain things.

I would be inclined to give your DD a talk about where all the 'slutty' images are coming from, a full-on feminist sermon about the effects of that sort of image of girls (and even children since she is considering being a 'slutty schoolgirl' [hhmm]) and the fact that it is part of something that does not have the best interests of girls or women at heart, quite the opposite really. It's not just a funny lark. But don't try to do it when you're in full-blown argument mode together. She won't be receptive.

If she still wants to go ahead and do it at least you will know she maybe has the seeds of serious thought about it planted in her head. You could follow up with giving her 'Reviving Ophelia' by Mary Pipher to read, after you've read it yourself if you haven't already.

Sorry for posting and running, it cooled down and I told her I hoped she was being thoughtless. I asked her exactly what she meant by slutty schoolgirl and she said ripped tights with loads of make up and school uniform, I think she is being really naive. I told her that would look like a rape victim and might not be the best look and she accepted it. This teenager stuff scares the living bejesus out of me, thanks for all your comments and I'm away to order the book off amazon.

Nope, no guising when they reach high school - guising is for younger children.

There's never a 'once and for all' to talking to teens. You have to keep at it and solicit their opinions and feelings. Some things that may seem so obvious to you are often completely hidden to them.

How about "THat's great love but you are likely to attract unwarranted attention so your Dad is going as your minder, do you have a spare mask for him or is he scarey enough as it is"???

Snigger!!

Dunno in reality as my girls wouldn't want to- they don't have local enough friends, but as I've said before I really do try to say "yes" unless there is a really good reason to say no- No is what I want to say but safety is the main concern so the only compromise I can come to is the above!

I think that's it theas, I like to at least give her an option. I don't like saying that's it because I said so. It's fine now though she agrees she doesn't want that look, now she's thought of it from another angle.