How late do you let your teen stay out on a weeknight?

[notjustme]

DD2 is stropping because we won't let her wander around the town until 9pm tonight, our reasoning: it's a school night, it's dark at 7.30 and our town is known to get particularly rowdy on a Wednesday night (randomly) - but our answer would be the same any night.

Are we being unrealistic??

Btw she is 14!

I allow my 15 yo DD out til 9.30pm on a weeknight and 10pm at weekends, but she's usually in a bit earlier.

God no.

DS is 15 and he goes to bed at 9pm on school nights.

I'm a youth worker (thursday nights) and they're all tucked up at home by the time I leave just after 10pm.

The under 14's that come to the project I work on are collected at 9.15 by their parents (we close at 10pm)

And that's from Youth Club, where there are lots of other people, central heating and cups of tea - not randomly hanging around street corners/parks...

Sorry, thought you'd like plenty of detail in case she pulls the "everyone else" card

What, just hanging around on street corners or are they at friends' houses?

God no, if there was a particular structure to her plans (a youth club, or a friends house) I'd be fine, but she has made it clear she wants to go down town and just meet up with some 'people' - and we don't know the people either - and just hang around. Not to mention she has been in trouble with school today!

She needs to tell you who she's with, what they're doing and where you can find her in an emergency - all very reasonable requests according to the ones I know at youthie. If she's in trouble at school, you can guarantee that the kids she got into trouble with are also the ones she wants to meet tonight. Unfortunately you're in a sticky situation, because these are the "cool" kids and she'll want to get in with them. I suggest that she's not allowed out tonight because of the trouble at school, and make sure she's kept busy with fun stuff while you hammer in persuade her of the desirability of getting decent grades and staying away from drink/fags etc

PS Even the ones who use the club as a cover so they can sneak off and smoke/snog their boyfriends only go as far as the park (about 100yds) because they have the sense to know that if their parent rang for whatever reason they need to be within hollering distance

Would never agree to that for DS aged 15.
If he goes out on school nights it would be to do a sport or activity with adult supervision.
Mostly on school nights he's in bed for 9pm. Later if he has a lot of homework.
He is allowed to go to town on a Saturday or school holiday but only during daytime.