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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is it normal for 14 yr old boys to get weepy and emotional for no conceivable reason?

26 replies

Ormirian · 19/09/2011 12:09

DS1 had a bit of a strop about his bedroom being cramped and messy and not how he wanted it. About 10 mins later he came downstairs, gave me a hug and burst into tears. When I asked him why he said he didn't know. He moped around for the rest of the day. It's about the 3rd time he has done something like this in the last few months

I don't think he has problems at school - in fact he's quite enthusiastic about it atm. He has good friends in school and out and I don't think he has any problems with bullying or anything like this.

Growing pains? Puberty? I suppose boys gets hormonal changes similar to girls. Never having been one I can't say. DH just looked blank - he seems to have forgotten what it was like.

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 19/09/2011 12:14

I think it's terrifying being a 14yo boy (or just a teenage boy!). I think they're worried about puberty, girls, school, leaving home, not leaving home, spots, masturbation, football and everything in between. Add a testosterone surge and I think it's probably normal. I think I would just carry on being kind and letting him know that he can talk to you about anything, no matter how trivial.

I bought my son 2 books, both of which he's definitely read:

\link{http://www.amazon.co.uk/Teenage-Guys-Survival-Guide-Growing/dp/0316178241\teenage guys survival guide}

and

\link{http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Willy-Nick-Fisher/dp/0330332481/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1316430790&sr=1-1\Living with a willy} - although flick through this one and check you're happy to answer questions before handing it over. It's fairly detailed but hey, I figure they need to know this stuff!

Good luck, poor him, I hope he's ok. I wouldn't want to be a teenager again!

GnomeDePlume · 19/09/2011 12:16

Tired? This age is a huge emotional strain. Also they are sometimes like stretched toddlers - lots of emotions which they dont really understand and cant express clearly. My DS also gets upset to the point of tears about nothing very much.

My DH also doesnt understand - hasnt an emotional bone in his body so cant understand why people get upset about things they cant change!

You are not alone!

Original poster

Ormirian · 19/09/2011 12:26

Thanks.

I honestly don't think masturbation, sex or girls are on the horizon as yet. And that isn't just a fond mama making like an ostrich ! He has virtually no pubic hair as yet, no girl-friends, no screwed up tissues under the bed, no porn (I checked what he was looking at on his lap top the other day and the history was all about how to make Lego Halo models on You-tube, or comedy videos). Maybe that's part of the problem - he's thinking he should be more interested in sex than he is?

But I reckon one or both of those books would help. Many thanks www.

gnome - I think DH is just too old to remember He's 50 next year.

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Original poster

Ormirian · 19/09/2011 12:27

Yes could be tired. He has the constition of an owl - takes after his dad. But making sure he's asleep when I am out for the count by 10pm (given the chance) is tricky!

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SecretSquirrels · 19/09/2011 19:35

DS1 went through puberty at 11 but the signs were exactly as you describe. he was fragile and tearful for about a year. Absolutely fine since unless in the throes of girl trouble.
I got all those books for him as well and he seemed to find them useful.
Actually your post reassures me because my DS2 is 13 and as yet no sign of puberty.

GnomeDePlume · 19/09/2011 20:37

I think a support thread is needed.

DS is soon to be 13. His voice dropped into his boots a couple of years ago. He is now growing like a runner bean plant with the same ability to self-support. I didnt know that boys could be so droopy!

He is joining cadets soon. I hope they give him something to lean on.

Ooopsadaisy · 19/09/2011 20:48

DS hasn't cried since he was very young, except for one occasion when he was 13.

It was the morning I told him my Granny had died in the night.

He lost it. Utterly lost it.

He smashed up his bedroom. He was so full of rage and was screaming like an animal. He even hit out at me. He has never been violent before or since.

Suddenly - it just stopped and when I looked back in his room he was carefully putting things back together again. He told me he was terribly sorry and we hugged.

We had a couple of bereavements since and also had to have the cat put down, but he reacted very maturely and in a dignified "manly" way.

I think it's very tough being a boy/young man - I think society is very feminised in a lot of ways (please don't hate me for saying it) and they don't know how to behave or deal with their feelings.

Original poster

Ormirian · 20/09/2011 11:56

LOL at give him something to lean on

I am still waiting for him to have a massive growth spurt. I am 5'11, his dad is 6'2, his uncle in 6'5 and his maternal grandfather is 6'4 (or who was in his prime). His cousin is 16 and 6'5. So I am waiting for him to shoot up overnight like the magic beanstalk!

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Original poster

Ormirian · 20/09/2011 11:58

oops - how terrifying! DS has a temper too but normally it comes and goes very quickly.

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GypsyMoth · 20/09/2011 12:03

Ds is 13 and he cried abs cried and cried last night. We had to have our rabbit put to sleep, he wasn't really THAT bothered about our pets, but this surprised us all. He was SO upset.

I also got ds some puberty/growing up books he has read and then re read, so know it's all there on his mind

It's a difficult time for them

Original poster

Ormirian · 20/09/2011 13:07

This is going to sound odd, but he is also very affectionate to me. He is always giving me big hugs, and he'll lean against me on the sofa and hold my hand in public. Now obviously I am very happy with that but I do wonder sometimes if it's a bit strange. Isn't he supposed to hate his parents guts and think we are all pointlessly old and useless??

I think there are a few things about him that worry me - I guess i will just have to put it down to lhim being a late developer. IIRC i went through puberty quite late so maybe that's it

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webwiz · 20/09/2011 13:54

DS(14) is very affectionate to me as well but I don't think its anything to worry about. I've had enough scorn poured on me by my older DD's so its nice that someone doesn't mind giving me a hug

SecretSquirrels · 20/09/2011 14:00

I think the bit where they become ashamed of having parents comes later. I thought that because DS1 had early puberty he was grown up. Just because he was 6'2" with a deep voice and bristly chin. In fact he wasn't emotionally developed, that has come later. He's now 15 and hasn't changed much physically for a year or so but he has matured before my eyes.
I still get plenty of hugs from my 13 year old and 15 year old. I don't think there is anything unusual about that.

GnomeDePlume · 20/09/2011 15:59

SecretSquirrels - absolutely right about the development not being all of a piece.

Ds's voice broke in year 6. It dropped into his boots consequentially squashing his feet flat so we had a normal 11 year old until you heard him talk (voice deeper than his father's) or looked at his feet! He is now growing up physically but at heart he is still only a 12 year old more interested in xbox/minecraft than anything else.

Another thought Ormirian, is your DS getting enough calories? We have recently increased the amount that DS gets to eat in a vain attempt to bulk him up a bit. Certainly my DS is not someone who would say, or even possibly notice, if he was hungry, yet now devour half a cow if offered.

ll31 · 20/09/2011 16:36

prob completely on wrong track but is there any chance he's worreid if maybe his friends appear to be developing quicker than him? May not feel able to say it tho...

Hullygully · 20/09/2011 16:42

Orm, life with my 14 yr old ds is an emotional rollercoaster. The joys, the angsts, the appearance obsessions...it's absolutely exhausting.

Original poster

Ormirian · 20/09/2011 16:46

ll31 - that has occured to me too. He is already quite tall so not able to disappear in the throng as it were, but still a boy too.

hully - we are currently obsessed with hair ! Always brushing it, fiddling with it, fussing over it Much worse than DD.

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Hullygully · 20/09/2011 16:47

much much much worse...

We have four FOUR different hair products in the bathroom. All his.

CalatalieSisters · 20/09/2011 16:47

My older son sometimes gets a bit tearful in the middle of an argument with me. It seems that he feels overwhelmed for a moment by the difficulty of coping with all the worries he has, and with the feeling during the argument that I don't understand him, am not "on his side" in the matter at stake, and that therefore he has no way of being certain that he is going to manage to see his way through a difficulty that he feels unable to deal with alone. During an argument he seems to need me to agree with him completely, see/do things exactly his way, to give himself the confidence that he can manage.

It must be so frightening, moving towards a future in which you have to "do things for yourself" and feeling unready for that.

I love that your son is affectionate, Orm. My son is affectionate just sometimes, in the calm between the storms. But not much!

Hullygully · 20/09/2011 16:49

We also have skin, muscles, teeth, legs and shoulders.

The other day I had to say, look, I'm so sorry, but I jst can't talk about your body for one more minute..

CalatalieSisters · 20/09/2011 16:51

Hair, height, musculature and foot size here. He can't pass a window without assessing his hair in the reflection.

Hullygully · 20/09/2011 16:52

I think they live in torture and agony, and unlike in the past, are able to verbalise it more.

Not sure it's always a good thing.

MrsFlittersnoop · 20/09/2011 17:01

Hi Orm,

DS is just 15 and has only recently grown out of this stage. He has other issues (late Aspergers diagnosis, but appears to be "borderline") and used to have regular emotional meltdowns. He gets tearful when he is angry, but very rarely when sad, which seems to be a "boy" thing.He asked me recently if I had ever cried when watching a sad film, and was amazed to hear I do it all the time!

He had a huge growth spurt last year - grew 6 inches and didn't gain an ounce in weight . Nearly had a heart attack when I saw him without his shirt on recently - looked like he had tarantulas living under his arms (he is very fair-skinned with dark hair) until I realised he has acquired VERY HAIRY PITS. Since the spurt, he has calmed down immensely. I think while they are going through the hormonal turmoil, they can be hyper-sensitive and not at all in charge of their emotions.

Can really recommend "Living with a Willy" BTW, which covers emotional as well as physical changes. It is now one of our bathroom books, and is the source of much amusement for my 82 year old Mum!

dizzyblonde · 27/09/2011 18:17

I don't think they all think their parents are weird. My DD told me her friends think I'm 'cool'. Very pleased as I have never been cool before and not quite sure what I've done to deserve it.
DS1 never seems to find us embarrassing despite our best efforts, very different to how I regarded my parents at their age.

ilovearnold · 29/09/2011 14:37

Hi Orm - you could be describing my boy too.Hes v happy at school ,generally happy but occasionally feels really wobbly and needs hugs and my prescence and to almost lean into me to feel reassured.He hasnt reached puberty and has no intrest in girls yet.He is normally really sweet with occasional periods of saying the family is annoying him bu the does nt know why!!

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