my kids stolen/help themselves to family money and I am very sad that they did that to us

[anitimatter]

name change as I am ashamed of what we have just found out :(

both my kids, dd almost 14 and ds 12 were helping themselfes to the money they found lying around the house

anything between one and 10 pounds

I thinks some money went missing from my purse few weeks ago, but noone owned up yet

money are to spend on sweets and crisps or saving for games

they are tegging each £25/month, I believe is enough if I pay for their school lunches and buy all their clothes

any ideas/suggestions how to punish them in such way that it is going to make them see their bad ways

over all they aren't bad kids, both very successful at school etc

ex is still living with us, but will be moving out soon
kids know about it

they seem to be sorry - I gave them big speach about dishonesty, both cried

but I want to make sensible changes in the way they are relating to money

do you think including them in budgeting and planning expenses may help?

They are of an age where part of the big lesson to learn is that being sorry (probably about getting caught) and (sorry for themselves) tears arent enough. Theft is low, they need to earn back respect.

Involve them in budgeting but make sure that they are aware of the hole in the budget caused by their theft. That hole should be for their account. Cut out the treats they have been theiving to buy. Dont have them in the house.

What they should be facing is a period of austerity and severe parental disapproval. Make it clear that this will be lasting for some time.

If the money was just lying around the house they might have thought it was okay to take it, But if they took the money out of your purse that was wrong. You are right £25 does seem enought,
Involving them with vudgeting is a good idea, In the past I've sent the DD's out with $10 and told them to buy and cook food for the day.
They planned the meals themselves.

I meant £10

thanks for your comments and ideas

I will make them to budget for a meal, but ingredients and cook it and am going to cut they treats out.

Some money were lying around the house and in the past I mentioned if they are small - they can have them, like 10 or 20 pence. Iwill make again sure they understand that.

I feel a failure as Ithiught I was generous enough and I know - too laid back in that matter :(

You arent a failure, this isnt about generosity or otherwise. You have trusted your children and they let you down, they are old enough to be responsible for their actions. That would be the message I would be leaving ringing in their ears. They need to earn back your trust.

I am not the first parent who feels a failure when dealing with such basic issues like theft and honesty.

I am feeling down and quite harsh on them , yesterday and today too.

Pocketing the odd bit of change left around the house is one thing but taking money from your purse is a very bad thing.
If they are genuinely sorry, then personally I wouldn't go overboard with the punishment now - withdrawal of treats for a specific period of time seems a pretty fair retribution. Maybe a few extra chores too?
I'm pretty sure DSD has helped herself to money around the house when she was younger and I caught her rummaging in the lunch money pot to find some cash to go out with her friends with and I just pointed out the money in there wasn't for that purpose, so she didn't take any and I left it at that.

Why not have a money box in the house to put all loose change in and when it's full use it for treats?

The problem is that at the age they are children can be very quite self-centred. It's all about what they want right now with no thought to how that might impact on other people or what the consequences for themselves are.

It isnt an unusual thing to happen. If not this then some other bit of self-centred thoughtlessness. It isnt a sign of failure especially as you arent letting them get away with it.

Being harsh with them for a few days will do them no harm. It will bring home to them more clearly than anything else just how much they let you down. MiL once told DH (and his brothers) 'I will always love you but right now I really dont like you'. Not a bad thing for children to hear sometimes.

I like this phrase:
'I will always love you but right now I really dont like you'.

shall use it tonight :)

I am glad (well. not really, but more relieved) that other's had similar problems with their kids

Good idea about box for change somewhere in the house.

shanishous - WHAT IS THAT ABOUT????

i think it's a new word to some aresholes posters