How do I steer my 13yr old away from anorexia - or am I over reacting?

[anyonefortea]

my dd was unhappy with her weight a year or so ago. She was a size 14 didn't think she looked nice , lost confidence etc.. I tried to tell her that she looked lovely the way she was but to no avail. After much deliberation I agreed to put her on a healthy eating plan and the weight began to come off. This did increase her confidence as she now feels she can wear the clothes that her friends wear eg skinny jeans... The thing is she is now a size 6 and I really think that she needs to put on weight . If I mention that she should eat more & could do with putting a few pounds on she gets very defensive and angry. How do I handle this?I don't want to make the situation worse. By the way she has 3 meals a day and eats them quite happily as long as it's not something 'unhealthy' like chips etc ....

Without knowing your dd it's hard to say - many 13 yr olds would wear size 6 adult clothes, in fact many would find size 6 too big as the clothes are designed for women who might be taller or curvier than most 13 yr olds. If your dd is eating 3 good meals a day she is unlikely to have an eating disorder - as long as they are "normal" meals - ie she's not trying to totally cut out fat in her diet by having cereal with water rather than milk or something...

If she's eating 3 good meals a day, quite happily, then I'd really, really back off and just let her get on with it.

Worrying signs would be avoiding meals or not eating the portions you have given her.

Nothing wrong with her being aware of what is and isn't healthy!

One tip - I find with my boys that if I serve their portions they will eat everything on their plate. If left to them to help themselves from serving dishes, they often put smaller portions on their plate - especially vegetables! It doesn't bother me, as neither of them has an issue with food, but it could be worth watching this one. Are you serving her or letting her serve herself? Is she taking small portions/would she eat bigger portions if you fed her?

Don't talk to her about her weight if you can avoid it as you risk making it even more of an issue.

Thanks ladies you have put my mind at rest

My dd is 13. She is 5'5 and a size 4-6. She look gorgeous and I think that is the correct size for her age range. If your dd has had an issue with food and has lost weight just keep an eye on her that she is eating 3 meals a day and that she isn't disappearing off to the bathroom straight afterwards to be sick.

Well done to your dd for losing the weight I bet she feels much better in herself. Hope she is doing exercise as well to keep her weight controlled.

I agree with others, if she's happily eating 3 meals a day, I don't think you need to worry.

As mountaingirl says, a danger tell-tale sign would be disappearing off straight after meals, so that's something to watch out for if you have concerns.

IME size 6 at age 13 isn't particularly small, so that in itself wouldn't worry me at all.

I agree with the others but use BMI rather than dress size as your guide. Don't be afraid to seek professional help early even if it amounts to nothing. I waited too long when my daughter began to lose weight. Check out the www.beat.co.uk website for lots of helpful advice.Definitely better to talk about feelings rather than weight!

DD2 is 21 and she wears a size six but is perfectly healthy