Late teens brother trouble

[teahouse]

My eldest is 19 and back from uni and bored - can't get a job and no one taking volunteers at the moment would you believe; mind you I live in a little town and he'd need to get a bus to anywhere so options are limited.

His brother is doing GCSEs and very stressed.

They are winding each other up something chronic - pecking order all out of kilter!

I'm a long time lone parent so my eldest felt he was 'the man of the house' and of course now my 16 year old feel since his brother went to Uni that he has taken that role (in actual fact neither has that role but it's understandable).

They've gone to their dad's and he has another child - step-mum, dad and half-brother out at school fete and guess what, all hell has broken loose. I can manage these things but over there, well... it's very tricky.
Help..... I need suggestions - hormone hell here!

I can sympathise entirely. My two sons have always had a difficult relationship which often involves my eldest son verbally bullying my younger son. It's a difficult one but we find the best way to manage it is for them to do things seperately and it may be that they visit their father seperately? Failing that, if they are there together I don't think it should be for you to try to manage how they behave when they are with their father. Friends of mine whose children come home from uni, all seem to say their kids have difficulty readjusting to the quieter home life. If you can cope with it, would there be scope for having a pre-uni friend over to stay for a couple of days (or vice versa), they can moan together about how boring their lives are but usually end up galvanising themselves into doing something. I find that a friend in the house often acts as a buffer (which is worth the extra mouth to feed) thereby giving your younger son a bit of relief from the negative attention. The only thing my two sons have in common is that they both like cricket so occasionally I'll suggest they have a quick bowl and bat with each other. It works for short periods of time and can reduce tension!

DD is in the middle of A levels and DS is due home from uni at the end of next week. I felt quite sad thinking that I was glad he was then going off again for 10 days or so, which would give us time to concentrate on DD.

Good to know that others have these problems too.

Hopefully when the stress has reduced for them all, normal life will resume.

whats he doing at uni? the BBC do a great volunteer service where you put your area of interest in and area you live and leave your details and if something comes up they let you know. on the siblings front i totally understand your frustration this sibling rivalry/pecking order is happening in my house ive 2 teens male n female and a dc of 11 the 11 yo and my ds1 are so close but angry at each other too and argue24/7 does my head in i try to keep them appart but my 11yo thinks hes his best friend as hes ASD so actually his big bro is his best mate really and Ds1 wants space now hes a teen i feel for you really i do .