A delicate question concerning teenage boys

[Guttersnipe]

I wonder if other mums of teenage boys could reassure me about this as it is really isn't something I want to ask my mum or mil about.

I have a son, nearly 15, who has recently started either masturbating or having wet dreams, either way, every week the sheets are stained. I am fine about this - happy for him even! - but I just want to ask about basic hygiene as this is not something I have had to consider before.

Under the bed, I have a white towelling waterproof mattress cover - a hang over from the days when he sometimes wet the bed or to protect the mattress when he was ill. For ages now it has been something I would only wash once a year, not because it looked particularly grubby but as part of spring cleaning.

But since ds has been masturbating/having wet dreams, the mattress cover gets quite stained too and needs washing about once a month.

Is this what you have to do too? Partly I just want to know, out of interest, but partly also I am wondering if the stains on the mattress cover are caused by something else: I was shocked the other month to realise, for example, that at some point ds had wet the bed and covered it up - natural for him to do so at his age, I suppose, but I want to be sure he hasn't got a recurring problem.

So basically, the question is, does your son's emissions mean the mattress cover needs washing more frequently?

Thanks.

what a relief!

I know its not sulphuric acid but I still would not want wank sheets going around with my towels...

Puss get a grip.

I agree with those who say show him the washing machine and how to use it.
End of.

Do teenage boys not have wanksocks anymore? I thought they were standard issue.

Guttersnipe does your son sleep in the nude? If he wore pants or pyjama trousers they might minimise the amount of staining that reaches the sheet and mattress cover from the wet dreams.

And I'm quite surprised you seem to be so against him doing his own washing. Surely he has more than one duvet set. He could wash two sets together every fortnight or so, to avoid half loads in the washing machine. Or maybe he could wash your sheets for you?!

some of the posts really made me laugh out loud ty i needed cheering up my ds changes his bedding and yes some dubious small stains in there weve always talked about anything so i wouldnt be worried and he would laugh it off if i mentioned it but so far id say he goes to the loo after as you should as he keeps going in n out of the loo after he goes to bed, im trying to get him to separate colours and whites hes totally colour blind so far and cant seem to get his head round it so i might just get him to do loads of towells and sheets of a saturday morning how hard can that be

Well I am going to stand with Guttersnipe on this one (who by the way said she would be quite happy for her DS to do a family wash) nobody has answered her original question which was not to do with washing. Can't help though I have DDs, oldest washes her bedding now as she is at Uni but didn't before leaving home, although she washed her clothes but only because she claimed we shrank them.

And I can't believe there isn't anybody out there with teenagers who don't wash their bedding besides me and Guttersnipe, it isn't that I think they shoulldn't but neither do I think they should and my life just doesn't work like that, younger DD is always busy and it is so hard to get her to do all the other things I need her to do without bothering with washing.

If they did make a stain on the bed they would and have probably told me and I would tell them what to do prior to me washing it.

I once asked on Mumsnet for any suggestions as to activities my DD could do after her A levels and everybody told me she should find out for herself!

< Puts hand up as teenaged boy sheet-washing mother >

I get DS to strip his bed once a week, but have no prob at all with bundling them up and stuffing them into the wm.

This thread has made me think, though; he should have a box of tissues and a bin by the bed, although he does wear pants so maybe that minimizes stains.

His bed is raised on a purpose-built platform, so is a right pita to change. He'd happily sleep with no sheet, duvet cover or pillow-case - frequently does when I forget to put the sheets back on, but in view of the fact he will need to do this for himself when he leaves home, I probably should nag him to do it himself.

Well, they'll either have to do it for themselves or will assume that it is a woman's job... and so it continues...

Don't feel bad though, there is a culture on MN whereby it is fashionable to be able to say "my DS was cooking a full roast dinner for the entire extended family by 2 years old!"

But I bet half the mums on here are guilty of mollycoddling the little darlings. I don't have a son so I can't claim to know much about whether I'd do the same or not. My DD has stripped her own bed and washed it on a weekly basis from about 4 years old.. But she does it willingly, and I don't have the time or the inclination to be her washer woman. if I had a son, and the only way it got done is if I did it, i'd probably do it.

Still cringing at wank socks...

lol omg no i wouldnt get DS to cook FFS he cant spread marge without making a hole so id deffinately not eat anything he made unless i felt suicidal only reason im really begining to try n get him to do things is he is hopefully going to uni and it would be good if he could at least wash his linen separate colours and cook something even if just a microwave meal or he will live on take away pizza and pot noodles , probably a waste of time i expect he will still do that anyway

I'd be surprised if he ever gets a woman! its really not acceptable for a man not to have at least a modicom of self sufficiency by 15. What will he do for work in a year or so...?

Tell him that he's not to wank into the sheets, that he can wank into a specific towel, a sock (boak) or in the shower.
If he chooses the shower, you're blessed, as he will shower every day and he won't pong then either!

Either that or you need to send him to boarding school where they hold up crispy sheets at assembly and the Matron asks
"Who's been wanking in the sheets again, was it you Smithers?" in a screechy Monty Python voice.

thanks for that pick ill let him know if hes not a chef by now and housewife rolled into one whilst doing his GCSEs and getting excelent grades he really is a waste of space and never worthy of a happy relationship with the oposite sex pmsl how judgemental some are lol

Err.. He doesnt have to be a chef and a housewife.. I seem to have touched a nerve and I apologise but I have lost count of the number of friends I have with boyfriends/husbands who cant tell a washing machine from a deep fat frier and without exception they were waited on hand and foot by their mothers.

They need a lot of support during exams and you are clearly offering that and are therefore doing a great and caring job. But really, by laughing at the suggestion that he might be able to make a meal or do some washing you are doing him (nor future house sharers) any favours in my opinion.

As i say, in a year or two (and I don't know why not already) he'll be working (in a bar/ restaurant/ shop etc) how will he survive?

no, not a nerve just hes studying real hard will be getting a job as soon as this lot of exams finish on a saturday but obviously still has more to come and Alevels so not touched a nerve at all i just thought it was cruel to make out he was useless and wouldnt get a partner later on if doesnt learn to do these things i was just commenting hes crap in the kitchen (and he definately is) but he still does chores around the house i never said or laughed at the suggestion he should make a meal or do washing i think youve completely read that out of context he will not be workiing in a year or two because he will be at uni he may have a part time job of course unis not free unfortunately ,why not already working you said?, hes only turned 15 last week is why up till now he had a paper round (how old did you think he was?) his dads a chef so i dont think he would look down on that in any way but some people just cant cook he was shite in food tech and id be scared to eat any of it , how will he survive ? as i said comming home like most uni students do i expect at weekends and take aways and microwave rubbish because unless his mate he lodges with can cook he wont be eating much tbh thats his own fault and problem im his mum not his keeper he will have to grow up fast wont he i expect it will be the making of him. as a parent you can advise , instruct and explain but at the end of the day its his own responsibility i cant hold his hand forever

I must say I don't remember many gourmet cooks among the student population when I were a lass.

I know when I shared with three other girls, myself and another girl often got lumbered with cooking (we all ate together), either because the other two were conveniently 'working late' or we were sick of the crap, same-old food they'd serve up. I could cook because my mum worked in the evenings and myself and my sis would make the evening meal; my friend's parents ran a pub and she would often help out in the kitchen there, or cook for her younger siblings when the parents were in the bar.

I think we were unusual even then, and tbh if it means my DCs end up catering for mollycoddled mates, I'd rather they stayed the wrong side of competence.

I totally agree whatswrongwithyou when my ds isnt studying hes on ps3 or sleeping and he does help around the house but like most teens not without moaning and he has to help with his little brother whos autistic , i have a teen daughter too shes much more competant and can cook and helps round the house she too does so not without moaning but hey they do it and what do we expect they are teens but they good family kids never in trouble or disobediant they dont drink or take drugs yes oh wouldnt it be wonderful if at (apparently) age 4 they could change beds as pickyourbrain DD !! and going back to the OP he doesnt appear to wank in bed and leave a mess lol yay for miracles but he is a bit lazy and going through that teen thing of grumbling whilst doing things hes asked but im sure he will survive uni and get married wether or not hes jamie oliver or a gordon ramsay in the kitchen and doesnt have the expert bed corners of a NHS nurse i hardly think he will be left on the self i still smile when i look back and read where she says "its really not acceptable for a man not to have at least a modicom of self sufficiency by 15" Man at 15??? lol how presumptious too

Can you please try to use punctuation, it makes it much easier to understand your posts.

When he is 16 he will be old enough to get married. Just saying.

You said "lol omg no i wouldnt get DS to cook FFS he cant spread marge without making a hole" So you were not only laughing at him making a meal, but at the thought of him buttering some bread!

I would expect him to have a job at 14/ 15 yes.

I'm amazed that people think their DDs are "more competent" at things around the house They are just following example! It would be a cold day in hell before I let a girl help around the house saying "oh she's just better at helping" and a boy sleep/ go on PS3. God I hope my Dds dont end up with these men!

Okay, 'young' man at 15. fair enough, "man" is pushing it. I don't see anything laughable about "its really not acceptable for a man not to have at least a modicom of self sufficiency by 15" though. I bet he's as big pysically as you by now... and the things they learn at school now he musthave a brain. So why on God's earth should he not have a modicom of self sufficiency? I'm not saying he should run the house, exams are very important and we all know teenagers need a lot of sleep. But strippinghis bed and dodging his jizz stains then presenting im with clean and made bed is maddness in my opinion. Does he appreciate it? or does he think the fairies do it?

Neither do I find it laughable that 99% of the women i know spend their lives picking up after men who beleive it is not their role in life.

My DD couldn't make a bed at 4 as obviously it is tricky to get the duvet cover and sheet on, but she could (and did) strip the bed. In fact my nephew, 3, helps his mum strip the bed and puts all his washing in the machine by himself. Now the girls are 8 and 12, they both do their washing and change their beds on set days of the week. They make a meal for the family once a week as well. They don't do other chores really as we have a cleaner but if they wanted a sandwich they sure as hell wouldnt be asking me to do it!

How come your DD can cook, yet your DS can't butter bread?!

Well, I left this thread in despair that no-one could answer my question but still thought it appropriate to have a go at me for the way I am raising my son. Like you even know the circumstances!

I do agree with you that my son should know how to use a washing machine before he leaves home. However, I am blessed with a boy of intelligence who, I am sure, can master the switches on a washing machine in all of 5 minutes. So, given that he has 3 more years at home, I am sure he will grasp the basics in time, thanks. Meanwhile, he is in full-time education and I am a full time SAHM. There is no question of who will be doing the washing for the foreseeable future, although of course, he will learn what he needs to know in good time.

Thanks to anyone who attempted to address the issue I raised in my OP. For those who just want to comment on my son's marriage prospects, I leave the floor open to you.

it is quite natural for a conversation to flow on to different points.

I was just wondering how smileandwave's DD can cook, yet her DS can't even butter bread... to me that is a question that begs to be asked.. Apparently it's acceptable for daughters to help around the house as they are more competent, yet sons can just sleep and go on the playstation and have their washing done/ beds made/ meals cooked etc etc. I find that shocking!

But if i'm not allowed to venture away from the original point then i'm sorry I'll start a seperate thread.

Guttersnipe

I've not made much of a contribution to this thread because you asked for info and experiences from Mums of teenage boys and I've got two girls but I'll happily tell you what I think I would do if I were in your position:

1. Talk to your son, very kindly and without any judgement and explain that it's normal to masturbate and have wet dreams and that it's a good idea for the two of you to agree together how to deal with the consequences in a way that works for both of you. Let this conversation develop to talking about girls/ relationships etc and reassure him that he is normal and healthy and that he doesn't have to be embarrassed.

1. Propose that it's his job to strip his bed once a week, say, on a Saturday morning, and to leave the sheets scrumpled in a heap by the washing machine. He then needs to get clean sheets from the airing cupboard (keep his in a special place on a special shelf so they're easy to find) and make his bed up with clean sheets. You then make up a wash with towels/ whatever and get them dried and folded and back in the airing cupboard by the next week. This is what happens in our house. They strip and make up their beds but I deal with the laundry.

1. Propose that there is a box of tissues by his bed and a waste-paper basket with a little plastic bin-liner in it in his room. It is also his job on a Saturday morning to bring the (full) bin-liner down and put it in the wheelie bin outside, when he brings his used sheets down. Keep a roll of fresh bin-liners in the bottom of the bin, (under the current bin-liner that's in use) so that he always has a supply of fresh bin-liners available in his room to re-line the little bin.

1. Reassure him that you feel only compassion for him, if he ever has a night-time accident and wets the bed. That if this happens, he should just strip the bed and bring the sheets down the next morning. If/ when this does occur, make as little fuss as possible and be kind and offer to help him make his bed up clean again ("let's you and I just do it together quickly and then it's done") so he feels your love and support and learns not to feel ashamed and hide away with embarrassment.

As I say, no boys in this house but this is what I think I would do if there were.

Best wishes to you.

Re the other stuff about children helping around the house:

Mine both have responsibility for changing their beds,emptying their bins and hoovering their rooms on a Saturday morning.

They both seem to experience a house-proud surge of domestic energy once in a while (not often - a few times a year?) and throw themselves into a bit of a blitz where they clear out junk, de-clutter their desks and have a general clean up of their rooms but I don't tell them to do this - the timing's usually inspired by being fed up enough of their own chaos and wanting to put their house in order, as it were.

If I ask them to vacuum the hall/ kitchen/ sitting room, they might grumble a bit that it's always THEM that gets asked and not their sister - but they do it.

Everyone in this house is supposed to empty the dishwasher but invariably people have to leap off to do some important and urgent thing. It's currently driving me mad. As soon as exams are over I am going to have a major clamp-down on this and declare that DH and I shall not be emptying the dishwasher for a month and that the girls are fully and jointly responsibility for it.

I have a cleaner for one morning a week and I do everything else, including all the washing and ironing.

Both of mine enjoy cooking very much and are perfectly able to follow a recipe. They mostly make cakes if they fancy doing a bit of cooking but when they have more time (in the holidays, usually) they sometimes make a family meal - usually some nice recipe they've spotted in a magazine.

Obviously, it's a personal thing but my own view on all of this is that I am a full-time SAHM and I am happy to support my family in this way. I shall ensure that both of mine are completely competent as regards washing/ ironing/ cleaning/ shopping/ budgeting/ cooking before they go off to uni (assuming they do) but in the meantime I'm happy for them to concentrate mostly on their academic work, sport, music, DofE and other extra-curricular stuff. When they're not engaged in these (rather wholesome) pursuits, I'm happy for them to have a social life or chill.

PS (because I haven't blathered on enough this morning ) if I had boys or one of each I would treat them EXACTLY the same.