A delicate question concerning teenage boys

[Guttersnipe]

I wonder if other mums of teenage boys could reassure me about this as it is really isn't something I want to ask my mum or mil about.

I have a son, nearly 15, who has recently started either masturbating or having wet dreams, either way, every week the sheets are stained. I am fine about this - happy for him even! - but I just want to ask about basic hygiene as this is not something I have had to consider before.

Under the bed, I have a white towelling waterproof mattress cover - a hang over from the days when he sometimes wet the bed or to protect the mattress when he was ill. For ages now it has been something I would only wash once a year, not because it looked particularly grubby but as part of spring cleaning.

But since ds has been masturbating/having wet dreams, the mattress cover gets quite stained too and needs washing about once a month.

Is this what you have to do too? Partly I just want to know, out of interest, but partly also I am wondering if the stains on the mattress cover are caused by something else: I was shocked the other month to realise, for example, that at some point ds had wet the bed and covered it up - natural for him to do so at his age, I suppose, but I want to be sure he hasn't got a recurring problem.

So basically, the question is, does your son's emissions mean the mattress cover needs washing more frequently?

Thanks.

My DS1 &2 have to strip and bring their bedding down, and often wsitch it on as well (12 & 9). They know to put some extra bits in (towells etc) if need be. By getting your DS to do this bypasses any potential surely?

BOF - maybe she meant that mumsnet is good at giving out firm advice.

Yes, this has gone from what is this on his mattress thingy to us informing her that her DS should be doing his own laundry (or at the very least doing his share).

I'm with TSC. MY DS will never do this.

But. Am so glad I know what to do if and when he does. Love the idea of stripping his bed on a Saturday morning. Am going to start instigating that one this summer when be move into our new house.

Talk to him about it! It's most likely wet dreams and yes, it goes through the sheet

You need to be able to chat to your teens, especially boys. Ask him about wet dreams, use it to open conversation about feelings, masturbation and girls (especially on how to respect girls) He'll be embarrassed but it's important to show yourself to be open

15 is plenty old enough to start doing his own laundry, explain that as he is bigger, sweatier and developed/ing that it's not nice for other people to handle his dirty bedding and clothes

Discuss masturbation - tell him it's perfectly normal but that he will need to use tissues and empty his own bin... or do what I do and purchase him condoms to wank into. No mess, no excuse that it dulls the feeling when it's time for him to be sexually active and no excuse that he can't put them on!!!

Just talk to him

Toilet roll for DS, and he washes his clothes and bedding himself, as do the DDs. There's such a thing as too much family togetherness where teenagers are concerned. Best to establish privacy/boundaries than go in wearing rubber gloves or to have him get too comfortable in his own home with the help mum picking up after him.

Teenage boys smell even at the best of times and all bedding needs to be washed at least twice a week ime.

i'm laughing at the idea that it's 'impolite' to wank onto sheets. do you all strip your own beds every time you have sex?

Impolite if you know someone else will be cleaning up after you, and actually a bit strange if you know that person is your own mother

Of course not mrsravelstein. I think the difference is that adults leave stains and strip the bed for the wash themselves. A teenage boy leaving stains and expecting his mother to clean it up is a bit odd, IMO.

I'm not sure why it matters exactly what the stain on the mattress protector is. You said he used to have bedwetting problems, and even if he has had an accident, it's probably a one off and not a complete relapse.

Both my DSs do all their own washing. I made DS1 start at 15 when he was being a self entitled arse, and DS2 just did the same when he got to the same age. if they do their bedding, towel, sports stuff, school uniform and ordinary clothes, there is usually enough for a load of lights and a load of darks.

I have two DDs but I have to say I think, scaredoflove that you sound like a very lovely Mum with a very sensible attitude to all of this.

I agree that you should talk to him especially if you think he may have wet the bed?
I did a "talk" with DS1 as soon as there were signs of puberty. He always has a box of tissues by the bed and wears PJ bottoms which go in the wash as necessary, that saves the sheets.

As to who does the laundry, that was never the question.
I like AuntieMonica's comment about shitting your eyes. Besides, before children who knew what gross things you'd have to do as a mother, nappies is the least of it.

Oh god the socks. The socks.

and the "crunchy" tissues on the floor.

I remember being really, really embarrassed when I started my periods and my mum/nana were still doing my washing. So much so that my 4yo DD already helps with her own washing, and even 18mo DD2 helps in her own little way.

OP, I know it is probably hard to give up the role that started when you changed his nappies, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, but he NEEDS to do at least some of his own housework. Or it will be an awful shock for him when he leaves home.

Bear in mind that when he is 16, he could join the army, get married, have sex or leave school. Two years after that he could be at the other side of the country at uni. It might feel odd now, but you are doing him a dis-service by not gently bringing these responsibilities to him now.

Does he cook for the family or himself, or do any other housework regulary? Does he know how bank accounts work and how to pay a bill? Does he manage his own mobile phone and so on? Does he take himself to the GP if need be?

Unless he has special needs, he needs to learn. The wanking is a sign that he is no longer a little boy.

I know this sounds a bit strident, but I am sure you will all be posting the same to me in ten years when I find myself doing whatever the equiveltn is with DDs. :)

Oh, and if he is wetting the bed, make sure he knows the details of the local drop in teenage thingy. The one near me when I was a teenager would help us with all sorts, and it was less embarrassing than the family GP. In fact, it would be good for him to know the drop in details anyway -ours was called "talkwise", as they have things like free condoms, drugs advice and so on. He hopefully won't need them yet, but he is still young enough to get it drummed into him.

WHY would you want to put anything else in the wash with wank stained sheets - especially towels that could be used for hand/face drying!

Yes yes I know it all gets washed blah blah but

Does he not have clothes to wash? Or underwear - that needs the high temps that bedding does. Especially a boy of his...develpmental stage...

it's semen, Puss not sulphuric acid

not [wank]

In the sticks - I am sure that Auntie Monica said 'shutting'. You did make me LOL though so cheers

Oops
First time I ever swore on MN .

I've never noticed wankstains from my ds who is now out of his teenage years! - omg oldladyknowsnothing a bucket by the bed, is that to wank into?....eeeeek

for the love of god teach the boy to use the washing machine!!! Mothers who dont teach their sons their arse from their elbow who are responsible for 50% of the 'relationships' thread!

scaredoflove You buy your son condoms to wank in to..? Genius. But wow, you are amazingly upfront. I blushed just reading that!

Foxinthewoods, PMSL, no, not to wank into, to gather the, er used tissues!

^

That's definitely one he'd be responsible for emptying!