13 year old ds, detention and anger issues

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Hi, please could you share your pearls of wisdom.

My son has 2 detentions (not unusual) 1 for 'constant disruption in class' and a day in isolation for loudly saying 'f*king c*t' to his friend, in class. who my son said was annoying him. Needless to say, I was almost hiding behind the sofa, rocking repeating to myself; 'where did I go wrong?' I was going to take him to the cinema after school, but told him I wasn't going to after such bad behaviour. He moaned it wasn't fair being 'punished twice' [at school then at home by me]. Do you think I was right to refuse to take him to the cinema, and in effect punish him at home for his appalling behaviour, or do you think he has a point?

Also, when he is hungry he gets really angry. Obviously the thing to do is make sure he never gets too hungry. My question is, should 'hunger anger' ever be an excuse for rudeness/vileness? I tell him it is no excuse, but he says he can't control/help it because he needs food. What are your thoughts please?

Absolutely I think you were right to punish him at home, too. That kind of language has no place in lessons. I know that pupils say things among themselves, but surely at 13 he should that there's a time and a place for everything.

I, too, know what you mean about the hunger/anger as my DS16 is a bit the same. The only thing I can suggest is that he has a good breakfast and takes enough food into school to ensure that he doesn't get hungry. It is usually only two hours after registration until break, where he can eat something, then another two hours until lunch, then another 1 1/2 to 2 hours until home time.

Also, does he realise that constant disruption in class is a reason to be kept in a lower set? This is what happened in my DS's case until he was made aware of this. This changed his behaviour almost overnight.

Is he mature enough for you to sit down with him and him to realise that there will always be people in life who annoy you and in most situations it just isn't appropriate to use that sort of language? I wish you luck. In my DS's case he managed to realise in time that disruption wasn't big or clever. Funnily enough, we were just discussing tonight what I/DH would do to him in certain situations in school, like swearing at a teacher/hitting a teacher/swearing in class/running out of class. I told him I would punish him in addition to anything the school would do.

Thankyou very much for your helpful replies.

Absolutely - You did the right thing. You showed him you won't accept it too. I had a similar thing happen and I banned DS video games and computor access for a week. It happened once again so I grounded him too. (He went crazy etc but I stuck to my guns). No trouble since (6mths) As for the anger/food thing my DS has a HUGE bowl of cereal as soon as he gets in - seems to help (a bit!)