My nearly teenager (12) is anxious and can't get to sleep

[willwearpurple]

Not sure if this is right place (first ever post) but my DD can't sleep at night if she is not asleep before parents go to bed. Anxious about being awake when all asleep. Only started in last couple of months and not every night. Sch trip and Sec Sch coming up this year.

You may well be right that anxieties about other stuff are at the root of this. It's a difficult age, with so much changing on top of everything else.
Can your DD tell you exactly what is making her anxious about being awake after everyone else? Is it the threat of an intruder, the thought she might be ill, the thought she's somehow then responsible for the safety of everything? Are you near enough to hear her if she calls out? If you can unpick it with her you may get a bit further forward. Also, if you talk to her about the trip/ secondary school, can she tell you any worries she has about them?

My DH does shift work and when he isn't around at night DD2 still sometimes begs to sleep in with me - I think it's an insecurity thing. Often I persuade her she will sleep better in her own bed but occasionally I say yes, figuring she will gradually get over it. She's Year 7, will be 12 in August. One minute she seems so grown up and the next she's a little girl again.

I know from my 15 year old that it gets easier - she was quite anxious in the run up to secondary too. I found it was a case of talking, talking and more talking. Sometimes she would have to talk things over and over again until she grasped ways of dealing with the feelings herself. At least they are old enough that you can reason with them when they are being irrational and talk them through their fears to a certain extent. And at least girls will talk and not just grunt! Good luck.

Thanks, I will talk to her about what might be troubling her, so far she hasn't wanted to tell me why she's scared, I think she feels that her behaviour is a bit silly but am trying to reassure her. Having to sleep in with her if she's still up when I'm going to bed as she can't relax if I sit with her and is waiting for me to leave.