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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Am I being Victorian mum...

33 replies

Izzrud · 29/03/2011 18:07

for not allowing my 12 year old son to download rap music with foul and sexually explicit language? I realise these guys are HUGE, in the charts, played on Radio 1 etc etc but who else finds this acceptable?

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 29/03/2011 18:09

there is always the radio edit version they can download instead...

OliPolly · 29/03/2011 18:09

you are not being evil, you are being a good caring parent

sadly, kids will be exposed to this but I hope he doesn't adopt the language

Original poster

Izzrud · 29/03/2011 18:10

@ILoveTIFFANY - What's the 'radio edit version'? Clearly I am a Victorian mum!

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GypsyMoth · 29/03/2011 18:16

if its played on the radio then there will be an edited version with swearing removed

is it itunes?

Original poster

Izzrud · 29/03/2011 18:18

Yes, itunes, which told me it had explicit language, looked up the lyrics and I see what they mean... So, how do I find the edited version?

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Original poster

Izzrud · 29/03/2011 18:21

I feel bad. I was of the punk generation, my (strict) parents never stopped me from listening to any of it yet here I find myself horrified at the gangsta rap culture, bad language, sexism and I'm laying down the law. An edited version could be the perfect compromise.

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chocolatespiders · 29/03/2011 18:25

what kind of words are they?

If you are not happy with him listening to them then you are not Victorian mum, it is just not what you want him to be listening to.

My dd has an album with swearing - Tinie Tempah.. but i try not to make a big deal about it.
When i was a teenager my parents were so anti swearing but it did not stop me and 3 brothers swearing when we were with our friends- in fact it made us want to do it more so because we knew we couldnt.

Like others say you can get the radio edit as the version played on the radio will have the swearing removed..

Original poster

Izzrud · 29/03/2011 18:35

Thanks chocolatespiders. It's a genius solution. I'm Googling radio edits and see I can download exactly what's he's after :) Yep, Tinie Tempah is one of them, also Eminem and a few others.

I absolutely take your point, I swore like a trooper, thus my discomfort at the hypocrisy of it all, yes swearing wasn't allowed in our home either, not even "God". I've got no problem with swearing on TV, the more Billy Connolly swears the more I laugh :) but I don't find it aggressive or offensive in that context, listening to it loudly on the airwaves combined with my self-confessed prejudice of rap music is the problem here.

Thanks for the suggestion - you've returned peace to our household.

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chocolatespiders · 29/03/2011 18:59

absolutely... I am glad you are all happy with the compromise... My dd is a bit older we actually went to see Tinie Tempah and i have to say he was amazing (shocked myself saying this) and we are going again in november I was quite surprised he didnt seem to swear as much on the stage as he seems to on the Cd...

Some of DD's friends really really swear. i have had the conversation with dd that i know she is going to say the odd word that i would not approve of but i certainly would not want her sounding like something thats just fallen out from the inbetweeners

RubyFakeNails · 29/03/2011 20:33

I did worry about this especially because mine are really into rap/grime, a few of their friends are "mc's" but it was pointed out to me that

Me an DH are quite prolific swearers at times and although its occasional we still do it so I can't really get on my high horse.
They go to school- I remember hearing the worst language imaginable at primary school! They are exposed to it in an extreme form there and also they can hear the music when with their friends.
They can watch it online
Some of these rappers are actually making interesting music and banning it all is just raining on their parade and excluding them from their friends.

Getting the radio edits is the best compromise but be aware these aren't always available and whole albums aren't often changed.

GypsyMoth · 29/03/2011 20:40

glad you got the solution you needed!!

Original poster

Izzrud · 30/03/2011 08:48

Thanks all, you've been a great help! :)

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kreecherlivesupstairs · 30/03/2011 09:26

I think you are a caring sensible woman. DH got an album for DD, I can't remember the name of the artist, she has red hair. DD was singing in the car the other morning 'sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me'. I was astonished. She is not yet 10.

Original poster

Izzrud · 30/03/2011 09:42

@kreecher Lordy! Yep, that's the kind of stuff that horrifies me. It's depressing how you have to monitor every aspect of their lives these days. I loathe it when I remember the relative freedom I had. Music was a huge part of my growing up but we (at least the 40 somethings!) had the charts, Top of the Pops, record shops we could browse in, it was all part of the experience and this was how you learnt to explore new bands/musical genres - these days they just seem to rely on friends' recommendations and there's a lot of nasty stuff out there.

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MillsAndDoom · 30/03/2011 09:53

Izzrud - thing about punk swearing is that it was just swearing, with rap there is so much mysogynistic stuff and violence as well as the swearing which is why I discourage DS from such downloads.

Original poster

Izzrud · 30/03/2011 10:02

Agreed MillsAndDoom. Actually, it's the culture that gets to me, the swearing is just the straw that breaks the camel's back. However, when browsing for alternatives on Radio 1's website (do I sound like an ancient fuddy-duddy?) it seems that's about all there is - from the male artists anyway. Any other musical suggestions most welcome!

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TheOriginalNutcracker · 30/03/2011 10:03

Alot of the stuff that DD1(13) likes, has swearing in. I don't generally mind her listening to it as I know she will hear similar at school.

My only condition is that if she plays the music in her room she had to have it quite enough that ds can't hear it.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 30/03/2011 10:12

We are in a different position to most. We live in Belgium but me and DD are coming back to England to live.
DH and I realised that she would zero cred with any of her peers if she sang Johnny Cash and Queen (my choice in the car).
In an attempt to get her a bit more with it, he canvassed opinions from his form at school. We are now the proud owners of Katie Perry, Bruno Mars, Taylor Swift and the red headed woman whose name escapes me.
Of them all, only Taylor is without swearing or sex references. I don't want to keep my DD in a room made of cotton wool, but chains and whips excite me?

Original poster

Izzrud · 30/03/2011 10:30

We've only just recently moved back from France - perhaps this why we've been out of touch and DS is now learning what's 'in what's not' all in a bit of a rush. At least here I have a vague idea what we're dealing with... French obscenities and gangsta lingo were not part of my language register and I'm sure most of went completely unnoticed.

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GypsyMoth · 30/03/2011 10:33

its Rhianna, kreecher!

bunjies · 30/03/2011 10:51

Izzrud - you have my sympathies. We're about to move from a rural village in France to a UK town and I am more than a bit woried about my 12 year old ds. I am under no illusion that he is going to be exposed to some fairly 'adult' language and behaviour when he starts school over here and I have no idea how to deal with it.

Original poster

Izzrud · 30/03/2011 12:26

bunjies - We were also in rural France (for 10 yrs) but the kids were far from naive there. Last year I accompanied my children's school (primary) on a 3 day trip to Futuroscope and was aghast (as were the other 3 mothers who came along) at the language, behaviour and sexually explicit conversations some of the boys were having. Yes, I think there's more computer time here in the UK, DS has friends on Facebook who aren't old enough to be there. Although the children in the UK are definitely louder and seem more confident I don't think the behaviour is any worse (in fact my children reckon it's probably better). I am also comforted by the fact that I feel I have a better handle on it here and there are places to go and seek advice if you suspect they're up to something they shouldn't be. I think my best advice is to try not to worry. If you worry you tend to look out for things you might not otherwise have noticed and sometimes ignorance can be bliss!

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kreecherlivesupstairs · 30/03/2011 12:38

Thanks ILove. Bunjies, we (me and DD) are moving from Antwerp to Warrington in July. I am slightly worried about how DD will fit in. She's never lived in the UK and has virtually no popular cultural references apart from those from the countries we've lived in.
She is spectacularly unstreetwise and pretty naive.

Original poster

Izzrud · 30/03/2011 13:24

kreecher - I also have a 9 yr old DD, yes also spectacularly unstreetwise and pretty naive. We have moved to Devon (i.e. not the big city) but her friends here do not seem any more 'exposed' than the ones in rural France - more lippy and confident - yes, definitely, but no more 'grown up'. If anything it might just be the opposite, the ones in France were much more concerned about what they looked like (hair, make-up, fashion) than any of her friends here.

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kreecherlivesupstairs · 30/03/2011 13:27

We've got the fashion police here too. DD is a pov in comparison to the diamond dealers daughters who wear designer clothing.
I think she will stand out a bit anyway, Warrington is between Manchester and Liverpool. On top of the naiivity, she has a pretty broad London accent!
Does anyone know what P98 is. She has a great ear for lyrics and Bruno sings about going onto it to meet a really nice girl and have some really nice sex.
She wants to google it. I won't let her.

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