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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Disappointingly found out DD has had sex

95 replies

nottonight · 18/03/2011 21:52

Not sure what I am feeling here, can't say it was a huge shock as at some point teenagers are going down this route, just didn't think it was so soon. Now I don't usually look at DD's texts mainly because she has a blackberry and puts everything on a lock, but this is in for repair so she has a courtesy phone which is basic and I know how to use these. The boyfriend had text to say he wanted to meet tonight and have some sex. So when DD was in the living room on the lap top watching tv I broached the topic on the lines of now that you have a boyfriend for a few weeks, perhaps we need to have a discussion on hormones and sex, DD went ballistic stating that she was not having sex and therefore not talking about it. Did the whole being careful bit, and whilst I hope that she is not engaging in sex, there may come a time when she does and needs to make sure she is taking proper precautions. DD still not open up for a discussion, so left it a little while and then I let her know that I had read her texts, which to be honest could have been worse but she didn't hit the ceiling which she normally would. So had the discussion that I would be happy if she were to have the implant for her own benefit and my peace of mind. DD stated that she was having safe sex with condoms, not to go off on one, I said that I was disappointed , but in one hand pleased that she had had the sense to use a condom (if she did) but whilst this is good for preventing STD's the condom could split and she could end up pregnant. Now she did agree only to make me happy but wanted to make the appointment all be herself, I'm not sure about this as much prefer if I went with her. What do I do now. DH feels that we should contact BF mother to let her know he is 15, we only met him this week. Any advice anyone. Have been getting on with DD better recently

OP posts:

PeterAndreForPM · 21/03/2011 08:30

...and this is why children should not be having a sexual relationship < sigh >

nottirednow · 21/03/2011 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cyrilsneer · 21/03/2011 21:57

How are things nottonight?

JETS · 25/03/2011 22:33

just be a bit careful here as ahe is fourteen this can be regarded as abuse and police cancharge bf as sex offender. so grown up conversations the way to go the only thing i know is that she wont go back to holding hands now. shit happens. get in the contraception and yes go to the drs with her.

Original poster

nottonight · 26/03/2011 20:30

Thought I would just update everyone.

DD is now talking and has been in a better mood all week (hmm DH has been away all week, that must be saying something as the house is tidy as well) anyway back to DD. She made a GP appointment all by herself and remembered to attend it. GP gave her the prescription for implant which she took to chemist and then brought said implant home. Now have to wait for her period but GP has made an appointment for around time of month. She has been pleasant and not at all moody. She went to see ex/said BF, they are not exactly together but not split up, in the middle (not sure what the middle is!! struggle to understand this modern day stuff, does this mean I am getting too old?) amazingly she was back home early 7.30 pm also went to SS meeting on Thursday with family, she has pleasant, chatty and body language was good. Now I must be suspicious, what is she after I wonder, hope it lasts, no - hope she has turned a corner.

OP posts:

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 26/03/2011 22:00

JETS - are you sure you know what you are talking about? Since when could a 15 year old boy get done for abuse for having (consensual) sex with a 14 year old girl? Surely it's simply 'underage sex' for both of these kids.

Nottonight - well... hmmm... at your DD's age I was in a better mood when my Dad was away for work as well because even though I adored him, it was my Mum who I could run rings around . I am really suprised she got the implant - did she not need parental consent??? Blimey. She probably means they are still seeing each other but have decided to tell parents they have cooled off a bit in order to have them ease up on the controls a bit :) and have probably agreed not to have sex again until she's had the implant put in (very sensible if nothing else).

Let us know how things go.

NimpyWindowmash · 27/03/2011 16:46

Glad things have improved nottonight. Well done you for how you have dealt with it.

FourFortyFour · 27/03/2011 16:59

Golly, at 14 I didn't even know what sex was.

ArthurPewty · 27/03/2011 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FourFortyFour · 27/03/2011 17:20

LD - well said.

usualsuspect · 27/03/2011 18:05

How can you ban someone from having sex?

ScarlettWalking · 27/03/2011 18:46

"He wants to come over and have sex" I bet he does! Fucking cheek!

I wonder who introduced the idea? This is way too young. I am a very liberal parent but I would be on the phone to his parents quick as and be straight talking to my daughter about how she will feel when he dumps her for his next girlfriend who makes him wait a year for sex. I have seen this scenario again and again and the girls heats and self esteem are left in tatters. You will be picking up the pieces.

expatinscotland · 27/03/2011 19:00

I was randy fit to burst by the time I was 15 and had plenty of company in that respect at school. I sat on it for a year, but believe me, I'd have found a way to do it no matter what. There was no lack of opportunity and I just wanted to do it.

Plenty of people I knew shagged mates or just for fun at 14 or 15. I would mess around and make out with guys. I once picked up a guy who was about 30 at a wedding and got hot and steamy with him I was 15.

The legal age of consent was 17 in my home state.

I had loads of sex before that and my folks never knew.

Some people are just horndogs.

You can't ban or stop someone from having sex unless you lock them up.

ScarlettWalking · 27/03/2011 19:01

Sorry missed a whole page. Hope things improve soon and your daughter can learn from the experience.

True to say they are too young to cope with the ramifications of sex.

ArthurPewty · 27/03/2011 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 28/03/2011 09:07

usual: you dont let your 14 year old out to places where she can have sex - pretty simple really.

Newsflahs: people of this age can lie and get out to places where they can have sex.

They even have sex in places where adults would probably not choose to have sex.

There was a thread on here recently where the OP was the stepmother to a 14-year-old who was pregnant.

She'd conceived on a school trip - behind a shed.

It happens.

Fact, you cannot ban people, even teens, from having sex unless you completely chaperone all their activities.

JuicyLucy10 · 28/03/2011 09:10

'where there is a will there is definitely a way' ! AGREED

BUT you can make life VERY difficult!

expatinscotland · 28/03/2011 09:14

You can. But also leave the lines of communication open. Talk about it from the get go, don't make it out like it's some forbidden thing that can only be acceptable in a 'loving, established relationship because teh fact is, for some people, they don't want that loving, established relationship, just the sex (and yes, that includes females). Watch certain shows together and talk about the potential emotional ramifications of sex for some people, contraception, disease, etc.

Then set out boundaries and make them very clear.

Ignorance is very dangerous, so is attaching shame - this leads to people hiding things. I know I did.

JuicyLucy10 · 28/03/2011 09:56

agreed es - i fully intend to inform my girls - not encourage them to have sex but to have safe sex if they must.

My mother gave me the cold shoulder as she couldn't accept what i wanted to do - i needed a lot more guidance and support - i ended up doing a few bad things. :-(

However its made me stronger as a mum as i've seen it from the other side.

ArthurPewty · 28/03/2011 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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