How to punish at 16!

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Just that.I think it is obvious from my recent posts that ds is being a nightmare atm and we can't seem to discipline him at all.He walks in and out as and when with no regard for us and is rude disrespectful and generally a nightmare.He is doing badly at college and has been warned by them and we decided to only allow him 1 night out at weekends and he hasn't stuck to this.He went out last night and came back at 4 today and says we are OTT for saying he is grounded next weekend all weekend.How can you punish someone who is virtually an adult.He does nothing in the house and if asked to do anything is really awful and yesterday told me to fuck off.I am at the end of my tether and feel like walking out!

great stuff, hopefully you'll get a bit of nice time - he's pushed his limits for now

I would simply tell him he respects you and your home or he leaves. You have to mean it though, otherwise do not bother - because if you don't mean it - he will know and he will just carry on as he is.
As for his college work - thats his choice. His behaviour will affect his future options - so explain that to him. Its his life - so as long as you have talked that through with him I would leave it to him as to whether he gets down to working or not. If he has to leave college then his choice should be get a job and pay his way - or leave home.

May sound harsh - but if you have a 16 year old who thinks they can please themselves with no consequences you are asking for trouble. As long as he relies on you for food, shelter and support - he should show some respect.

Like Maryz been there done that and got the t-shirt so many times. I still have all the old rules in the cupboard, they work for a wee while then all hell breaks loose. DH does not help matters much, he comes out with annoying comments that he should really keep to himself and not to be heard by DD 14 who then retaliates and then they have a sniping match, I then have a go at DH and the whole house is miserable.

DD14 is in a right mood today, a simple how are you has resulted in being told to F off not in the mood, so left her to it. She can't go out as no money, at least she is in and I know where she is.

Tried the cuddle thing, told to get lost.!!

I am going through similar with my 16 yr DD3 at the moment, so can fully sympathise. Myself and DD3 at this moment in time cannot be in the same room together, but it helps - a lot- just being on here and reading what all other mums and dads are going through makes your realise your not on your own. Other Mums gave me some very good advice the other day, just helps you think a bit clearer

If its any help my DD1 who is now 25yrs was an absolute and total nightmare as well, exluded from school, when grounded she would climb out the bedroom window and disappear for a few days, tried drugs, drink, swore, the whole lot. But she now has her own home, good job, car etc etc We had a chat about the current situation with DD3 yesterday during which she apologised for what she had put me through, but said what mattered most was that me and her dad stuck my our rules and kept firm boundaries, didn't spoil her, and because we didn't lavish her with money she felt she had no option but to go out to work to get some. She said not to worry and DD3 will come out alright in the end. I then burst into tears!!!!!!!!!!

The bottom line is that as hard as it is just carry on doing as you are, do your best and eventually it will be ok - just stick with it....take care

Has anyone read the book "Boundaries for Kids" by drs Cloud and Townsend?

I believe there is one re Boundaries for Teenagers out now, which I haven't read...maybe it's time I do. My DD2 is a real challenge, even at almost 11 years
and has actually been since toddlerhood. She is the one I worry most about for the future ( she could quite easily run off or get into trouble ) and the one who needs the most boundaries - ironically the one with the most free spirit too.

Anyway, the mentioned book really helped us out - some extremely valid suggestions in there. The hardest part is to follow through but if you can manage that, it works! I am still trying to figure out how to parent her - every day is different and so is her mood.

Good luck everyone...