Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How to punish at 16!

80 replies

noddyholder · 27/02/2011 17:36

Just that.I think it is obvious from my recent posts that ds is being a nightmare atm and we can't seem to discipline him at all.He walks in and out as and when with no regard for us and is rude disrespectful and generally a nightmare.He is doing badly at college and has been warned by them and we decided to only allow him 1 night out at weekends and he hasn't stuck to this.He went out last night and came back at 4 today and says we are OTT for saying he is grounded next weekend all weekend.How can you punish someone who is virtually an adult.He does nothing in the house and if asked to do anything is really awful and yesterday told me to fuck off.I am at the end of my tether and feel like walking out!

OP posts:
Loshad · 27/02/2011 20:22

if custys approach doesn't work then i would either (or both) confiscate his phone (always a goody) or the x-box/ps/whatever. If necessary just cut plugs off all electrical items in his room.

Original poster
noddyholder · 27/02/2011 20:22

He is still eating all the fucking biscuits though aaaaaaah!

OP posts:
sharbie · 27/02/2011 20:23

my blackmail/threatening to embarrass him on fb or socially methods seem to be working for me at the mo

DrRichandNimble · 27/02/2011 20:24

Grin When Ds is in full out ranty shouty angry mode i just stop, look at him all tilted head like a dog. he will usually stop and ask what i am looking at and i say "my beautifull baby boy who i love more than anything"

then he will do the eyeroll and "whatever" grunt.

then he will walk away.

and i call up to him "xxx" "what now" "i love you" "urgh"

ten minutes later "xx" "whaaat" "i still love you" "shut up mum"

ten more minutes "xxxx" "yes mum i love you too" Grin

Maryz - I think you need to wait long enough since the last argument. and don't phrase it like you want a powwow. Maybe just say "hi, when you;ve got a minute can we have a chat" then if he says im out or whatever you can just say "yeah thats fine. maybe when you get back then" totally non commital, no pressure.

Tortington · 27/02/2011 20:26

watch the fb thing, dd deleted me after i thought i was being clever insisting that the spelled thing correctly - yes i know the irony Grin and i posted on her wall.

then i had no idea what she was upto

it;s best as a spying tool - dont comment - just read and they forget your there!

Tortington · 27/02/2011 20:27

Ricky, i think we are dopplegangers!

Original poster
noddyholder · 27/02/2011 20:28

Ok am off for a bath but will be back to see what all you lovely calm parents are doing that I'm not.

OP posts:
Maryz · 27/02/2011 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 27/02/2011 20:31

oh no maryz that sounds really awful - what about counselling for you both or something?

DrRichandNimble · 27/02/2011 20:42

Oh Noddy i have the advantage of dealing with teenagers all day long that are far far worse than my own (young offenders) so i am glad of mine, even at his worst.

Matyz - I know it feels like you are beyond that, but that is what i mean by being caught in a spiral of negativity. You end up butting heads so often that you both forget that actually you do love each other.
If you don't feel capable of saying it, maybe you could write him a note and leave it on his bed.

outlining that you love him dearly but that this current situation is not helping either of you. that you understand he is growing up and that he needs his space. But that you would like him to treat you and your home with a little respect.

Don't mention it if he doesn't.

But at the very next possible opportunity tell him you love him.

Just say it.

It is even more effective when it catches them off guard. and even if they don't seem to notice i promise that he will have.

Maryz · 27/02/2011 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 27/02/2011 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
noddyholder · 27/02/2011 20:49

I have just had another torrent of abuse because I asked him to flush the toilet before I had a bath Have truly run out of steam with this

OP posts:
Moosemummy · 27/02/2011 20:57

Remember the MN mantra.
All this will too pass

Moosemummy · 27/02/2011 21:00

Or, too, will pass

DrRichandNimble · 27/02/2011 21:03

Oh Noddy i have the advantage of dealing with teenagers all day long that are far far worse than my own (young offenders) so i am glad of mine, even at his worst.

Matyz -

I know it feels like you are beyond this, but that is what i mean by being caught in a spiral of negativity. You end up butting heads so often that you both forget that actually you do love each other.
If you don't feel capable of saying it, maybe you could write him a note and leave it on his bed.

outlining that you love him dearly but that this current situation is not helping either of you. that you understand he is growing up and that he needs his space. But that you would like him to treat you and your home with a little respect.

Don't mention it if he doesn't.

But at the very next possible opportunity tell him you love him.

Just say it.

It is even more effective when it catches them off guard. and even if they don't seem to notice i promise that he will have.

ivykaty44 · 27/02/2011 21:05

I don't get the bit that you cooked dinner for him noddy - that was OTT cooking a meal for him Shock

Original poster
noddyholder · 27/02/2011 21:05

I am shaking like a leaf from all this am off to stay at a friends for a few days just can't take any more

OP posts:
Original poster
noddyholder · 27/02/2011 21:06

ivy the food was cooked I was making an effort with him.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 27/02/2011 21:06

good for you noddy - that will teach him

ivykaty44 · 27/02/2011 21:07

they don't see it that way though Sad the eating together bit and making an effort, it sails over heads

DrRichandNimble · 27/02/2011 21:09

Ooh don't know why that managed to post the same message again.

Maryz - Dope is awful with teenagers.
Their brains are still developing, especially their ability to make decisions and form social skills. and yet they are activly destroying those very same receptors before they even fire up.

It irritates me greatly when i hear adults saying that "its only weed"

All i can advise is deep breaths, lots of wine and remain as positive as you possibly can. but do try the "i love you trick" it may not work at the moment, but if things get worse and he moves out, it may just save your future relationship with him.

Maryz · 27/02/2011 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tinkerbellgotpan · 27/02/2011 21:18

My son is 14,15 in april but built like a grown man allready.If he was in trouble with us,depending on what he'd done we would,ground him,stop pocket money,take his mobile off him,remove his computer,take away his ds.Not All At The Same Time!

I have to say the first approach I take though is talking to him.I remember being a teenager and bloody detesting it!I can usually tell when he's going to start being a little sod :o so I get in there first and talk to him.I hate to say it but just like when they were toddlers and you got in there to stop the tantrum kicking off.It seems to be working for us so far.xx

sharbie · 27/02/2011 21:19

i have never been allowed to see his fb custy but i know other friends of his are on there - so potential for embarrassment Smile