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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

totally lost it today with vile dd 13

62 replies

Stripey99 · 23/02/2011 00:07

last year dd started periods (june) and her hormones created some pretty dramatic moods swings. Things got so bad we went to the doctors as she was starting to throw things at me, swear at me, belittle me, told me to F* off.

The doctor wanted to refer us for family counsilling but after being assessed, they decided we didnt warrant as our sitution wasnt bad enough!

After xmas things completely calmed down and thought maybe it was just a phase. But, this week it has started all over again. I asked her to do something and she just exploded. Threw her boots at me, nearly smashing a mirror, screamed she hated me, that i was a failure, laughed at me when i tried to tell her off.

After nearly half an hour of insults and door slamming, sniggers and swearing from her i lost it completely and shouted really loudly BEHAVE YOURSELF and smacked her arse.

Its not my ideal way of dealing with things and now feel like the failure she sees me as because i lost it. :( :(

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 23/02/2011 00:09

Hmmm...did it work?

Original poster
Stripey99 · 23/02/2011 00:10

what?

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 23/02/2011 00:11

Well, did it stop the bad behaviour?

Original poster
Stripey99 · 23/02/2011 00:13

what, the smacking or the shouting? your initial post starting "hmmm..." feels judemental. I posted this thread to vent not to be judged pleased. We have had a very hard time with her.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 23/02/2011 00:13

My dd is similar, gp prescribed the pill to help calm hormones. Only few weeks in so no big change just yet

You have my sympathy

Did she hot you back?? Beware of that kind of thing

abbierhodes · 23/02/2011 00:14

No, no, the hmmm was a thoughtful hmmm, not one of those Hmm faces! Honest!

Original poster
Stripey99 · 23/02/2011 00:14

no, and it really was a smack and not a hit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stripey99 · 23/02/2011 00:15

abbierhodes, sorry! im just feeling very low about the whole thing

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 23/02/2011 00:17

Don't worry, I'd feel the same as you. For what it's worth, I think what she did was far, far worse than what you did. Swearing at your mother is a total no-go. She needs some major privileges removed.

Original poster
Stripey99 · 23/02/2011 00:18

i actually felt like i saw red and lost control. she is behaving now tho. not good tho to smack, especially someone taller than me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Stripey99 · 23/02/2011 00:19

abbierhodes, its the swearing that really shocks me tbh.

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 23/02/2011 00:21

She's probably behaving due to shock, hopefully she can see she's pushed you too far. And no, not good to smack a teenager, but she provoked you, deliberately. If she'd spoken to someone on the street like that as an adult she'd be likely to get punched! (Before I get flamed, I'm not saying that's in any way right, I'm just making the point)

Tortington · 23/02/2011 00:22

did it work?

when my dd was the same age, she answered me back in a sneery way, calmly walked to the kitchen, filled a glass of water, returned to the living room, threw it in her face and whispered 'don't you eer speak to me like that' and with that i walked off

abbierhodes · 23/02/2011 00:23

Grin custardo! Did that work?

Tortington · 23/02/2011 00:24

my ds did something once, oh i can't remember what it was - i am imagining gobshyteyness, and i went upstairs with a pair of scissors and cut the plugs off everything EVERY THING Grin

it was satisfying

Tortington · 23/02/2011 00:24

yeah it did actually, she didn't expect it and she stood there with utter shock.

Tortington · 23/02/2011 00:26

there comes a point in your childs life, where arguing just isn't going to get you anywhere

so you can either talk it out
ignore them and wait for them to ask for money/food
or take action in some form.

arguing with a teenager is pointless - totally pointless

mueslimuncher · 23/02/2011 00:27

She sounds just like a normal teenager to me.
I was absolutely vile at her age, hated myself, was angry at the world, blah blah.
Throwing things and swearing at you is not acceptable though. Can you speak to her when she has calmed down and explain how much her behaviour upsets you?

abbierhodes · 23/02/2011 00:31

The thing with smacking is, if you were doing it regularly I'd be telling you it was a very bad approach with a teenager. But as a one off, you may have got your point across. Did you apologise? I'd be tempted not to, tbh.

(Disclaimer: I was on another thread earlier advocating the occasional smack for toddlers- but I am really not violent!)

Original poster
Stripey99 · 23/02/2011 00:41

I can't actually remember the last time I smacked her so no, its not a regular thing. I didn't apologise - she hasn't either.

Provoked is definitley the right word here.

Off to bed now! Thanks for listening and help.

OP posts:
Maryz · 23/02/2011 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HighHeidYin · 23/02/2011 01:09

I want custardo and maryz to come live with me so that I don't end up strangling dd1...

Good advice.

weegiemum · 23/02/2011 01:19

i like the idea of cutting the plugs off, cos you don't learn how to wire a plug at brownies any more!

I have a friend who took her dd's bedroom door off its hinges and stored it in the garage till she learned to behave - took about 36 hours I think, of no privacy!

HighHeidYin · 23/02/2011 01:20
Grin
Original poster
Stripey99 · 23/02/2011 09:20

Maryz, thanks for your comments. One thing tho, as I've said I lost it yesterday and am not in habit of smacking any of my kids so am not worried she would do the same to me, thus leaving me without a leg to stand on. Also, being called a C"+t isn't something I can turn a blind eye at I'm afraid! :)

OP posts: