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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What is your 15 year old ds like?

20 replies

rainbowinthesky · 22/12/2010 10:32

Mine is constantly with his girlfriend - either at our house or hers (stays round a lot at hers in separate rooms - her parents are far more liberal than we are).
They both seem to have stopped seeing other friends and only want to be with each other - have been going out now for just under a year.
Can barely say a full sentence to us but gets on great with her parents. They think he's wonderful. Looks at us like we are shit and has no time at all for his younger sister.
Does his homework and class work okay but although predicted As for his GCSEs is working at Cs due to his lack of motivation.

Tried all sorts to better the situation - punishment and bribery but he remains steadfast in doing what he wants. It's likes he's mentally already moved out of home and just waiting for his actual age to catch up.

OP posts:

FellatioNelson · 22/12/2010 10:35

Hideous. Quite, quite hideous. If he doesn't stop soon I'm going to turn into a Toxic Parent and tell him I actually don;t like him much. He had a lovely GF who he recently dumped. He was much nicer and got up to less mischief when he spent all his time with her. I want her back!

FellatioNelson · 22/12/2010 10:37

I meant my DS was hideous, not yours, though they sound like one and the same boy! I think it's supposed to be normal.

Original poster

rainbowinthesky · 22/12/2010 10:40

I have to say that ds is not actually a nice person to us and I dont like him (love him to bits of course). His girlfriend is lovely and so is her family and I do worry what he would be doing if he werent with her all the time as she is sensible. However, I worry she will get pregnant (they're either having sex or about to) and that he will clearly not leave school with GSCEs he has the potential go get, girlfriend or no girlfriend and there is nothing I can do about it.

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FellatioNelson · 22/12/2010 10:47

My first DS has been an angel as a teenager (grumpy and private and insular, but very sensible and undemanding) he's 18 now. DS2 just think that the entire world revolves around his burning need to get out of the house at every opportunity. And he has some highly undesirable friends who worry the hell out of me. I am the worst, most unreasonable mother in the world apparently, beauce I don't want him hanging around in the park drinking vodka with boys who fight, and get into trouble with the police. It's me - isn't it? I'm a cow, clearly.

Original poster

rainbowinthesky · 22/12/2010 10:49

At least I dont have to worry about ds having undesirable friends as I cant persuade him to go out with any friends at all at the moment!

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 22/12/2010 10:57

I don't think you want to hear that my 20 yo was lovely at 15 and continues to be so. She's home for theholidays.
My just 16 yo has AS and keeps to the rules, is good company and has recently made huge advances with developing a spontaneous sense of humour. He's doing revision for GCSEs on alternate days because he was shocked at how much he'd forgotten over the summer holidays.
No close friends and no need for them.
His addiction to tinsel is a bit of a pain at the moment, but it is restricted to his room.
There has to be some teens at the other end of the scale to balance the nightmare ones, so you are probably wading through my share of the shit as well as your own.
Apologies, I'll get payback in my next life no doubt.

mumblechum · 22/12/2010 11:01

Goblin child, doesn't it bother you that your ds doesn't have close friends and no need for them?

DS goes through phases of being quite anti social but generally I think he does value friendships. I worry like mad when he's going through an anti social phase.

Goblinchild · 22/12/2010 11:04

He has acquaintances, and they have shared activities at clubs that they enjoy, but when not at the clubs there are no phone calls, informal meet ups or the like.
He is capable of being social on his own terms. He's overcome so many more problems with living in the real world and learning to Pass For Normal that I'm really not worried.

Bonsoir · 22/12/2010 11:09

DSS1 is 15. He has always been seriously selfish and that personality trait has only been enhanced by adolescence . He made a lot of new friends at his new school in September, but seems to have lost them now - undoubtedly due to his shockingly self-centred attitude .

He works reasonably hard, but needs to focus a lot more if he is to get really good grades in his bac. I can see DP clamping down on DSS1 big time come January which will be strenuous interesting.

Goblinchild · 22/12/2010 11:13

Mumblechum, your profile says you don't have children?
I don't think you've posted in SN either, so you might not know that my DS has Asperger's syndrome, which is a social communication disorder.

ragged · 22/12/2010 11:33

Rainbow, you should talk to the parents of your DS's girlfriend. I bet they'd say everything you have to say in mirror: their DD is a monosyllabic underachieving horror but your DS is great, etc.

mumblechum · 22/12/2010 11:40

Oh bum, sorry Goblin child, you did say AS but I didn't pick up on it.

I do have a teenage son but for some reason it doesn't show up on my profile.

Sounds like your ds is doing fantastically well, so good on you and on him

Goblinchild · 22/12/2010 11:44

No reason why you should know what AS meant mumblechum, I forget sometimes because I tend to live over on the SN boards.
He's fine, and so is DD. They both run on logic, so it makes arguments discussions so much easier.

Original poster

rainbowinthesky · 22/12/2010 12:10

ragged - we often speak to her parents as we often meet when collecting or dropping of our dc. However, they are all for the relationship and when I raised my concerns yesterday with her mum about the two not seeing other friends she thought it was really sweet and first love etc. They are all really lovely but her parents are really for them having a close relationship and spending as much time together as possible!

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sue52 · 22/12/2010 13:36

My DDs 15 year old boyfriend is charming, courteous and polite in our company but his mother says that he is the complete opposite at home. I would never let him stay over in DDs room though.

mummyflood · 22/12/2010 13:54

DS2, just 15, is largely a lovely lad. Quite sensitive, caring and family-loving. However, over the six months or so he has developed a small social life (2 nice friends who don't go to his school, although I've not heard one of them mentioned recently so may have shrunk to one!!) and with his social developement has come many more 'kevin' moments of moods, rudeness and general angst directed at his Dad. They really don't get on at the moment, and I feel DH is struggling with parenting 2 teens. It's quite a power/ego struggle

He can be quite insular and self-centred where friends are concerned.
I think he is still struggling with who he wants to be, i.e. somewhere between someone who enjoys his own company and someone who just wants a couple of mates to hang out with. He is definitely NOT one for groups/crowds.

At school he seems to be doing quite well, we are hoping he will achieve a good crop of GCSE's, then college and ideally uni, grades permitting.

snowedinthesticks · 23/12/2010 15:11

DS1 will be 15 next week. He too has had a girlfriend for over a year.
Right from the beginning I streesed to him the importance of not neglecting his friends. ( In my naivity I thought the relationship would be over in a week or two).
I keep on at him about this and I think he has managed to keep up other friendships for a few reasons

his Gf has lots of other interests and she spends lots of time with her friends,
she lives in the next town so they don't see each other outside school so often
he plays on line with his friends on the x box. That's the main way the boys socialise because of the rural area.

GF is a lovely girl who also works hard at school. She stays over here occasionally, in the spare room of course.When they are apart they are on the phone all the time.

My biggest worry though is the fact that they are so serious so young. He is fed up of me repeating The Talk.

LadyLapsang · 23/12/2010 15:41

My DS is now older than 15 but then he was revising for mock GCSEs, going ice skating and spending time with his friends, playing (restricted amounts) of computer games and no girlfriend (girls who were friends yes, but certainly not dating / staying over with a girl). I don't think you sound less liberal than the girlfriend's parents as for him to stay there you have to let him - I would have been bringing him home to revise.

Sheeptea · 06/01/2011 00:01

Hello, first time poster here :) My 15 yo son is just lovely, honestly! Kind, caring, considerate, reasonable...I feel blessed! He doesn't have a huge stock of friends though but is loyal to those he has. I want to encourage him to join out of school clubs to expand his circle of friends.

bruffin · 06/01/2011 12:59

DS is 15, just discovered a social life which is in the next town, so limits him going out a bit. He got a new girl friend before christmas who is very nice, but would never be allowed to stay over here or him at her house (her family very strict) and we wouldn't encourage it either.
He likes spending time with us, ie we took them ice skating and Winter Wonderland after christmas and is happy to go to the cinema with DH. He is mostly a very sweet boy, but can be moody if something is bothering him.
Thought we were going to have a bit of a problem with social life getting in the way of school work, but now that the first exams are coming up he seems to changed his attitude.

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