Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

Advice for dd at university.

20 replies

tabitha · 27/09/2005 22:14

Dd1 started at university today. She has a room in halls, but has only just moved in and missed Freshers Weeks when there were various 'event' to help the students in her Halls get to know each other. As a result she knows no-one in the Hall she is staying in. Although she has plenty of friends (so obiously isnt't too unlikeable , she is quite shy. Can anyone, either parents of students or ex-students give me some advice for her on how to 'make friends' and get to know other students in her Halls. I've just spoken to her on the phone and she is sitting in her room on her own , which sounds so sad it breaks my heart.
Thanks

OP posts:

kolakube · 27/09/2005 22:20

She should knock on her neighbours' door and say Hi. If she feels brave enough Halls always have a bar or TV lounge and she should lurk there. My recollection is Freshers events go on for weeks and weeks on end. It's only her first night..........

Tortington · 27/09/2005 22:39

bottle of something alcoholic and go to the union and ask about what groups clubs societies are to join.

bossykate · 27/09/2005 22:40

yup she should knock on doors, approach people, be prepared for endless conversations along the lines of "what a levels did you do?" "what course are you studying?"

maybe knock on all the doors on her floor in the hall and say "hi, we're all going out for a drink, would you like to join us?"

everyone else will be so glad someone else has taken the initiative...

ah bless, good luck to her.

ps - she will need a hide like a rhino - but it can be temporary - at least until after the xmas hols and she can start dumping the people she doesn't actually like

Original poster

tabitha · 27/09/2005 22:44

Did suggest she knocked on someone's door, but got the feeling she would rather pull her own teeth out than do that (as I said, she's shy ). Also suggested she should go along to the communal kitchen to make a cup of tea (even though she doesn't drink tea) but she won't do that either.
The unfortuanate thing about her Hall is that it is about 3 miles away from the University so not easy to just pop into the Union at night - have suggested she try finding out about clubs during the day though.
I know it will take time and that it's early days yet but any advice would still be appreciated.
Oh and as for the bottle of something alcoholic, I've already drunk that myself (glug)

OP posts:

bossykate · 27/09/2005 22:45

which uni is she at?

gigglinggoblin · 27/09/2005 22:47

ask at the student union about all the societies there are. there are thousands at our uni (not that im a member of any but im old). people will only just be starting to get to know each other there.

Original poster

tabitha · 27/09/2005 22:52

She's at Glasgow and is staying at Wolfson Hall.
I've explained to her that people are only just getting to know each other (and that half of them will be trying to ditch some of the people they hung about with at Freshers Week) but try telling an 18 year old anything

OP posts:

hatstand · 27/09/2005 22:53

dom't worry I'm sure she'll find her way. If she's a bit shy and knocking on doors isn't her thing no point in making her feel that she ought to. If she's the quiter type then societies maybe the way to go. Perhaps also voluntary work of some sort. I've just started uni myself and am stunned by the huge use of the internet for uni info - perhaps if she has missed some of the events she could trawl the uni website for info on activities she might be interested in. I do remember my first few days (not now I mean years ago as an undergrad) and how tough it is - but she'll have a great time and will make some life-long friends

Original poster

tabitha · 27/09/2005 22:56

I hope so, hatstand and to be honest I'm sure that in a few weeks she'll be fine. It's just to try to help her over this initial barrier.

OP posts:

suedonim · 27/09/2005 23:12

I'm sure there will still be loads for your dd to join in with, Tabitha. Dd1 has just started at uni and seems to meeting new people all day, every day! Your dd will have to screw up her courage and get out there, otherwise people will assume she wants to keep herself to herself and won't come knocking on her door. Tell her she won't be the only one who's shy and that other students may well be grateful to her for making the first move. Good luck!

dramaqueen72 · 28/09/2005 00:29

my sil has just started uni too, and shes been desperately upset at night sometimes -and she WAS there freshers week! the noise of people banging on her door at 2am and shouting up and down the corridor at similar times has really freaked her out. its been a family effort to get her to stay and give it a go TBH. shes at bristol uni.
we forced her into going to her freshers ball (which she loved when she got there) and encouraged her to go out for a drink with the other homesick girls she met -and there were lots of homesick ones- theres alot of 'freebie drinks' leaflets about, bars trying to attract the students in so maybe she can pick up some of those?
someone from the family has been/will be popping down most weekends to my sil for awhile, just for a day to feed her, drag her out fo her room and all that.
its pretty heartbreaking having her on the phone crying or lower than low but we are determined she should stick it out.
bless 'em!

mumeeee · 28/09/2005 11:17

My DD! moved to halls last week and is stil making friends.Her freshers week is this week . Is there anyone in her halls doing the same course as her? My dd's halls have a social club on sight so that made it easier for her?Is there any sort of club at your daughters halls? She needs to make an effort to meet people as it is important she has some friends, but don't worry she will be able to met people on her course.

scotlou · 28/09/2005 11:24

Sound like me aged 18 in Halls in Edinburgh. THere was no bar / union so I would spend all evening in the television lounge. Eventually someone asked me if I wanted a coffee and everything was fine from then on! It is really hard when you are shy so she has my full sympathy.

JiminyCricket · 28/09/2005 11:32

I know just how she feels. All of what everyone else just said but also - smile at everyone you go past in the corridor, make lots of eye contact and leave your door open (eg when reading a book, listening to some music, or doing some work) so that anyone else brave or friendly could easily knock and introduce themselves. Think of questions to ask people (e.g in the communal kitchen etc) such as 'do you know where the nearest supermarket is' etc etc. I'm sure it will be easier when all her studies are in full swing.

grumpyfrumpy · 28/09/2005 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aimsmum · 28/09/2005 12:10

Message withdrawn

Original poster

tabitha · 28/09/2005 20:40

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'll have a chat with dd at the weekend and pass it on to her.
Phoned her tonight and she sounded a bit cheerier, but she had an old school-friend, who had come through to see her with her, which I think is a wee bit of a cop out.
She is however gettng to know a few people in her classes - went for a coffee with some of them today - so that's a start.
There is a bus that runs from the hall into university, but it's a charter bus and students have to pay monthly by direct debit, which we didn't know about before she moved in. At the moment, she's having to get two service buses to get in. Have told her to get the forms for the bus and we'll get it organised. With a bit of luck she might get to know a few people waiting for the bus (and probably complaining that it's late)

OP posts:

Skribble · 28/09/2005 20:54

She will have to venture in to the kitchen in the halls eventually to make pot noodles! I'm sure they are still compulsory. Once everyone settles down the quieter ones seem to venture out more and using the uni bus will help.

Original poster

tabitha · 28/09/2005 21:00

Hope so skribble.
I will buy a stock of pot noodles for her to take back with her

OP posts:

Hausfrau · 28/09/2005 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip