housing for teenagers

[sidmuttley]

My 19 year old daughter has become too much for me to handle, her violent outbursts and temper are affecting my much younger children and myself too much. I have come to the end of my tether and asked her and her very lovely boyfriend to leave. I wrote them an eviction letter hoping that the local 'council' might help them as she is in full time education and he only works part time. Neither of them have any savings and have been told that the authorities will not help them with housing, they've looked at an affordable flat and were told that even though they had the deposit money they would also need a guarantor, I am a single parent on a low income and would not qualify to do this, her father is unlikely to help. What can I do? Are there any organisations that can advise me please? I really am desperate to resolve this situation and do not wish to see either of them out on the street, however I cannot continue to be verbally and physically attacked by her.

You are all so strong for your kids in such hard situations.

Maryz, I laughed though at your 'pot-luck' drug counselling. In the same way I laughed when we were at our lovely junkie-support place and I asked if I could please charge my phone while we talked - got the reply 'Sure, shoot it up over there'. I'd have gone mad by now if I didn't see the funny side of this sometimes.

Re housing...in Manchester SS have sheltered housing for 16-19 year olds but it's very hard to get places. It DOES exist though and is good, staff live in and the kids have their own bedsitting rooms and are helped with learning cooking skills etc as well as supported in education and employment. Also support to move out and onwards.

Thanks for sharing drummer, it sounds like manchester ss have got their heads screwed on in some respects at least. i've found that a sense of humour is essential in this life, yeah sometimes its probably considered inappropriate but to be honest i dont care. there's a saying about laughing in the face of adversity. as for my situation, well i've spoken to dd1 this morning and it was like talking to the old her again, someone i haven't seen or heard in years. they've found somewhere that sounds great, her father has actually come through and agreed to be guarantor for the rent, her bf's nan is lending them some of the deposit money. the best thing for me was her apologising and saying that she knows she was wrong to treat me the way she has,and that she wants me to help decorate,move and advice on what to get and i get to go shopping with her too. probably sounds silly,but that was one of the things i was looking forward to, being able to be part of her starting her new life. she says she loves me and we laughed and cried and were equally sarcastically humoured. i feel as though things will be ok now, i know that she still wants me in her life and that our relationship will not only survive but will get better. Thank you all so much for your help and for listening and sharing your situations, I really dont know what i would have done without you all. please keep in touch though and i hope that everything works out for all of us. we love our children so much and thats why we continue to fight for them,that shines through in each and every story.

sidmuttley... I am glad you have had chance to talk to you Dd1 and that you are feeling calmer about the whole thing. it's great that her dad is sorting out the guarantor stuff.

You are right it is love for our kids which makes us fight so hard for them and with them. Your Dd1 is starting the next phase of her life, she has a lot to learn and I am sure she will be calling on you [not at 2 am hopfully]grin].

Now you can spend some quality time with your other kids and enjoy some calm family time until the next one becomes a teen.

Just to say by the time I am done I will have done the school run for 20 years and had a teen in the house for about 18 years OMG what an awful thought.

ineed2...thanks for your messages, seems we've both done the 'lets have huge age gaps' thing as i've just done a little mental math (ewwww) and my numbers are pretty much the same as yours,an awful thought indeed.lol. but then, lets face it, even with the problems they cause we still wouldn't actually be without them totally....distance is good though
dd2 will be a teen in 2 years,but she's starting early. have told the lil ones about their sis and bf moving out,they asked why and i said that they are adults and need to be on their own and also that i couldnt take any more of the way dd1 was with all of us, am rather hoping that dd2 will get the message that behaviour like that is unnacceptable. told dd1 about it and she laughed and said that she hoped it worked! felt sorry for ds though,his first words were 'does that mean i cant play with bf anymore?' that rather upset dd1 when i told her. but i explained that we'll go to see them in their new place and they'll come to see us. dd1 has already got it in her head that she wants the lil ones to come to stay when they get sorted,and she wants me to come stay on my own for nights out with them too! lol. really feels so amazing now.

I'm a bit about the thought of her father who sexually abused her as a child now being her guarantor. Is she 100% ok with this?

She still has contact with him, dont know why, neither does she really but she's happy to accept money and gifts whenever they're offered. I dont like it either, but I'm not in a position to help her as I dont earn enough to qualify as a guarantor. Is a bizarre situation really, I'd happily go and do horrendous things to him but am not allowed as she's said that she will never speak to me again, and I know her well enough to know she means it.

Hi am just resurrecting this as am considering housing options for my DS. Have posted previously on a few other threads about my son but under different names. Given up name changing now.

How are you all doing now with your teens?

Maryz, your story has always stood out to me as your situation seems similar to mine.

My current situation is this...

Two dcs.
Older one is 18 (adult so messy)
Ds1 totally off the rails
Started at c 16. Worsened considerably as xh started affair and dicked around for a year
Primary issue was heavy drug usage
Suspected AS IMO
Was arrested and currently awaiting probation meeting following conviction for possession, they will discuss drugs therapy with him
Has no interest in getting help as he does not see that there is a problem
His father has recently left the area, is interested but fairly detached and doesn't really do responsiblity
DS has now switched to alcohol abuse and drinking heavily, ended up in hospital last night

Basically I am trying to now find somewhere he can live as I feel that he needs to be away from us, grow up and find his way. I can't solve this for him and it is wearing and unfair on his brother. He is however not worldly wide at all and despite everything very young for his age.