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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14 year old wanting too much freedom?

24 replies

BrigitBigKnickers · 27/07/2010 21:30

Quick poll. How many of you would let a 14 year old girl with another similar aged girl:

  • go out for a walk after dark?
  • go to the next town on the train at 8pm

DD says I am too strict and all her friends parents let them out after dark...

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 27/07/2010 21:32

nope and nope

my eldest is a 12 year old girl, I doubt very much I'll get that much more liberal in the next two years

both would be ok in daytime

Original poster
BrigitBigKnickers · 27/07/2010 21:33

Any more? I said I could phone at least 10 friends with teenaged girls who would agree with me and she said "go on then"

Need some ammo quick!

OP posts:
Original poster
BrigitBigKnickers · 27/07/2010 21:38

bump

OP posts:
MumInBeds · 27/07/2010 21:38

Nope. I'd not allow it but then I think I'm quite a strict parent and we live in an 'inner city' area.

Decorhate · 27/07/2010 21:42

No and none of my friends would let their dds do this either BUT I know that other parents of girls in my dds year probably would let their daughters do this. They are the type that would be crying all over the tabloids if anything happened to their dcs but won't actually get off their arses to set boundaries, check where their kids are, etc.

Original poster
BrigitBigKnickers · 27/07/2010 21:50

Very true Decrohate exactly the point I keep trying to make with DD.

OP posts:
TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 27/07/2010 21:50

If there's two of them, and they're sensible/streetwise, I think I would be OK with this. You can disregard my opinion if you wish though as DD is only 3...!

It would also depend on what the journey is like, I am picturing the ten-minute train ride from our house into town, which is well-lit and generally busy.

What age do you all think this would be OK at then?

Original poster
BrigitBigKnickers · 27/07/2010 21:54

20 minute ride with a change in the middle.

It's more a question of what exactly a 14 year old would be able to do in the next town in the dark other than hang around in the high street outside bars.

There is also the question of travelling back at an even later time.

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 27/07/2010 21:55

My first question would be WHY? do they want to go out after dark and why into town.
You do realise that they are trying to get into a pub or club
Or worse

Decorhate · 27/07/2010 21:57

If it's a journey without a purpose (rather than going to the cinema for example) I would definitely say no. Can she invite her friends around to yours instead?

Original poster
BrigitBigKnickers · 27/07/2010 21:59

Exactly- there is nothing to do for 14 year olds at this time of night- I actually doubt she would try to get into a pub or club- for one thing she looks 14 and there are very strict rules round here (need to show id if you look under 25!) so she wouldn't get in even if she tried!

OP posts:
SKYTVADDICT · 27/07/2010 22:01

Yes to 1 and no to 2. My 14 year old DD1 is out now - but due in NOW! She had better be in in the next couple of minutes. She is with her best friend, her boyfriend and another boy BUT she wouldn't be going to the next town by train.

They are just walking around.

LadyLapsang · 27/07/2010 22:32

Well in the winter some pupils have to come home from school after dark, e.g. if they have after school activities.

In answer to your question, depends how sensible they are and what type of area you live in. My DS was mugged in London, as have nearly all his classmates - even a few walking to school in the morning!! I know he is sensible and could travel internationally but unfortunately there are a harmful minority that restrict everyone else's freedom.

If she was coming home from Guides or the cinema at 8pm and you had agreed a safety strategy and the train stations were staffed and safe then it would probably be ok, if it's just a front for her going into a pub - no.

Trafficcone · 27/07/2010 22:37

It depends on why and where and when. Obviosly my ds who is now 15 is out after dark in winter and he recently walked home from a gig at 11 so yes, it was dark. He was with mates and we live in a safe rural town. The going to another town at 8pm if it was to a gig or cinema then obviously yes, if it was to 'hang out' then most likely no.

BitOfFun · 27/07/2010 22:37

Yes, I do. But only because they are actually going to the big Odeon in the city centre or similar.

Ripeberry · 28/07/2010 08:31

So did she go out after all?

Stricnine · 28/07/2010 08:35

It definately depends on destination / purpose / friends in our house.. 13 year old DD goes to an 'unders' club and is allowed out late for that (coming home @ 9:30 ish depending on trains) and cinema similarly - but I need to know which cinema and who she's with and how (ie which train) she's getting home...

If it's aimless wandering she needs to be on a train heading home by 8:30 and I need to know so I can get her from station etc

maryz · 28/07/2010 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mum2Teens · 28/07/2010 16:29

Definitely depends what for. If nothing more than they could do in home town, then no!

AnyFucker · 28/07/2010 16:32

nope and nope

sue52 · 28/07/2010 18:13

No to both. If she's going out in the evening, I will take her there and bring her back. I would also speak to friends parent to make sure that the friend has safe travel arrangements. She wouldn't go for a walk after dark - no street lighting where we live. Most of her friends parents would have a similar attitude to mine.

musicposy · 29/07/2010 06:08

My 14 year old gets the train to and from ballet which is about 15 miles away and involves a bus ride too. The train back is around 8.30pm. I keep in mobile phone contact with her. Later, and I pick her up. But this is a journey with a purpose; I wouldn't just let her go out at this time.

She does walk into town/ to the supermarket/ park with friends in her break between dance classes and I am happy with this, but it is earlier, around 6pm, 7 at the latest.

I don't think I would let her do what you describe unless she had something very specific she was going to and let me know when she arrived. There's no way she'd just wander randomly at 8pm.

purepurple · 31/07/2010 08:26

Yes to the first one but no to the second. DD is 13. I don't see what difference it makes it being dark.

seeker · 31/07/2010 08:33

Can't say without more information. Depends on what they were doing, how they were getting home afterwards, who else was going. Remembering that if they aren't allowed out after dark in the winter they would never go out at all.

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