teenager hygiene - TMI warning

[shongololo]

So...13 YO DD. How do I get through to her about basic hygiene and taking care of herself an posessions and environment.

This week, Ive had to clear up blood stained knickers from the floor in her room and in the bathroom. She started her periods about 4 months ago and we had on many occassions had the talk about what would happen and how to cope. She has a drawer full of ST, I have another drawer full in the bathroom, she has every tampon brand known to womankind to try. So why is she using tissue paper? Or nothing?

Also. toiletting. Walk into her bathroom (she has en suite) and there are always poos in the loo. FFS! And she denies it is her - always blaming her brothers. But they have been told under NO circumstances must their enter her bathroom. Evidently the poo pixies like to visit her room regularly.

The toilet is flushed so seldom that I had to do a drastic empy the loo and fill with harpic for 8 hour mission today to get it clean. Came home from dropping a ds2 friend at home and could smell something bad on landing - yep, those pesky poo pixies had been in again. Also, there is no sign that hands have been washed.

Then there is basi personal hygiene. She bathes every day (yeay!). But the water is so uncontaminated by soaps that you could drink it afterwards (boo). Needless to say facecloths are not de rigeur in our household.

SHe also has about 4 deodorants in her room - a couple of roll ons, and a couple of spray ons. Does she use them? Does she heck.

And a hairbrush....whats that for then?

Please tell me this is just another annoying teenager phase and that it will get better?

bump

Hmmm.... you could say that if she doesn't start washing herself, you will have to start supervising her.

My 12 year old daughter is like this, her hygiene is shocking and she wont wear any pads or tampax when she has her period.
She wont give me her dirty clothes, hides them and then re-wears them.

Will be watching this thread to see if anyone has any wise words.

Not taking proper care of yourself can sometimes be a warning of depression. What is her mood like generally? (disclaimer- I have no teenagers)

If you don't think that applies, I think I would start getting a bit stroppy with her tbh. Clearing someone elses secretions is no fun. What about if she has friends over? isn't she embarassed? (This was a MAJOR motivator for me at same age)

We also have this major issue.

I'm unsure what the answer is but my patience is wearing pretty bloody thin.

Don't really want to go into great details but dd whose 15, doesn't think twice about leaving used tampoon applicators on the sink or her used towels on her floor.
She has bags/bins etc and still,she can't be bothered to use them.

I have now,for over a year,refused to pick up or move them.I've spoken to her,my husband,her great grandmother etc,nothing sinks in.There is also no embaressment when confronted,which frankly has sparked off alarm bells.

I have no answers,my dd has been like this since 11 and is now 15.

No amount of soft talking or shouting has changed her behaviour.

She is seeking attention in the same way a toddler would.

niiice term of phrase skymoo

no advice for you poshwellies as you seem to have tried every tact.

RE: the stained kecks - i was mortally embarrassed and hit mine when i was a teenager...i mean hid them...not throw them away - bloody hid them! i know you are saying that she has little shame about it - but i wondered perhaps if you could start making her do her own washing? then she can put them in.

Re: the poo. i think this is a case of nag and rota.

draw up a rota - everyone gets chores - one chore for her is clean her loo - every saturday morning ( or something) you will still have to ask her to clean it...nag..nag. but at least it will get done. also before school - nag nag - flush your loo and put bleach down it...every single day. i have to do the same thing with lights every morning 'turn your light off'

I have to say, theres fucks chance i will wash anything not in the basket in the kitchen. if it's on your floor....on your floor it stays.

if they had their own bathrooms, the same would apply.

I was like this, I didn't care, it was nothing to do with alarm bells or attention seeking, I just didn't like being told to wash when I would rather be dirty, I didn't like being told to change my clothes when I didn't feel they needed to be changed, I didn't like picking up after myself and saw no reason to other than avaioding yet another bollocking...

You will have to incentivise her to change her behavior. A pound every day she lives cleanly? or a pound out of her pocket money every time she doesn't pick up her shit?

I have to pay my teen to pick up her used towels/tampons? Not bloody likely.

She knows she needs to do this,she never grew up with my used 'stuff' left in the bathroom or anywhere else,I didn't leave it for her to pick up.I find it a total lack of respect for the rest of us living with it,especially as she has a 7 year brother.

She has to do her own washing,picking up-it's part of growing up,she's not a baby anymore.

I'm certainly not paying or praising a 15 year old for putting her tampons in the bin.

OK I think not putting tampons in the bin is a bit much, but I think stained knickers are forgiveable. If she's not had her period long, she probably doesn't realise when it's coming/how it gets heavier/lighter throughout the period/exactly what level of SP to use.

The poo thing is a bit odd. Leaving wees is kind of OK (good for the environment to not flush constantly) but if it's brown flush it down.

Re not using soaps and things in the shower/bath - I don't much. I don't need to. Honestly. Some people don't get as smelly as others.

It's a phase. In twelve months it will have passed. I would put money on it.

I have heard in the past of girls who have only recently started their periods refusing ST's, using loo roll etc and it usually boils down to them not wanting / being able to deal with these sudden changes. They want to go back to being children again. Maybe a long talk would help? Maybe nice washable panytyliners instead ?

As for the non loo flushing I would shut her door leaving the smell in there and encourage her to invite friends round.....

If Tampons tubes are being left lying around buy ones without applicators?

I was a bit like colditz (apart from the bloody stuff and not flushing). But I think it was a degree of attention-seeking. I wanted to be loved and appreciated for myself, not for behaving the way somebody else wanted me to behave.

I heard someone once say something along the lines of "The first thing your child should see when they enter the room you are in, is your pleasure in seeing them. Only once they have registered that you are happy to see them, should you comment on their appearance, tuck their shirt in or ask if they've done their homework." I think that makes a lot of sense. I would like my mum to have thought so, too.

I don't think paying the OP's dd to carry out basic hygiene is the answer. Nor do I think drastic punishments are the answer either. I don't think she can feel very happy among her peers, teenage girls can be very cruel and will soon either cut her or bully her over her personal hygiene.

Not that I have the answer. But when I think back to what I was like at that age, being made to tidy/clean/wash/whatever, was just another way of trying to turn me into the person soemone else wanted me to be. Of course, I also wanted to be that person (tidy, sweet-smelling, etc), but on my own terms.

I don't know what to suggest. I just think bribery and especially punishment will only make it worse.

I would just stop picking up her stuff, flushing her loo, cleaning up after her etc. If she leaves dirty knickers on the family bathroom floor, dump them back in her room. Sooner or later she will find how unpleasant this makes her room, and will shape up.

Plus it's very possible that someone at school will point out if her personal hygiene is lacking - and that might help.

The other thing to hope is that when she discovers boys, she will discover hygiene too.

I have had various problems like this, trying to peel of towels off g strings that have been round the washing machine etc... boys that cant pee straight (why do we ever tell them to stand up - must be mad). The sanitary issue is hard I would just leave her to it. My dd stop being so mucky when she left some clothes at a friends house who parent was a single dad and was mortified that he had had to remove her pad from her pants before washing them I thinks it was ok for us to think she was a trollope but she was mortifield to think other people would.

Also my fav household tip... we only have one bathroom and 3 kids and a builder hubby. I now leave the bath full of cleaning fluid all the time so they have to clean it before they get in it....This has been revolutionary in our house, as soon as someone gets out the bath I smother it in cif and who ever uses it next has to clean it first.

Sneaky, rose - I like it!!

I only have boys so no help on the st side.
But both boys have gone through a phase of not washing.
DS1 was cured by a sudden interest in girls and now has to be prised out of the bathroom.
DS2 is a little later developing but the signs are now there in the form of sweaty , smelly armpits. He always leaves the bathwater crystal clear and last night I had to have words. He'd had a bath before bed and was then busy dousing himself with deoderant because he was still very whiffy. (Eye wateringly so).
I marched him back to the bathroom to have another bath , this time with soap.

I'd be a bit concerned to be honest, it makes me wonder if her mood is low?
I have two teen girls (and two teen boys... didn't think THAT one thro when I was having all those babies ) and while both girls are disgustingly UNTIDY, they are clean, and I think I have only ever accidentally washed the odd sanitary towel with pants, certainly not a regular thing to find them lying around (or not used)

I'd actually be inclined to go the other way to some suggestions... I'd help her out MORE in keeping everything clean and tidy. She's 13, her body has recently changed in a way she may be struggling with and in denial about, and nagging won't help but may make her more inclined to leave things to be gross!

Can you spot her looking tired and offer to run her a nice bubble bath? (with dettol in it if she is a bit stinky!?) I have done that in the past just when the odd kid is looking worn down, grab the clothes before they are really grubby etc. Certainly she should take some responsibility, but really 13 yr olds are just babies and thrown into puberty, and not all can cope!

if all else fails, at some point a BOY will give her sudden cause to be sparkly clean... happens every time...

Take her for a chat with the Health Visitor at least.

DD used to be a complete soap dodger. It drove me absolutely mad. She would go days without washing, have to be bloody well reminded to brush her teeth, would wear clothes to bed and then wear them out the next day (until I policed her).

I too thought it was a fit of rebellion and a two fingered gesture to me, but in every otehr way she was very happy and loving.

It got to the point where I had a mental checklist - brush your hair, wash, clean teeth, clean knickers etc every day. I think I nagged it out of her.

Actually tell a lie all started changing when she got a boyfriend. She now is getting better and washes every day.

STILL have to remind her to clean her damn teeth at the age of 14

(just heading out the door)
me - have you cleaned your teeth?
dd - oh no, I forgot, I will just go and do it
me

Rose, that is an amazingly sneaky trick. I think I will start doing that.

As for teens, they can take years to adapt. I think what did it for me when I was a teen was when we got a dog - she used to pick STs out of the bin and then my brothers and dad would find them on the stairs!!!

I have several teens and they are quite good, but they do nothing unless they are told. When I tell them to do something, they do so without complaining, but they won''t take the initiative.

My eldest daughter is 13 and she hasn't started her periods yet, but I can't imagine that she will cope well. She will be secretive and in denial, I am sure. She is not good with putting her clothes in laundry (and the basket is right outside her door). She will often put on dirty clothes, but changes when told.

Mine all do their own laundry, so when DD does start, she will be able to sneak her pants into the machine. When I was a teen, my mum did all the laundry and I didn't want any witnesses to my underwear, hence the stashing.

I had a problem with buying STs when I was a teen. My sister had left home, and (presumably) my mum was in menopause, so there was no stock of STs in the house. I never asked for money, nor did my mum take the initiative, so I had to buy what I needed out of my £2 pocket money. I think nowadays, child/adult relationships are much more open, so hopefully my DDs will not have the same anguish. In my day, we didn't talk to one another at school about periods, but, as a teacher in a girls' school, I do know that they are quite open with one another.

I have the same trouble with my 13 yo DD. She also borrows my clothes without asking and I don't know what has happened to them. They have just joined the ever-growing pile of c**p on her bedroom floor. She will change her bedding every couple of weeks, but I have the same with the ST stuff and dirty knickers. I am at my wits' end as the smell from her bedroom is starting to invade the rest of the house.

When I have been at the end of my tether and cleared her bedroom myself I just got almost out-of-control cross about the amount of c**p that was in there. She thinks nothing of borrowing other people's stuff and we find it on the floor. I should also be grateful for any tips.

Thanks, OP, for starting this thread.