teenager hygiene - TMI warning

[shongololo]

So...13 YO DD. How do I get through to her about basic hygiene and taking care of herself an posessions and environment.

This week, Ive had to clear up blood stained knickers from the floor in her room and in the bathroom. She started her periods about 4 months ago and we had on many occassions had the talk about what would happen and how to cope. She has a drawer full of ST, I have another drawer full in the bathroom, she has every tampon brand known to womankind to try. So why is she using tissue paper? Or nothing?

Also. toiletting. Walk into her bathroom (she has en suite) and there are always poos in the loo. FFS! And she denies it is her - always blaming her brothers. But they have been told under NO circumstances must their enter her bathroom. Evidently the poo pixies like to visit her room regularly.

The toilet is flushed so seldom that I had to do a drastic empy the loo and fill with harpic for 8 hour mission today to get it clean. Came home from dropping a ds2 friend at home and could smell something bad on landing - yep, those pesky poo pixies had been in again. Also, there is no sign that hands have been washed.

Then there is basi personal hygiene. She bathes every day (yeay!). But the water is so uncontaminated by soaps that you could drink it afterwards (boo). Needless to say facecloths are not de rigeur in our household.

SHe also has about 4 deodorants in her room - a couple of roll ons, and a couple of spray ons. Does she use them? Does she heck.

And a hairbrush....whats that for then?

Please tell me this is just another annoying teenager phase and that it will get better?

The deal we have done with our DD (aged 14) is that her bedroom is her space but if it becomes unhygenic then it will be thoroughly cleaned for which she will have to pay (she now gets an allowance).

When periods first started there were a few underwear incidents however DH spoke with her (he does the laundry) and DD quickly cleaned up her act.

It is a case of balancing nagging with giving freedom. The allowance gives DD control over what clothes she has - she has a limited budget so really wants what she has and treats it with some respect.

Is it possible the pants thing is just accidental? In other words, does she maybe not realise that / exactly when her period is coming? Can you make her rub through the dirty knickers with soap and warm water before putting them in the wash perhaps? Maybe you need to show her how too. (Probably not going to be a fun task for you, demonstrate with a clean pair then stand over her while she does the first one...) Otherwise, it seems a bit strange. Is there a problem with drugs or alcohol?

LOL @ poo pixies!

I am yet to reach this delightful stage. But I do have a few friends with DDs a few years older than mine and this seems to be a common problem.

I can offer no advice - my worse so far is persuading my 11yo to wash her hair before it looks like its been dipped in a chip pan. However, speaking to other mums the behaviour you describe is not abnormal. I am assured by some of the mums that it lasts a year or 2 and then the opposite applies - you will never be able to get into the bathroom ever again!

OP - I don't mean this in an accusing way at all, but are you/DH setting a good example? i.e. does DD see you taking care of yourself as you want her to?

could she have showers instead of baths? they're quicker so won't be as much effort.

I do think it's partly adjusting to having periods and it's maybe freaked her out a bit. she needs to know there is nothing embarrassing about it, and she doesn't have to hide her bloody knickers.

but overall it sounds like low self esteem to me. people with low self-worth fail to see the point in looking after their appearance (I should know!) - it is really worth finding out how she feels about this.

try to get it sorted out asap. others have said she'll get a kick up the bum if her friends pick up on it, but it'll make her feel worse. so don't let it get that far.

Yes, better she hears it from you than the boys in the playground.

shongololo.... is it possible we share the same DD... mine has a shower possibly 2, 3 times a week, then leaves the towel on her bedroom floor..

she hides her used ST in her draw, even though I give her doggy poo bags to discard them.. and her pissy blood stained pants are left on the floor. I refuse to do laundry service ie picking up, but will do the same day washing service if the clothes are put in the washing bin. what really annoys me is that she wears my pants when hers have run out because they are all on her bedroom floor..

Her clothes only get washed when they get put in the laundry bin as I refuse to pick them up as well...

she only washes her face and underarms when she has a shower and prefers to take her make up off with baby lotion... so no soap and water at all!

rarely remembers to use the deoderant and frequently hums in this weather...

I am seperated from her father and recently he emailed me telling me how dirty she was and how I must make her wash more! I told him I see it as a phase that she is going through, and that I cannot physically throw her into the bath! besides, I pick my battles..

I am hoping this all changes when she finds a boyfriend, but them I'll have another set of 'worries'

let me know if you find any 'cures'

I remember my sister being like this. She would put used tampons in the bin at least, but would never empty it. The dog would get hold of the bloody tampons and lie in the hall chewing them [boak][boak][boak]

What helped was a bin in the bathroom (hadn't had one before), her own laundry bin in her bedroom (so much easier than just on the landing ), and her having to do her own laundry.

Also random friends popping round and seeing the state of her bedroom, and two older sisters telling her how revolting it was

Magicmayhem do you have my daughter's twin? That sounds just like her. Doesn't like to have a shower, even in this hot weather. DH, DS and I all shower at least once a day, so I really don't know where this comes from. She also doesn't put her clothes in the laundry, frequently has bloody underpants on the floor in her room and resorts to using mine when she has used all hers up.

I have threatened to take the door off her bedroom, but the odour would seep into the rest of the house! Don't know how to proceed.

Jareth, I did try the laundry basket in the bedroom, but that didn't work either. We have a bin in the bathroom and she has one in her bedroom, but if she ever does put her used sanitaryware in the bin, she doesn't roll it up, wrap it up, or anything - it's just left there in all its glory!

I would also be grateful for any tips from anyone.

I took my (smelly) DS to Lush and said he could buy shower stuff and bath bombs of his choice, this has helped!

Otherwise...buy a pedal bin with attached lid?

buy a lock for your bedroom door so she can't take your clothes/towels when she runs out of hers?

They DO grow out of it but you can help nudge them into being nicer people to live with!

IloveJudgeJudy, they do sound alike... I forgot to mention that my DD also had loads of festering dishes in her room as well... the final straw came when I nearly had to eat my frosties off a plate! so I gave her just one dish with her name on it and hid the rest... seems to be working at the moment

noteventhebestdrummer.. I have now resorted to a lock in my door.... never thought I would have to live like this though

will be watching this thread for more tips... or just gratitude that I'm not alone!

It's probably laziness - teens are lazy buggers.

I'd talk to her about the lack of menstrual hygiene. She could get infections and at the very least she will really start to smell.

She should keep sanitary wear handy - in her bag, in her bathroom right beside the loo, and in a drawer in her bedroom, along with scented bags to get rid of the towels in the bin. it is a basic thing - like learning to wipe your bum after you've done a poo. She needs to get to grips with it now.

My DD is 12 and is like this, no periods yet but I have to tell her to shower, she actually smelled last week . Her room is full of dirty clothes and dishes. She's on a pocket money ban until she sorts herself out. It''s just laziness with her.

I doubt there is some deeper issue here, I think she's probably just being absent minded and forgetful.
My dd is 9 and often forgets to flush and wash her hands. In fact she often goes for a noisy poo in the downstairs bathroom with the door wide open then just walks away... no flush or handwash.
I keep on at her about it, but unfortunately I think I was like this at her age.
I also left a used towel on the floor of a shared bathroom at uni! Was a genuine mistake, I was in another world but boy did I get slated by my housemates! Suppose I deserved it but it was not on purpose! I was very

My dd (14) has only just started embracing showers but her hygiene with regard to leaving dirty pants around (full of all the colours of the rainbow) or sanitary towels rolled up in toilet paper and left in the open bathroom bin is NOT GOOD.

I threaten to put them in her school bag

I am amazed by the actions of some teens on this thread. My 16year old DD has never left STs or blood stained pants anywhere. She just wouldn't. I would not allow it either. What are you all doing about it?

mears you are lucky to have an abnormal teenager

I'm with Mears - my DD (age 13, almost 14) has been having periods since she was 11... never left STs lying around (has had the occasional stained pants when she's started out of sync, but put them in bin/wash as appropriate or helps sort - and at all times TALKS to me!!) and showers 3 times a week.. takes hours over her hair!!...

I have to say I find the idea of such unhygenic teens quite worrying....

I posted about this very issue about a year ago (specifically discarded STs) and the best thing was finding out how common it is - I thought I must be some mum-freak. A year on and things are definitely better if not perfect - got a nicer, lidded bin for the bathroom, and did more shouting, but it's probably just growing up. I do wonder whether a trip to the doc is indicated tho' if there are any other worries about behaviour, or just to reinforce that this could affect her / family members' health.

Re room tidiness, my tactic was to get in there more frequently and tidy hard, removing all dodgy stuff. Complaints about 'get out of my space / face' were met with 'I'll get out when I'm satisfied this room is not a health hazard - other people live in this house too.' Seems to have had some effect and the whole place is pleasanter. I'll immediately wash stuff, and hang it out, but DD has to take it off airer, and iron it if she wants to (generally doesn't). That way I know it's clean but her appearance is her business.

Anyway good luck - this behaviour stinks in more ways that one!

Geez I feel heaps better now Lol, My fifteen yr old is a filthy one. He go's two weeks on average between showers and I never see his socks or jocks unless I get them myself. I am not able to force him to wash as he point blank refuses to do what he doesnt want to.

I am so grateful I am not alone!

My D is 13 and has had her period for well over a year. Plenty of time to adjust IMHO. She will shower twice a day or more if we'd let her, for 45 minutes or more (if we let her).

She brushes her teeth, flosses.. but her room is beyond disgusting. She leaves blood soaked pads and tampons on her floor mixed in with her dirty clothes. There's not an inch of carpet showing anywhere. We've talked to her, removed her door, yelled... nothing is working.

I just went in today and removed EVERYTHING that was on her floor and put it all into garbage bags (4 of them) If she wants something from them, she will have to dig through the filth. I've even threatened to post pictures on facebook! not that I would, but I am sorely tempted to find some way to get through to her.

Her friends come over, she doesn't care. She has 3 brothers, 2 cats and a dog... you'd think she'd at least try and stash this crap where it can't be seen, instead of in the middle of the floor.

I need some helpful advice, or at least other parents that are in the same boat that can understand the frustration and anger

Oh how I wish I had mumsnet to turn to when my dd was in her teens. Her habits were every bit as disgusting and she has only just begun to attend to her personal hygiene now she is in her early 20s and has a steady boyfriend. All I can say to you all is that there is hope but it maybe a long haul.

Have had a chat about this with DD (16) -I think and so does she that a lot of teens need more support(not less) around this time.Infuriating but true.
I tend to do a check of the bedroom status in the evenings under the guise of "any washing need doing"etc
Sanitary towels etc on the floor -no way!I am happy to provide a small binbag etc to pop them in .
Agree that severe hygiene problems are often a sign of depression .
I Have to fight mine off to get a chance at any hot water in this house !
Our cat loves sneaking into DD s room and stealing unused tampons to play with-she brings them downstairs to play with

And I thought I was the only one -thank god i am not !
My DD is now 15 and still has what i would consider to be awful hygiene and a vv messy room.
It hurts me to buy her nice clothes and they end up tossed on the floor .
We have dogs who have searched in the bin for the sanitary towels and also the stinky knickers -and come downstairs with them .
Nothing seems to shame her to change that I have found yet .
No problem with showering just the dirty bathroom habits which doesn't match the willingness to shower .

Anyway I too will gladly seek advice from other frustrated Mums ....

the previous suggestion of putting it all into bin bags is pretty appealing ....

I know it's a long-shot, but does is she autistic? I'm an aspie and I had the exact same issues when I was her age, worse in fact, and it is very common for children on the autistic spectrum to be like this, even if they are high-functioning.

As a note at her age she's at far higher risk of TSS (which isn't as rare as people seem to believe), infections, irritation/allergic reactions caused by tampons (and many pad brands) and increased cramps.

I suggest you try her with a menstrual cup, there is no risk of TSS, infections or irritation, she'd not need to use pads, they are more comfortable and can lessen cramps so she's more likely to use them. With cups she can use them with any flow for 12 hours, including overnight, so no need for her to fuss about with precautions or using pads as she would with tampons. PLUS cups don't leak like tampons or pads so less risk of bloody underwear for you to find!