teenager hygiene - TMI warning

[shongololo]

So...13 YO DD. How do I get through to her about basic hygiene and taking care of herself an posessions and environment.

This week, Ive had to clear up blood stained knickers from the floor in her room and in the bathroom. She started her periods about 4 months ago and we had on many occassions had the talk about what would happen and how to cope. She has a drawer full of ST, I have another drawer full in the bathroom, she has every tampon brand known to womankind to try. So why is she using tissue paper? Or nothing?

Also. toiletting. Walk into her bathroom (she has en suite) and there are always poos in the loo. FFS! And she denies it is her - always blaming her brothers. But they have been told under NO circumstances must their enter her bathroom. Evidently the poo pixies like to visit her room regularly.

The toilet is flushed so seldom that I had to do a drastic empy the loo and fill with harpic for 8 hour mission today to get it clean. Came home from dropping a ds2 friend at home and could smell something bad on landing - yep, those pesky poo pixies had been in again. Also, there is no sign that hands have been washed.

Then there is basi personal hygiene. She bathes every day (yeay!). But the water is so uncontaminated by soaps that you could drink it afterwards (boo). Needless to say facecloths are not de rigeur in our household.

SHe also has about 4 deodorants in her room - a couple of roll ons, and a couple of spray ons. Does she use them? Does she heck.

And a hairbrush....whats that for then?

Please tell me this is just another annoying teenager phase and that it will get better?

I used to be like this- I ws dyspraxic, so had "issues" with hair brushing etc (still find it stressful, but just have to grit my teeth and do it) and then, when I started getting tesed for being dirty and smelly, that decreased my self esteen so much that I didn't feel the need to do it, and also it felt that looking after myself would let them "win", if that makes sense.

I also hid that I had started my periods for about a year, as I didn't know how to start the conversation, also it seemed too "adult", and I didn't feel old enough to deal with it.

Could you mybe have a pampering evening, to get over that barrier, during that causually let her see how to use various lotions or whatever (anything that makes her feel a bit pampered- it is all about loving yourself) and then leave them around for her to use? Hopefully then the rest would follow.

I second letting her do her own laundry too.

This thread is 6 months old!

OP never returned- wonder if things have improved?

I stumbled across this doing a search , and i too would like to know if things improved ? my daughter is coming up 18 and is the dirtiest person i have ever clapped eyes on , she doesn't wash regular or change her underwear , she stinks ,and causes my house to smell , if she does on the off chance have a shower her underwear is left for me to clean up , she leaves used sanitary towels all over the house , in full view of any visitors i may have , tbh im desparate for help and im starting to slip into a bit of depression cause of the way she is ,i have had other trouble with her aswell getting into wrong crowd's , her boyfriend is also dirty aswell , i honestly dont know what to do , but i spend more days crying that i do not

please dont tell me to tell her to do her own laundry etc as she simply wont do it and just take my underwear and clothes instead

cliomandy I really feel for you because I was really depressed about my dd's disgusting lack of hygiene.
I was scrupulously clean when growing up and my own mother would have a fit if she knew about my dd's disgusting habits.
From your description your dd and mine could be twins and it actually got worse when she went to uni and had her own room in a shared house. In fact she lost most of her deposit when she left because of the state of the matress, floor and general stink. How her housemates endured it I'll never know but whenever I visited I noticed there were air fresheners all over the house. The day she left the house I helped her clean up - there was even poo on the floor, amongst her papers and clothes! Whenever I tried to talk to her about it she just blanked me or denied it was her. Nor did she ever take any baths.
I was very seriously worried about her and used to cry about it too. I tried to speak to her GP but she didn't take me seriously and wasn't prepared to discuss it as she didn't have my daughter's consent. I felt like taking a bag of my dd's stinking STs and uriney, pooey, bloodstained clothese and plonking them on her desk but I never did. HOWEVER she is home now and thank the lord she is as clean as they come. She bathes every day, changes her clothes regularly and her room no longer smells. She is still seriously untidy, with clothes all over the floor, but just in the last few weeks she has begun tidying her room and throwing things out.

So I think it is just that the transition to adulthood takes much longer for some than others.

Sorry for this very long post but I spent so many years frantic with worry and just had to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I wouldn't read too much into it. I get a bit worried that we seem to jump to looking at depression,attention seeking,trouble at school. My daughter started periods a year ago she's 12 now...she gets through sooooooo many pairs of knicks as cant get the hang of towels despite me telling,nagging,showing her where they go. She quite often uses loo roll as an ST. She happily leaves loo looking like Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Puts knicks and sanitary towels on MY bedroom floor when I ask if she's got any washing. She fibs when she says she's had a shower, when in fact she's only tipped head over bath to wash her hair.(hair is all she's worried about) Luckily she doesn't smell, although that is no reason not to wash. Her friends will soon tell her if she pongs, which carries far more clout than anything mums say. All quite "normal" as far as I'm concerned. Annoying and disgusting, but normal.

Bump.

it may be a case of denial, or just bad hygiene

one poster said threaten to supervise her sounds like a good threat lol

I have a 14 year old daughter that has just had 3 periods so far

I told her about what I had read on other parenting forums about girls leaving dirty towels in their rooms and she was all YUK about it

But last time she was on she must have whipped off her jeans and knickers at the same time and popped them in her wash basket. I managed not to get an eyeful but just called to through to me holding out the jeans and told her to sort it! If it happens again, I will just leave it on her pillow!!

Ensuite is a privilege, not a right. You do not need the extra work of cleaning a fetid bathroom.

If she can't keep her bathroom in a reasonable state, it will be padlocked and she can share with her brothers.

I am glad I read this thread. i have a 14 year old DD and have had some of the yucky issues on here. I also have a younger 11 year old DD and she is quite abit tidier thank goodness. I make DD tidy her room and refuse to accept used pads dumped anywhere, it's a lack of care for others in the house and yucky for others to have to clean up. Luckily that only happened a few times but I was quite shocked as i would have been mortified at that age. I have spoke to a few of her friends mums as we often chat and many of them have the same issues so think it is on the normal teenage spectrum. DD is washing abit more which is good and her mood is a bit better lately so I am hoping we are over the worst but you never know.

I'm glad you have been able to share this problem with some of your RL friends, Jellybeans. None of mine admitted that their dc had similar hygiene problems, which made me feel even more anxious. It was only some time later that a friend said she had gone through something similar. I felt so relieved!

Cliomandy Everything you posted could be said about my DD(14) with the added fact that she has a week bladder so she dribbles urine a lot or even wets herself if she cant get to the toilet on time. Still she will sit in these smelly clothes until she is told to sort herself out. Even then she just takes of the wet smelly clothes, leaves them on her bedroom floor and put pajama bottoms on, without washing!

She was under the hospital when she was younger and nothing really helped but we were reassured things would get better on their own. They never did. I recently got her refared back to the hospital. She doesn't want to go to appointments and make excuses to get out of them. I feel its a waste of time taking her if she doesn't want to help herself. Last time they gave her tablets to help control her bladder and she wasn't taking them unless I stood over her and made sure. Her attitude was, they wont work so why bother.

She has a shower about once a fortnight if we are lucky, but will give her face a quick wash so she can re-apply her makeup. She wont go out without straightening her hair though. The other morning I had to guard the front door because she was trying to to school in a shirt she had slept in. She changed the shirt but didn't get washed.

I really don't know where to turn next. Her dads idea is bulling tactics followed by blaming me for being such a lousy parent. He believes that I must have never told the DCs to wash or brush their teeth otherwise we would not have a battle with them.

Cliomandy you could be me, right down to the h!ospital referrals and treatment

Am new to mumsnet, am desperately in despair at my stepdaughters lack of hygiene! Always had a problem getting her to bath or shower everyday (this was not helped by her own mother telling her it was ok to shower everyother day) Periods started a year ago and have been through the sanitary towel and dirty knickers on bedroom floor, dont shout at her, have tried talking to her on numerous occasions but seems to go in one ear and out of the other. Total despair last week when she managed to leave a ladies mess (to put it politely) on the bathroom floor (cream carpet) twice, once on bathroom mat and mess left in bottom of the bath for me to clean up behind her, totally grossed me out. She is 16 has a job and a boyfriend, cant ground her or punish her finacially as she earns her own money but cannot continue with this total disregard for her own hygiene and others in the household (two boys) Any miracle suggestions would be greatgly recieved!!

Ladies mess.
I haven't got to this problem yet, DD is only 10.
Nicky, I'd start a new thread, this one is old and long.

Thank god I'm not the only one with this teenage problem!!

I'm Nag of the month with my DD 16 -she is improving but is SO absent-minded I have to keep remnding her.

I tell both mine (other DD is 14) that if they want to be treated as adults they have to show me they are capable of behaving like adults.

That said I do spend time babying them on occasion, bubble baths & girly chats whilst I wash their hair/paint their toe-nails/ generally pamper them as a treat.

We have our best "random conversations" as the 14 yr old calls them while one of us is in the bath (usually me trying to get some peace!) & the other 2 sit around chatting.

Amazing what topics come up .....

Hello, I am 16 (17 in 2 months) and i hide used SP and food wrappers around my room in draws cupboards under bed etc. but never leave in obvious places. I know I SHOULD NOT do this but i do and i know i am doing it but i don't know why i am doing it - i do a large amount of family laundry (DM DF and 2 DB) i have a bin in my room and in the bathroom and share a bathroom with DF and both brothers

this has been going on for 4 years
PLEASE HELP

Poo in her loo and leave it there unflushed. I doubt it will help but it will make a change.

Sorry khloe that wasn't aimed at you! Reward yourself for throwing them away instead of hiding them. "When I've chucked this lot away I can buy myself a new bit of makeup/magazine/watch towie again"?

hahaha i thought as much :) thanks for the suggestion i will try anything at this point