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Tattoos

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Bridesmaid

73 replies

merlotmummy14 · 26/10/2018 17:29

I figured this would be better in tattoos as I know some of mn can be quite judgy towards tattoos whereas I'd get a bit more perspective here if I am being unreasonable. Due to get married in 7 months and my only bridesmaid has gone and got a huge facial tattoo across her forehead in a barely legible hideous gothic font a few days ago. I have a few tattoos that are hidden by my dress and while she has a lot of other visible tattoos and peircings, they are somewhat tasteful. She has one other small facial tattoo that is about doable. Other than the fact she'll never get a job in any customer facing role ever again and she most likely did it to get revenge on her pos dad for something he said, would I be a bridezilla to say I don't want her as a bridesmaid as everybody will remember my wedding as the one with the bridesmaid with the horrible face tattoo. I'm quite upset that she's done this without thinking about me or my partner and our DD or or both our very conservative families who will be at wedding (my super religious gran will most likely have a heart attack). It's supposed to be a lovely summer affair but I feel this will just taint the whole thing. I've been best friends with her for about 5 years but this is by far the most selfish thing she's done. I've let her pick out her own dress without restrictions other than "No red or black" and "please don't have your tits hanging out" and even offered to pay for it. I've been very laid back about the whole wedding but I think this is definitely a straw too far. Am I being unreasonable to tell her I really don't want her as my bridesmaid And how do I go about telling her?

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 27/10/2018 15:42

Are you sure it is a real, permanent tattoo?
Surely no-one is that stupid?
Does she have a job?

MaggieAndHopey · 28/10/2018 07:43

I really couldn't give a monkeys about your friend's facial tattoo (though FWIW it was a rather dubious decision on her part) but just wanted to add a big sarcastic thanks for dragging all the haters over to the tattoo forum - which, unusually for mumsnet, had been a supportive and friendly space for tattoo chat.

needsanewname · 28/10/2018 07:59

Totally unreasonable to think that she'd think of you and your partner before getting it but not unreasonable to say you don't want her to be a bridesmaid anymore.

ChicagoLil · 28/10/2018 08:18

Can you change the bridesmaid headdresses ? You can get halos of flowers that will fit right over the forehead to disguise it that way.

LoniceraJaponica · 28/10/2018 08:26

Can we establish if it is really a permanent tattoo?

FabulouslyGlamorousFerret · 28/10/2018 09:22

but just wanted to add a big sarcastic thanks for dragging all the haters over to the tattoo forum - which, unusually for mumsnet, had been a supportive and friendly space for tattoo chat.

Behave, no one is hating on tattoos - they are 'hating' on tattooing 'RUINER' across your flipping fod!!

I'm a massive tattoo lover and think she's (B/maid) a fool

cricketmum84 · 28/10/2018 09:29

Behave, no one is hating on tattoos - they are 'hating' on tattooing 'RUINER' across your flipping fod!!

I second this wholeheartedly. I love tattoos, I have tattoos. Tattooing RUINER across your FOREHEAD is just stupid.

merlotmummy14 · 28/10/2018 22:29

@justabrokendoll That pic made me laugh, you're right, it could definitely be a lot worse.

After a few days thinking about it and calming down, I kinda realise it's not that selfish, maybe a little thoughtless but not really selfish. I think the theatre make up and a flower headband are the best ideas if she says yes to it. If not, I'm going to ask her to step down from bridesmaid.

@nksw no adult should 'mother' another adult. I've offered her emotional support, I've encouraged her to access the correct services and even offered to go with her, do you think the next step is to bribe her with candy to get into the GP's office or trick her into thinking we're going to the funfair? Don't confuse "true friend" with "unhealthy codependent relationships".

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 28/10/2018 22:33

merlotmummy14 please put me out of my misery. Is it a real tattoo? Surely no-one is stupid enough to do that? Are you sure it isn't a wind up?

merlotmummy14 · 28/10/2018 22:38

Swear it's a real tattoo on my daughter's life, I thought it was a prank when she showed me the stencil but it is now properly tattooed on her forehead for the rest of her life (or till she decides to get it removed).

OP posts:
GreenDinosaur · 28/10/2018 22:39

Has she explained what the word means to her or why she chose it?
I'm morbidly fascinated!

merlotmummy14 · 28/10/2018 22:42

She says it's from a song she likes by nine inch nails.

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 28/10/2018 22:42

Does she have a job?

merlotmummy14 · 28/10/2018 22:43

She works as a body piercer in a tattoo studio currently so obviously not a problem for her boss.

OP posts:
GreenDinosaur · 28/10/2018 22:43

Very awkward position for you though OP, if you've asked her to be a bridesmaid it's going to be difficult to un-ask her without upsetting her.
I'm sure you don't want to hurt her as she's obviously quite unstable but it would eclipse the wedding somewhat.

GreenDinosaur · 28/10/2018 22:45

Ah. Cheers for the answer. I used to like some NIN stuff but it doesn't ring a bell.

GreenDinosaur · 28/10/2018 22:47

I think a massive floral headpiece is the only way to go. Good luck!

merlotmummy14 · 28/10/2018 22:49

That's what I'm thinking, I mean I think I'd be pretty gutted if somebody unmade me their bridesmaid but she's already emotionally fragile on top of it. On the other hand I don't want to have to give up one of the happiest days of my life to keep her happy, it's not fair on my DP or DD either. I'm going to leave it to sit for a month or 2, I'm worried I'll either end up losing my best friend by offending her or resenting her for ruining our wedding day for the rest of our lives.

OP posts:
luckycat007 · 28/10/2018 23:04

It is indeed a NIN song and a cracking one at that.

It wouldn't bother me but you are fair enough in feeling the way you do.

SillyMoomin · 28/12/2018 21:30

How’d the talk go with her op?

DaisyChainsForever · 26/02/2019 15:34

Wondering if there's an update OP? Is she still your bridesmaid?

NunoGoncalves · 05/03/2019 16:41

Not something that would bother me but I'm someone who is not concerned with physical appearances at all. Everybody on this thread is talking about the photos, but you could just ask the photographer to photoshop it out in all the photos she appears in. That would be extremely simple (if a little weird).

MrsRubyMonday · 05/03/2019 16:57

As a last resort, there's always the option of getting your photos retouched to remove the tattoo if makeup won't cover it. At least if there's one or two you want to put on display. It's not a great option for the day itself, but then she's included and you get your lovely pictures with your friend, who is clearly going through a hard time, even if she won't admit to it.

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