Bridesmaid

[merlotmummy14]

I figured this would be better in tattoos as I know some of mn can be quite judgy towards tattoos whereas I'd get a bit more perspective here if I am being unreasonable. Due to get married in 7 months and my only bridesmaid has gone and got a huge facial tattoo across her forehead in a barely legible hideous gothic font a few days ago. I have a few tattoos that are hidden by my dress and while she has a lot of other visible tattoos and peircings, they are somewhat tasteful. She has one other small facial tattoo that is about doable. Other than the fact she'll never get a job in any customer facing role ever again and she most likely did it to get revenge on her pos dad for something he said, would I be a bridezilla to say I don't want her as a bridesmaid as everybody will remember my wedding as the one with the bridesmaid with the horrible face tattoo. I'm quite upset that she's done this without thinking about me or my partner and our DD or or both our very conservative families who will be at wedding (my super religious gran will most likely have a heart attack). It's supposed to be a lovely summer affair but I feel this will just taint the whole thing. I've been best friends with her for about 5 years but this is by far the most selfish thing she's done. I've let her pick out her own dress without restrictions other than "No red or black" and "please don't have your tits hanging out" and even offered to pay for it. I've been very laid back about the whole wedding but I think this is definitely a straw too far. Am I being unreasonable to tell her I really don't want her as my bridesmaid And how do I go about telling her?

I had no idea there was a tattoos topic! Who knew??

I would totally ditch her as a bridesmaid, sod that for a game of soldiers.

Can it be hid with make up
I hate facial tattoos, so can understand your distress.

I think you'd BU to ditch your bridesmaid because you don't like a change in her appearance, yes.

Umm that's pretty fucked up. Is she OK? How does she feel about the tattoo? How often do you see her?

its not just a change in appearance, though, is it? A huge facial tattoo? Talk about making it All About Her.

Tell her that her facial tattoo is so off the wall it will attract all attention away from the married couple in all photos. Obviously that's not an option so you'll be asking her to cover it 100% (dermablend) or won't take it personally if she chooses to bow out of her role.

Pretty sure she'll get the message. Good luck.

I think you're being unreasonable to expect her to think about you before getting it, taking it personally etc. However, I don't think you're unreasonable to not want someone with a big face tattoo as bridesmaid. When you say right across her forehead are you exaggerating or is literally from like temple to temple?

That would be enough for me to stop her being bridesmaid. I wouldn't want it all over my pictures and being all anyone talked about

Fake fringe to cover it? But really the question is what does it say?

Just ask her nicely to cover it up with makeup on the day . If she kicks off though I'd probably say she won't be the bridesmaid in that case 🤷‍♀️

Is she still your friend? If so, a change in her appearance shouldn’t be relevant.

Me and any friends I have who have been BMs have all understood that it's courtesy to not make any major changes to your appearance in the lead-up. For example one of my BMs waited until after my wedding to dye her hair bright red from her natural blonde (I didn't ask her to do this btw). A face tattoo comes under "major changes" imho.

I'd go with another PPs suggestion that you say something along the lines of "I'd like your new tat to be covered with make-up on the day, if you're not comfortable with that i understand if you'd prefer to attend as a guest" or something. But seems like there might be deeper issues at play here.

Who gives a shit? Genuinely. If she's a great friend you'll want her to be part of your happiness. If aesthetics are more important to you, then ditch her, but be ready to lose a friend.

YABU to think she should have taken you and your family etc into consideration. Your wedding is probably not in the forefront of her mind if it’s 7 months away and what she does with her body is completely up to her.

That said YANBU if you don’t want her to be bridesmaid - it’s your wedding and who you choose to be bridesmaid is your choice. However, if she is your best friend and you’ve already asked her to be bridesmaid don’t expect her to take the news well, she may be hurt by your decision, if she’s chosen to get a tattoo like this she probably doesn’t share your views around how it will be perceived.

It says "ruiner" and covers about 60% of her forehead and couldn't be covered with a fringe without the fringe covering her eye. It's black but if we forked out for some special effects make up she could maybe cover it but it would be very obvious she was wearing a tonne of make up to cover it which contrasts from me wearing very little make up (e.g. maybe some mascara and lip gloss). I don't even know if she'd be open to that as she's very much got an attitude of "it's my body, it's my choice, I would never change myself to please anyone" but could certainly raise it. Like it's just such a huge decision and to not even ask her best friend for a second opinion makes me feel like it's a one sided relationship.

Sorry, but I judge anyone who has facial tattoos. That shows a serious lack of judgement and social awareness. I would ask your photographer if she/he can edit the tattoos out of the photos before you make any decisions.

How does she feel about being your bridesmaid?

Ruiner? She sounds like she's not OK. Are you worried about her?

If my best friend did this I'd be far more concerned about her mental health than my wedding photos

Ditch her. If one of my friends got “ruiner” tattooed across her forehead I’d assume that I’d misjudged how much we had in common in the first place.

I agree, she sounds like she’s quite unhappy. Have you talked to her about it?

However, her decision to get a facial tatto has nothing to do with you or your wedding, and so is not “selfish”.

Having said that, you would not be unreasonable to ask her to cover up or step down as BM. Her appearance will detract attention from you and your HTB, on the day and in pictures.

I think you need to settle down a bit going on about how she hasn’t thought about your family in her decision to get a tattoo (why on earth would she be considering how religious your gran is?!) BUT I’m not exactly against the point you’re making. I don’t think I’d like that in my wedding photos either but presumably she hasn’t changed as a person and as such is still your friend, so I wouldn’t ditch her, just very strongly suggest proper special effects type make up.
As a side note, I’d be concerned about her mental health. That’s a massively self sabotaging thing to do. Is she okay?

What twatty said.

I would be very worried about a friend who did this, especially if you think it was supposed to get back at someone else. I understand how you feel about the bridesmaid thing but your wedding is 7 months away so for now I’d try to focus on supporting her.

Mac did a fantastic job of covering up a deep purple completely black eye (by completely I mean all over- eyelid, up to brow bone, round the sides and extending about an inch below the eye. I didn't look like I was plastered in makeup. It was fantastic.