Surrogacy expensive

[Jodifer10]

My message pretty much is do all surrogates have to be paid so much money? Is there any surrogates who are happy to help desperate parents. Me and my partner can afford another child we just simply cannot afford the type of ivf we need or surrogacy fees. I have a child who is 10 desperate for a sibling :( cries and talks about it all the time! My partner on the other hand he has none :( I don't have any tubes due to them needing to be taken away and he has poor swimmers. We are at our wits end so bad that it's just dragging us down all of us when we are so desperate to have a baby, a baby we can call ours. He treats my daughter like she is his own but longing for your own to have a newborn baby and to do the first is a desperate thing for him. Me I was so young when I had my daughter and not with the right person either this time it would be! Both working, drive, house engaged and have so much love for another child. I've come on here for help for some answers maybe I won't get any and this is just to get it off my chest I feel like im hitting a brick wall with no where to turn i don't want to give up on being able to have another baby 😪

Then why the price tag? Pretty sure that's illegal but I'll report anyhow.

*in most of Europe.

But yeah, don’t tout your womb out.

And put a price tag on it. Way to go!

Better your own child’s life with 5k

Actually @Cereals123 you’re making me think of this woman I read about who conned desperate couples- Louise Pollard. Very interesting story.

In America they get paid an enormous amount of money.

In the UK it's costs only.

How will you explain to your child what you're doing?

What happens if the pregnancy/ birth result in long term health issues? Or (less common in the UK but it happens) death? What then?

This is inappropriate.

I get that you need the money but to say that you're prepared to risk your life and health for 5k and if you die she'll get 5k...

You are worth more than anything to her.

I don't get the university fees thing either.

Plus the costs in UK vary wildly and I think 5k would be very cheap. Have you really looked into this?

The best place to post? After thinking?

You've replied to a thread offering to do it for 5k though so that's a response iyswim.

Are you a single Mum on benefits @Cereals123 ?
Because you should be warned - in the UK whilst you can't be paid for surrogacy you can be reimbursed for "expenses" You obviously haven't done much research or you'd know the going rate these days is quite a lot more than £5k hence the OP"s complaint.
However the benefits office are not generous or imaginative in what constitutes an "expense" and some mothers on benefits end up getting a nasty surprise.

I Wasn’t ‘born like that’ whatever that means (I presume you think other posters don’t appreciate what it’s like to be poor) but 5k is hardly enough to change your child’s future! What can 5k do?!

I’m sure she’d rather have her mum focused on her and not growing a baby to give away to someone else anyway she’s three, that’ll be a major headfuck! but actually it’s clear you haven’t done a lot of research at all.

Thanks for the reports. We've removed some posts from this thread for breaking Talk guidelines - that member has left the site now.

I'm very sorry for your experience of infertility op. It is a difficult thing to cope with.

Please get some counselling for yours, your partners and especially your child's wellbeing.

For anyone thinking of becoming a surrogate to do something nice please take the risk seriously. Whilst death may be rare in this country it does happen. What is more common is the very real chance of life long disability that no one talks about. The chance of being incontinent for the rest of your life. Having to wear pads everyday. Having a stoma bag fitted. These are all very common and it is easy to think it won't happen to you because no one talks about it. It very well might. That's without any resulting mental health problems.

The risk and damage each pregnancy does to a mothers body cannot be undone. It is something that will have to be lived with forever.

Just because a previous birth has been ok doesn't mean the next one will be.

I would say consider adoption but these children will need parents who are experts at coping with the additional mental health challenges they are likely to face. Getting some therapy to cope with your own mental health is likely to be your best option for now OP.

I am truly sorry for what you are going through though and I hope you can learn to process it better soon.

I'm confused as to how an 'expenses only' system that we currently have in the U.K. would result in a life changing sum of money on the PP's pocket and where in the world PP lives for 5k to be a life changing sum for her and her daughter.

If she lived outside of the U.K. where £5k is a life changing sum (in some countries if living in poverty) this would effectively mean she was looking to engage in not just baby trafficking, but international baby trafficking and it was purely transactional and not for the generous gift of a child (and a human being is not a gift).

Also for the £5k payment the OP would still need to find money for the IVF treatment and possibly also a sperm donor. Unless of course the OP would propose an unregistered sperm donor inseminates the PP offering U.K. her womb with her own eggs. That wouldn't be even be 'traditional surrogacy' that would be planned adoption of any child born that way.

What an informative thread.

Yes £5k seems a derisory sum for nine months of pregnancy, childbirth and selling giving away a baby.

If the Law Commission proposal to lift the current ban on advertising goes ahead we can expect to see an explosion of this sort of thing.

Was your dd upset before the pandemic? It's understandable she is missing the company of other kids that she'd have regular contact with normally and might be feeling lonely and wishing she had a sibling to keep her company. Could you help her make contact with other kids. She could even meet one local friend for a SD walk at her age

A newborn baby is rubbish company for a ten year old, she’d he well into her teens before she would get much out of having a sibling anyway