Surrogacy expensive

[Jodifer10]

My message pretty much is do all surrogates have to be paid so much money? Is there any surrogates who are happy to help desperate parents. Me and my partner can afford another child we just simply cannot afford the type of ivf we need or surrogacy fees. I have a child who is 10 desperate for a sibling :( cries and talks about it all the time! My partner on the other hand he has none :( I don't have any tubes due to them needing to be taken away and he has poor swimmers. We are at our wits end so bad that it's just dragging us down all of us when we are so desperate to have a baby, a baby we can call ours. He treats my daughter like she is his own but longing for your own to have a newborn baby and to do the first is a desperate thing for him. Me I was so young when I had my daughter and not with the right person either this time it would be! Both working, drive, house engaged and have so much love for another child. I've come on here for help for some answers maybe I won't get any and this is just to get it off my chest I feel like im hitting a brick wall with no where to turn i don't want to give up on being able to have another baby 😪

I'd love another baby. My 10 year old DD would love a little sibling. Isn't going to happen. DD has had this explained to her and is fine.

Incidentally my Mum had a big sister 10 years older than her and her big sister hated her...so you know these things are never guaranteed.

Surrogacy is something I've changed my mind about from something I kinda supported to now I really don't. It's using the female body as an object.

However expensive it is, it's not enough and does not adequately pay for the woman's labour. Women have died as a result of surrogacy. DIED.

Why is your 10 year old so upset? They don't usually get there on their own about having a sibling. Have you been involving her? Going on and on about another kid while she is within earshot?

You must stop. You need to be very clear with her that you cannot have more children.

As awful as it is, some people cannot have any more children. You want to rent a womb, putting another woman at risk, and you dont even want to pay the "essential expenses" which are legal in this country. Surrogacy is not for you.

You and your family need to find a way to accept the family you have, and you must stop dragging your 19 year old into this.

Sympathy for you OP. Sounds hard wanting a baby but physically you can't.

However, you lost me when you didn't appreciate the huge thing it is to be a surrogate and if posting here you hoped someone would offer I think you are mistaken. You sound very dismissive of the huge sacrifice you're expecting of a complete stranger.

@Newnamefor2021 I was trying to get more out of OP, but she hasn't come back. It doesn't seem like she's thought the process out. It's just a "free baby" she's after, a snuggly newborn. There's no thought of the surrogate, just "oh why is it so expensive". I have looked at the rules surrounding it, because I would 100% be a surrogate for my best friend who is struggling, but I would want the child to be biologically their child, and the only way that would work is via IVF. I would host their baby for 40 weeks, but there undeniable costs associated, extra food, maternity clothes, vitamins, travel to appointments, counseling, childcare for my child while attending the appointments, loss of earnings during/after pregnancy, follow up medical requirements, legal costs, the list goes on. The kindest hearted surrogate in the world couldn't shoulder all of that, unless she was a secret millionaire. I don't think I would be happy to hand a child over to folk that didn't want to put their hand in their pocket for their first 9 months of existence either, assuming they were even ready to pay for the first bit - whatever would be required to get pregnant. I'm tempted to say "get a pet", but I'm afraid that would be as bad an idea as having a baby 😥

[quote TripleSeptic]@Newnamefor2021 I was trying to get more out of OP, but she hasn't come back. It doesn't seem like she's thought the process out. It's just a "free baby" she's after, a snuggly newborn. There's no thought of the surrogate, just "oh why is it so expensive". I have looked at the rules surrounding it, because I would 100% be a surrogate for my best friend who is struggling, but I would want the child to be biologically their child, and the only way that would work is via IVF. I would host their baby for 40 weeks, but there undeniable costs associated, extra food, maternity clothes, vitamins, travel to appointments, counseling, childcare for my child while attending the appointments, loss of earnings during/after pregnancy, follow up medical requirements, legal costs, the list goes on. The kindest hearted surrogate in the world couldn't shoulder all of that, unless she was a secret millionaire. I don't think I would be happy to hand a child over to folk that didn't want to put their hand in their pocket for their first 9 months of existence either, assuming they were even ready to pay for the first bit - whatever would be required to get pregnant. I'm tempted to say "get a pet", but I'm afraid that would be as bad an idea as having a baby 😥[/quote]
I thought about it once too. Years ago, my best friends suffered infertility and I was going to offer, again like you it would need to be IVF for me to be comfortable with it. I know my friends would have been grateful but the OP seems to not understand the huge impact it would have on a surrogate.

No one is entitled to a child. You've got your child way too invested in this. Even if I were willing to risk my life to carry someone else's child, which I'm not because I think no child should be removed from the birth mother like that, the hell I'd do it for someone who's not married for a long time (engaged means nothing), and who has a child already, and who has a 10-year-old over-invested like this.

@Laaaaa

Have you considered adoption?

Children are not consolation prizes for adults who didn't get their first choice .

@DragonPoop

I also know how you feel OP Me and my husband currently rent a flat but we both really want a 6 bedroom house with a big garden and a swimming pool. We both are so so so desperate for it but just can’t afford it.

Exactly! Here's hoping someone makes our dreams come true.

I get that secondary infertility is horrible and upsetting, but agree with others. It’s a lot to ask of someone, and it sounds like you would need ivf anyway, so why not save up and do ivf and put the embryo in your own body, if that’s possible? But i think you need to prioritise the child you already have and look into why she is so distressed.

Also you can still carry a child without having Fallopian tubes. Why would you need a surrogate on top of that?

Are you in the uk? Because I'm pretty sure it's illegal to pay a surrogate in this country.

Hop on over to India op, they'll do it for £10 and a case of irn bru.

That's not true. It's illegal for expats.

You need to stop thinking about another baby and start responsibly parenting the pre-teen you already have. Your entire post is so, so inappropriate - it's 'dragging you all down'? She should not be a part of your adult discussions and if she's crying about this issue, that's a direct failure of your parenting.

Please stop and think. And what the hell does you both being able to drive have to do with it? And all 'engaged' says is that despite all the angst about being a family, you aren't married yet - have you not been with your partner that long?

You could buy a dog rather than a person.

Should be illegal rather than expensive

You cant just buy a cheap kid off someone. How would she get pregnant if both you and your dp are infertile?
Pregnancy and childbirth is one of the most dangerour things a woman can do. Surrogacy is illegal in most of europe for good reason.
Your daughter may love the idea of a sibling, but a 10 year age gap isnt going to make a close sibling relationship anyway.
If you really want another child, id suggest considering adoption or long term fostering, or getting a dog

My DS cries constantly for a new guitar and a drum kit. I just can’t give him one but he so desperately wants them, so maybe someone would like to give them to me so I can make my DS happy?

No?

Ah well....

Seriously though, tbh any ten year old of mine who was crying over a sibling would be given short shrift from me and would be told that it was categorically not going to happen. But I suspect that you have given her the idea that she needs a sibling because you think she’s not good enough, after all you stated that you had a child with the wrong person, what message does that send to her.

I am going to be blunt, I don’t think you’re in the right place to have another baby. Any baby. And I certainly don’t think you should adopt.

As harsh as it sounds, some people can’t have children for good reasons....

A 10 year old being so upset about not having a sibling is not normal. I have a dc9, who is an only child. We couldn't have anymore . Had a convo early on about different size families- some no children, some 1, 4, 10 etc. Some people can have children, some can't, some don't want any. She knows my tummy couldn't have anymore and that were so lucky to have her. She hasn't asked for a sibling since she was 5 and actually likes our unit. We also have a ddog, who she calls her furry brother. We have a fantastic life. I'd focus on giving your dc a lovely life otherwise it's going to pass you all by and you'll miss these fantastic years of her life.

What all the PP’s have said. You could at least put up a pretence of not trying to buy a baby and a cut price one at that.

@Cereals123 just noticed you started a thread asking if surrogacy can be ‘gifted’, and here you say you’ll sell a baby for 5k. How weird.

If you’re a struggling single mum then you’d be doing it for money wouldn’t you? And 5k is enough for you to take time off work for appointments etc and put yourself through the mill mentally and physically to hand over a baby you’ve carried to someone else just like that? As a pp said, surrogacy is illegal in most of period for bloody good reasons.