I'm an Alcoholic and my parent's won't support me.

[PineappleTron]

Hi. I have a really horrible Pickle of a situation. I am a chronic Alcoholic. I am 33 years old, and I live alone. Since the age of 19 my drinking has caused chaos, and my tolerance has gone up and up and up. Nowadays I drink 4 bottles of white Wine on the days I binge. It isn't every day, I am lucky that I don't get dangerous withdrawals, and I can quite easily go without a drink. However when I aim to have one or two, before I know it days have passed and I've been completely hammered. I have had to admit to myself that I can never drink at all, as moderation just isn't possible with me. It's a scary process, but I have been going to AA and met people just like myself, who didn't judge me at all. I went 2 months sober, which was amazing! However, I kind of knew it wouldn't last, because although I live alone I see my parents regularly. They always drink at the weekends when I go round, and simply refuse not to. Slating me for being selfish by asking them to be sober around me. As I just can not bear to be around drunk people and alcohol when I'm sober, it's far too triggering. So I gave up giving up, knowing that I can never cut my parents our of my life, I do love them. So it's just easier to join them and have them in my life and keep drinking. But I know that this isn't how it should be.
I have developed Peripheral Neuropathy from drinking and my mental health is in tatters from waking up hating myself for crazy actions while drunk, then needing to drink again to cope with those memories. We have a Holiday to Greece booked together, and I know it will involve drinking. I'm sick of living this way, and I really don't want to ever drink again. But they are so nasty about it saying "why should we be miserable and bored around you just because you have a drink problem?" Also if I say I'm not going to Greece, they would make me feel bad and cancel the whole thing and not go themselves. Of course, they could just cancel my booking and still go, but they won't, and I'd never hear the end of it. I love that place, and I have been excited to go back all year, but it's just going to mean I can never get sober. I love my parents, and I don't want them out of my life. But they just won't support me in getting healthy. I don't know what to do.

No advice, but for validation purposes, you are right, they are being very unfair. I hope it gets better for you xxxxx

I think you need to completely distance yourself from them until you are in a better place with alcohol and have been sober for a long time. They are just going to set you back each time.

They sounds horrible OP, so unsupportive. This is very serious and they should be doing all they can to help you get sober. Obv they have issues themselves with alcohol if they can't do that. Did you grow up with them drinking loads?

Put them on the back burner. Get sober and then spend time with them. Being around drunk people in early recovery but will probably not be a problem once you’re in ‘active recovery’ ie you have tools and strategies.

I'm really sorry that your parents are not supporting you. I don't think that you can see them at their drinking times, or go on holiday with them.

I think you will have to cut them off until they can agree not to drink around you. Do you have any other support? Any family or friends that can socialise without drinking?

Unfortunately you can only control your own actions, you can't control anyone else's. Your parents won't stop drinking around you. It means you have a choice to make.

When’s the holiday?

You can't control what other people do, you can only control your response to it. You know you need to stop, and they have no desire to stop drinking themselves.

For the time being, stop seeing your parents in the evening. Don't go on holiday with them. See them for coffee and cake in the daytime or a shopping trip, rather than going to their house on a weekend evening.

It won't be forever. When you've got your addiction more managed, you may well be able to be around people who drink, but not at this stage of your recovery.

Oh that's really terrible of them op. I agree with a pp you should distance yourself from them...your health and recovery should be your priority. I also think you should tell your parents...."I love you and

Posted too soon...but basically tell them that you love them and want to see them but you are prioritising your recovery.

Yes. I have tons of memories of them drunk. Every photo they have Pints in their hands at the Pub. I was pretty neglected as a child when they were drinking tbh. I developed BPD which is quite possibly from the neglect.

This is the best advice. You can’t dictate to them so avoid seeing them at times they drink till you are not actively avoiding alcohol but are happily alcohol free

The Holiday is 29th August, so 3 months away. It' been booked since October. Mom is a bit of a narc and went mad at me for losing something in my flat and I asked for my Holiday savings back, now she won't talk to me. They have good qualities as well, but Mom can be vile. She listens but doesn't care. Dad cares, but doesn't listen.

I think this is something you should talk to your AA group about.

I suspect the advice will be that you need to remove yourself from problematic situations until you are ready to handle them. You can’t control the behavior of other people.

you also aren’t responsible for the feelings of other people. You have a responsibility to treat people well, but if you do that and they still react poorly, that is not your fault.

A daughter prioritizing her sobriety and pulling back from problematic activities is not harming her parents. Any negative reaction from them is purely their problem.

Probably worth seeing a therapist about your drinking as well as it sounds like the toxicity coming from your parents might have influenced the alcoholism

It took me quite some time to post and I considered asking if you had a particular type of childhood, but decided not. In the interim, you provided the information.

your parents can’t be your supporters on this journey.

You need therapy. Ongoing and lots of it.

You have a codependent relationship with your parents. They want you to keep drinking so they can keep drinking. You cannot help each other.

You need to cancel the holiday and tell your parents you need a year's break from them to get sober.

Whether you resume the relationship is up to you, but I wouldn't advise it.

I have no idea if this is right or not but I seem to remember there is some medication you can get from your go which can prevent you from drinking, ie it makes you feel sick so you can't consume alcohol?

You need to stop seeing your DPs OP and definitely don't go to Greece, whatever the consequences. You're only 33 and are already experiencing health complications as a result of your drinking. You presumably know this, but I'm going to say it anyway - the amount you're drinking could kill you. If you doubt that, look what happened to Amy Winehouse. She was only 27 - six years younger than you - and she was trying to quit when she died of alcohol poisoning after one bender. So don't doubt for one minute that you couldn't died from your addiction. You could - right now at the tender age of 33.

So if you want to stay alive, you need to take all the necessary steps to doing that, including not seeing your DPs, who are selfish arseholes who clearly don't care about your health. You love them - fine - but if they really loved you they'd give up drinking when you're there. It really isn't a big ask. Most parents would do anything to assist their alcoholic DC in staying on the wagon - anything at all. And they would most definitely not drink around them, if that triggered them to fall off the wagon. Please, put your health first. Your life depends on it.

It's called Antabuse.

The thing is, OP, you're using them as an excuse and there will always be an excuse. "I can't not go to the birthday party, and they will be drinking there", or "It's Christmas coming up", or "It's their wedding anniversary and they'll kick off if I don't attend". There will always be something, if you don't prioritise your sobriety.

It sounds like you need more support to keep away from them.

It seems that your parents have issues with alcohol and I wonder if your addiction is linked to their attitude towards alcohol.

I like a a glass of wine or two and enjoy a cocktail, but if I knew that the only way my child could get sober and still see me was for me to forgoe alcohol while we were together, it would be a no brainer, I wouldn't hesitate to go without. Such a small price to pay to help your child beat the addiction, I just can't understand why your parents won't do this for you unless they themselves have alcohol addiction problems.

@maranella Ah yes, thank you. But agree with others, get support from AA and distance yourself from your parents. Concentrate on getting well and sober. Good luck!

OP, please please please put your recovery first.

I have a very close relative, aged 65. She refuses to quit drinking, despite all the help she is offered. She has many painful, miserable health conditions caused by drink. Her children veer between heartbreak and despising her. She has ruined her mind, her body, her face. She has no friends, and does nothing all day but drink.

Your parents's behaviour is awful. But your future matters more. You're looking at a sober, happy, loving and loved future, if you focus on your recovery. Don't let anyone or anything steal it from you. It's the most important thing in the world.

@PineappleTron you are amazing for taking the first steps to conquering your alcoholism. My late partner was an alcoholic and, whilst I did everything I could to help him he wasn't strong enough to make the steps you have.

Your parents are completely unreasonable and cruel to not support you - your sobriety and health needs to stay top of YOUR priorities. Would it be feasible to go along with their plans for the October holiday then at the last minute have an illness or injury that means you can't travel? A lost passport maybe?

Agree with all of this. They don’t like you holding up a mirror to their own problem behaviour. They are as troubled by alcohol as much as you are. You can’t recover around them until they also want to recover with you. I’m so sorry you are in this situation at 33