I'm an Alcoholic and my parent's won't support me.

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Hi. I have a really horrible Pickle of a situation. I am a chronic Alcoholic. I am 33 years old, and I live alone. Since the age of 19 my drinking has caused chaos, and my tolerance has gone up and up and up. Nowadays I drink 4 bottles of white Wine on the days I binge. It isn't every day, I am lucky that I don't get dangerous withdrawals, and I can quite easily go without a drink. However when I aim to have one or two, before I know it days have passed and I've been completely hammered. I have had to admit to myself that I can never drink at all, as moderation just isn't possible with me. It's a scary process, but I have been going to AA and met people just like myself, who didn't judge me at all. I went 2 months sober, which was amazing! However, I kind of knew it wouldn't last, because although I live alone I see my parents regularly. They always drink at the weekends when I go round, and simply refuse not to. Slating me for being selfish by asking them to be sober around me. As I just can not bear to be around drunk people and alcohol when I'm sober, it's far too triggering. So I gave up giving up, knowing that I can never cut my parents our of my life, I do love them. So it's just easier to join them and have them in my life and keep drinking. But I know that this isn't how it should be.
I have developed Peripheral Neuropathy from drinking and my mental health is in tatters from waking up hating myself for crazy actions while drunk, then needing to drink again to cope with those memories. We have a Holiday to Greece booked together, and I know it will involve drinking. I'm sick of living this way, and I really don't want to ever drink again. But they are so nasty about it saying "why should we be miserable and bored around you just because you have a drink problem?" Also if I say I'm not going to Greece, they would make me feel bad and cancel the whole thing and not go themselves. Of course, they could just cancel my booking and still go, but they won't, and I'd never hear the end of it. I love that place, and I have been excited to go back all year, but it's just going to mean I can never get sober. I love my parents, and I don't want them out of my life. But they just won't support me in getting healthy. I don't know what to do.

Op it sounds like they have their own issues with drinking and may not be able to stop. You mention you see them at the weekend but do they also do they also heavily drink during the week.

I am afraid you need to distance yourself from them in the medium term until you are established in your sobriety. I understand that this will be hard but you it is necessary for your own health.

That's not a bad idea to be honest. Although knowing them they'll say they won't go either and the money is lost. It's all about guilt tripping me every time. Wouldn't want to lie about losing my passport as I've booked a trip to Sweden for my Birthday next year which they know about. They'd work it out. I'm just so sick of this.

I agree that you should distance yourself from your parents. Why should you care about them when it’s so obvious that they don’t care about you? I don’t think that it’s just the fact that they’re drinking that makes you drink - it’s the abuse/neglect that you’re reminded of when you see them. Even if that’s subconscious. It took me ages to realise that every time I saw my exH (even just on the doorstep) I’d be depressed for a few days.

A normal parent would be absolutely terrified in this situation. They’d be phoning you and checking up on you constantly. They’d be going out of their way to support you even if that meant making sacrifices.

To be blunt:

You need to cut contact or this will kill you.

Who/what else do you have in your life?

Work?

Friends?

Hobbies?

Have you sought any professional help? In my job we work with binge drinkers/alcoholics and there are therapies and medications which can help you if you want the help.

I often see people who have parents and family members who have role modeled excessive alcohol consumption, it is very tough to deal with and very often I see that the only way people can really overcome their own alcohol misuse is to step away from others who are drinking regularly until such a time as you have dealt with your own issues and have a plan in place for how you will manage your sober life.

You need to be honest - when you /they are all siting having your ?5 th drink of the evening are you all happy smiley and content??

I can’t believe you are. The issue imv is that first drink. You all feel jolly and cheerful and pour your first drink but surely after that initial cheeriness it’s all downhill - or it was ime. But once you’ve had one you need more.

You need to not be around when they have their first drink. Once they are drunk do you really look at them and think ‘I can’t wait to join in?’
I bet not.

You’re making excuses. Part of recovery is learning to be around alcohol and other’s drinking. You’re making the choice to keep drinking when you don’t have too.

You shouldn’t ask them not to drink. They can. You shouldn’t drink just because they are. That is your choice. If you can’t say no then you need to stay away from them, because all you can control is yourself

You don’t seem to want to stop. Until you actually want to stop, you’ll keep going… or until you kill yourself.

Get more help. Stop using your parents as an excuse.

I completely agree that most parents would be happy to not drink when around their alcoholic daughter is trying to sort her life out. They're not interested in going for lunch or shopping. Dad works 6 days a week, so he can't do anything in midweek anyway. But Mom has no interest in getting a Bus to do anything. It's literally horrible. All that they'll be stressing about is if they need to cancel a Holiday, their priorities are all wrong.

Would you not stop drinking for your child?

These are not colleagues or friends or random strangers in a pub, this is her family.

Would you not stop drinking for your child?

Exactly. I don't drink alcohol often but even if I did I'd happily not drink if I had any friend or relative in recovery.

your parents arent helping you so yu cant see them or see them at home anyway

why do they have to cancel a holday just because youre not going

Your sobriety is more important than a trip to Greece.

You can go there another time, sober, but this trip, with your family the way they are, it's not the right time.

Can you see them in a morning (assuming they are sober then) or other time when you know they will be sober?

The reason they are not supporting you is because you / your sobriety is shining a light on their own drinking problems and unlike you, they are not ready / in a position to deal with sobriety for themselves.

Put yourself first OP, you are doing the work, good work, and you don't need anyone derailing you.

One thing is to find something non alcoholic to drink with them.
A tall glass of tonic with tons of ice and squeeze of lemon juice or non alco beer - some taste fine.

Have you been crystal clear with your parents about how much you drink and how bad it has got?

I can't get my head around why they wouldn't do everything possible to help you, they should be worried sick about losing you, not encouraging you to have a piss up with them 😡

I do have support through AA, and that is held at a local centre for help with all kinds of addicts. I have a key worker there who has been wonderful. I am also in the mental health system through the NHS and have been for many years. My apologies, I am new to this site, so don't quite know how to add comments to another persons. My dad just rang me and he's quite happy to not drink around me. Mom is the stubborn one, who just won't do anything other than what pleases her. I just feel exhausted with all of this.

I say that as someone who drinks too much. I need to cut down, but I'd stop completely if it helped my DDs.

I would never ask them to stop drinking completely. I just don't think it's unfair to request for them to not do it when they are around me. If they want me in their life and love me then I can't get my head around why they won't agree to it. It's fine if they want to drink when it's the two of them. I don't find the comment fair that was said by Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway. It's no different to a harder drug addiction. Would you expect a heroine addict to be OK being around others using heroine and not be tempted to do it themself?

See your Dad alone?

Go for lunch in a cafe that doesn't serve booze. Meet for a coffee

Your mum is not on your side, OP. Either because she chooses not to be (abusive behaviours) or cannot be (alcoholism herself). In any case, purely from what you've written, there seems to be an undertone of coercive co-dependency so not a great holiday companion anyway...and certainly not when you're trying to stay sober. Good luck.

Your parents are being really unhelpful and they sound pretty horrible really. But you are also using their drinking as an excuse to abandon your efforts to get sober. You need to decide what is more important to you - pandering to your parents or getting sober.

Your parents sounds really unpleasant. You should be choosing your health over them. It’s also clear that they are also addicted to alcohol since they are unable to give it up for the sake of your mental and physical health.

If you really need to keep seeing them, then see them midweek when they’re not drinking.

I agree that they should support you but they probably can't because they have their own alcohol dependency issues and are in denial right now.

You don't have to cut them out, but I wouldn't see them for a while if possible. Get sober and stronger and then you might be able to be around them when they're drinking.

But I agree it's crap that they won't stay sober around their own child who needs support xoxox

They want you to keep drinking so they can keep drinking

100% this, it sounds like they have addiction issues of their own and, sadly, that means their primary relationship is with alcohol rather than their loved ones. So they prioritise drinking, even over their daughter's life, and that means you need to detach from them if you want to have a chance at recovery. I wonder if AlAnon (support for the families of alcoholics) might be able to help you understand the dynamic and manage your relationship with them without jeopardising your own recovery?

OP you have to put your sobriety first do you have a sponsor in AA to help you?
Your parents especially your mum are not being supportive at all and from your mum’s reaction I suspect she may have a problem herself.
I have been sober nearly 20 years and have no problem being around other people drinking, as long as they are normal drinkers and I don’t mean how much they drink but the reaction they have to it. Us alcoholics with experience seem to be able to recognise a fellow alcoholic who is still drinking.
There is a bit of a fallacy on these boards that everyone who drinks heavily is an alcoholic this is simply not true.
Stick with AA they are the experts and someone may have an experience similar to yours.