Hate using dreams

[Theodoreb]

I had a dream of using iv amphetamine again with my ex and I was so happy no pain just feeling high and amazing sex i was having such a amazing feeling could literally feel the amphetamine being slowly injected into my blood and the feeling creeping up in my brain as I slowly pushed the plunger.

Woke up feeling in agony had to rush to the toilet was sick and had runny poo but just to get through the next few hours I told myself when my kids have left home. But I want to see my grandchildren and I don't know how I'm
Going to stay clean from such a seductive power without my dc to reMind me everyday why I'm fighting this.

To quote a famous song "how can a light that burns so brightly suddenly grow so dim" I just miss being free

Can you go to a zoom NA meeting?

I've never been to a N/A meeting always dealt alone it's been over 4 years but right now the thought not having to worry about my mental illness (bipolar and schizophrenia) constantly worried I'm going to lose my kids again. That one moment of bliss no pain nothing matters but my next high which as (not big headed but) I'm pretty can easy get money for use is enticing.

I’m sure you would find NA helpful as there will be people there who know exactly what you are going through.

I agree. Sometimes it's good to talk with people who used to be in the same situation.

Just get through today. It's a craving. Maybe make a list of pros and cons. Deep down inside, do you want to use? Will using ruin your life? And let us not forget the comedown! That's enough to make me stay away from speed forever. And it makes you feel sick. Maybe if you can power through today, then your craving will subside tomorrow? Talking helps. And keeping yourself busy.

I no longer feel cravings a friend who used to look after me when I was using cane round in trouble. He was completely out of it and I ended up helping him come down. Seeing state he was in repulsed me not him but knowing I used to look like that. That I used to fall over all the time and sleep in random places. Cry my eyes out not caring who sees.

No way do I want that back.