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Original poster

Relapsing

23 replies

Jezebel2104 · 09/10/2019 22:31

After 12 years off speed, I've been taking coke nearly every week for the last year and I really want to stop.
Ditched my partner, who was also bv my supplier, 12 ago and got back with him 2 years ago. I can't carry on like this

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 09/10/2019 22:35

Have you had some help from drug services? Don't be afraid to reach out.

Original poster
Jezebel2104 · 09/10/2019 22:46

No I haven't, I feel too ashamed

OP posts:
WeAllLearn · 10/10/2019 21:16

Jezebel my friend- You’ve managed to do it once and pretty dam well - 12yrs is a great milestone, you’ve got it in you to do it again, it just very overwhelming. Perhaps try and take a moment and think back to a time in That 12 years when you were making good life decisions, think about how it made you feel. Now work to get back to that as your goal, figure out the steps to get there, hopefully you will see that really there is no need to feel shame. There are great resources you can use out there anonymously - for the time being maybe that would be a good work around to get some support and have a good chat if you aren’t ready to personalise.

Original poster
Jezebel2104 · 10/10/2019 22:02

The way I stopped last time was by finishing the relationship, but he keeps telling me how happy I make him and how much he loves me so I feel guilty about that. ATM I'm pretending I've got the flu aot I've not seen him for a week, and so I haven't had any cocaine for a week and I feel good

OP posts:
Original poster
Jezebel2104 · 10/10/2019 23:16

I guess no one can help

OP posts:
Mapatrol · 12/10/2019 13:16

Hi Jezebel, how are you doing? I am 2yrs into recovery from cocaine addiction. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done. How did you manage 12 yrs? Alone or in a programme?

TamarindCove · 12/10/2019 13:25

You can help. You already know the answer.

You did so well to be clean for 12 years, a relationship that has led you back to using is not a good one.

You obviously don’t feel that you are able to stay clean within the relationship as you would just say no to the coke if that was the case. Your sobriety is worth more than any relationship.

Historydweeb · 12/10/2019 13:32

You know you need to cut him out like a cancerous mole. Be strong and be consistent. 12 years is amazing

Desolate2nite · 13/10/2019 10:01

So I've changed name, contacted Na,told my family and finished with him. Day 2 today and I feel good. I did it alone last time with amazing support from my mum and dad. Sadly lost my dad suddenly nearly 3 years ago and got back with ex not long after (I know, idiotic). The hardest part was telling my mum again, but I had to do it because I promised no more secrets 12 years ago. I've returned his keys and changed my phone number. No going back this time

Mapatrol · 13/10/2019 12:51

Wow! That's impressive work, massive well done, I hope you like NA. Let us know how you get on

Desolate2nite · 13/10/2019 18:20

Mixed emotions now, not about the drugs but him. As always when something ends i am only thinking about the good times. Can't have him without drugs being involved, so it's a no brainer 😔

WeAllLearn · 18/10/2019 10:48

Stay strong, you’ll get through it. I’m so pleased that you’ve got the right support in place with speaking to your mum. The first few weeks will be the hardest but you’ve got this - take each day at a time and be kind to yourself.

Desolate2nite · 18/10/2019 15:15

1 week without him and 2 weeks without drugs. Feeling good

TamarindCove · 19/10/2019 23:11

Well done. Stay strong!

Desolate2nite · 11/02/2020 23:07

Update
Still off the coke and really feeling good. Sometimes feel sad the drugs ruined the relationship twice for us, but have realised that he is the trigger for me, so no going back

hawaiianturtle · 11/02/2020 23:36

Well done! A great achievement. I'm glad you are getting the support you need as it's so hard. Keep it up. Remember one day at a time xx

Desolate2nite · 13/02/2020 21:39

Thank you x

FabbyChix · 18/04/2020 23:48

You can’t be near him. Your co dependant. Coke isn’t addictive the body doesn’t need it. It’s psychological. You have to want to stop and you have to change the way it always happens. Like saying no. It’s only breaking the mental fix it has that it lies tells you you need it. You don’t. Not that I’m qualified I moved my life to stop yet now my sister does it and I’m gutted I gave up my home and life to xome 100 miles and I’m still the same. But I’m going to start from tomorrow and get a thread and post sally

Desolate2nite · 23/04/2020 00:45

Totally true, I can't be near him. I'm still not taking the coke and not seen him. Feeling happy and healthy, even though the country is in lockdown.

Fabbychix how are you doing x

Desolate2nite · 06/04/2021 22:04

So here i am nearly a year since my last post, still clean and happy 😊

Lavendersquare · 07/04/2021 23:14

@Desolate2nite well done you, that's really great news Smile

Starlia · 09/04/2021 08:46

Well done! I might be a stranger but I am so very proud of you.

Desolate2nite · 04/05/2021 23:38

Thank you for the comments xx

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