Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Style and beauty

Looking for style advice? Chat all about it here. For the latest discounts on fashion and beauty, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

Original poster

Please help - in SIL's wedding and I am going to look stupid

65 replies

AnnieBeansMum · 02/05/2010 17:55

Well I stupidly agreed to be in my sister-in-laws wedding and she has bought this bridesmaid dress. Not bad on the model, but considering we are all sized 16-20 - not so good. I have major issues with my back and upper arms (pcos problems) but she didn't seem to care about that (she actually said "well I need to make sure no one outshines me on the day" ). She has now suggested these shoes and I'm desperately trying to find alternatives.

I'm already going to look like a house in the dress and now even my feet will look horrible. Please someone help. It's a June wedding, so I think we need sandals, but surely not these??

I think the age gap is showing - she is 24 as is her other bridesmaid. I'm 32, overweight and am freaking out about what she is going to make me look like.

OP posts:
cloelia · 02/05/2010 18:13

actually I think the shoes are all right, at least they do not have a strap across the ankle. I get your worries about the dress. How many other brides maids are there? Just the one? i should get together in private with the rest and decide to buy some sort of shrug, or gauzey wrap, and just all of you sling it on before you have the photos etc. No need to make a thing about it, just buy something lovely you all like, she will be so busy outshining you all she won't even notice. Then chuck any photos you hate and forget about the whole thing!!

Matsikula · 02/05/2010 18:39

I thought the dress was going to be awful, but it's really not that bad (though I'd prefer the blue) and the shoes are alright, I think. If you get yourself properly fitted for a bustier/basque you'll be amazed at how much better you feel in the dress. You could surprise yourself.

As for your arms, I agree with Cloelia, just get a wrap and put it on if you feel selfconscious, probably she'll never notice.

You could also get some ribbon in a colour to match either the dress, pin a cheapo diamante brooch on it, and make some little belts for you and your fellow bridesmaids, wbich will define your waists nicely.

Check out www.uglydress.com and you'll think you've got off lightly!

emsyj · 02/05/2010 18:44

I think the shoes are quite nice! The key to the dress is making sure it fits properly. If you have it fitted and get proper underwear as Matsikula says, it will be fine. How about getting a spray tan or something to make you feel better about flashing some flesh? Sorry, I am northern so spray tan is a great soothing panacea for all beauty and fashion crises .

By the way, can i point out that the difference between 24 and 32 is NOT VERY MUCH???? You are not OLD ffs!!!!! And certainly not too old for the outfit she has chosen for you.

bellavita · 02/05/2010 19:06

Shoes are nice.

Dress is nice - but like others say, have the correct underwear and you will look fab.

cyteen · 02/05/2010 19:28

Hmm, I think the shoes are hideous personally but agree that you shouldn't be overly scared of the dress - with the right underwear and a good fit you will look great

WhatFreshHellIsThis · 02/05/2010 19:37

I second the underwear thing - I was best woman for my friend when DS1 was six months - went to a proper lingerie shop and got a properly fitted boned basque and it completely vanished my wobbly belly! Size isn't an issue if you're held in nicely all over.

And yes, why not a spray tan? It really evens out skin tone and hides blemishes. Jut make sure you try it out a few weeks before, to make sure you like it and it's the right tone for you!

Also if it's in June, you could do some weights every day until then to add a bit of shape, if you have time? Just two litre water bottles filled with water, do bicep curls up and down, 20 every morning, you'll be amazed at the difference in shape in your upper arms in a few weeks.

ceres · 02/05/2010 20:21

they do a matching bolero - would that be an option do you think?

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 02/05/2010 20:23

I can understand she wants to look better than anyone else on her wedding day but these people who she is dressing to maybe look less than their best are going to be in all the photos which she will have for the rest of her life....

traceybath · 02/05/2010 20:27

Well - yes, that dress is probably not the most flattering and the shoes are grim but you are being a good person .

I was a bridesmaid in a dreadfully unflattering dress many years ago but after a couple of glasses of champagne it didn't really matter.

I'd slap on the fake tan and make sure my hair looked good and then put a brave smile on. And you know - just hope that nothing went wrong with the dress that would mean you'd have to change after the speeches because that would be awful

Bride sounds a nightmare but that seems to be the trend nowadays - well according to mn anyway.

mazzystartled · 02/05/2010 20:28

The dress will be fine, certainly with a lovely wrap in complementary colour, or even the bolero. I think shoes are minging tbh, surely she can't dictate your footwear? I would get something less strappy, more shoe-y to match wrap. Just tell her the shoes don't fit.

Is it usual for brides to choose the bridesmaid dresses....isn't it meant to be a joint decision, especially as tradition dictates that bridesmaids pay for their own outfits?

cornsilk · 02/05/2010 20:33

You'll look fine. You have time to do a bit of work on your arms. Good underwear and a tan will work wonders.

janeite · 02/05/2010 20:35

The shoes are vile. The dress is fine (please, tell me it's blue not pink though) and I think with a gauzey wrap as somebody suggested below it will be okay. Treat yourself to some fab underwear and push for different shoes.

And if she wants you to wear that dress in pink - remember an important even that you've already agreed to on the same day!

cloelia · 02/05/2010 20:37

I like tracey's suggestion of a sad accident to the dress during the evening, and Matsikula's ribbon idea is good; bolero a good option too; or take Matsi's ribbon concept and make some straps? less cutting in feeling/

FakePlasticTrees · 02/05/2010 20:48

Sell the wrap idea to the bride on the lines of "it was so cold that time last year, so I thought we'd pick up wraps to have on the way too and after the ceremony if we get a bit chilly, but of course we'll take them off for the photos and if they are all matching it'll be much more elegant than us slipping on mis-matched coats if the weather's not great!" And don't ask her to pay for said wraps as she won't have budgeted for them. And just don't take them off unless she asks.

CarrieDaBabi · 02/05/2010 21:34

corney, come find me in chat

op, i quite like it, although prefer a longer dress for bridesmaids, is that an option?

jobags · 02/05/2010 22:21

I think the dress and shoes are really pretty. I am sure you will look lovely, with a tan and gauzy wrap. It is just one day, enjoy it, have fun!

Matsikula · 02/05/2010 22:46

Okay, I was trying to be nice about the shoes - I think you could probably do better, but presumably your sister in law chose them because she wants you in matching shoes, and they are cheap.

Have you tried Debut at Debenhams? They're what I had to wear as a bridesmaid. They were fairly inoffensive and cheap enough that you wouldn't feel too bad about dispatching them straight to the charity shop afterwards if you didn't like them enough to ever wear them again. Which is what I did with mine.

Monadami · 02/05/2010 23:15

Wont she allow you to wear a Shrug or other cover up, then you wont feel so self conscious.

Original poster
AnnieBeansMum · 02/05/2010 23:20

Sorry everyone, didn't mean to post and disappear - had to settle to make dinner and then dd wouldn't settle.

I quite like the dress (and yes, it's the blue one) but it is not designed for overweight women. I look square in it and just feel horrible (I usually think I look crap, so this dress isn't helping matters). We didn't get to even see the dresses, she just bought them and then told us we owed her £45.

My main concern at the moment with the shoes is the heel hight. My DD is 2 and she is in the wedding too. I'm not the best in skinny heels at the best of times, but add the weight of carrying my dd and I am bound to fall flat on my face.

We already have a cheap wrap, but she has said she absolutely DOES NOT want it up over our shoulders - just looped through our arms and around our back. I have planned to have a spray tan before the wedding as I am very pale and have quite patchy/blotchy skin anyway. My main concern is my back and upper arms. I have pcos and am quite hairy as a result - no one but my husband has ever seen it and it embarrases me so much. Now it will be fully on display. Surely a spray tan can't hide that?? I've looked into waxing for the day but can't afford it. We are emigrating shortly after the wedding (which is why I feel I have to go through with this) and money is extremely tight. The dress and accessories have come to £85 so far, plus the shoes, spray tan, hair & makeup (she has brought someone in for the day and has told us we all have to pay £50 for the privilege). That alone comes to almost £200. A back and upper arm wax costs around £35 at our local salon. I can't afford the £200 let alone a further £35.

Perhaps she'll decide she doesn't like me between now and then and will kick me out of the wedding??? A girl can hope....

OP posts:
nowherewoman · 02/05/2010 23:29

Did she tell you she'd be charging for the dress before she bought it?

Original poster
AnnieBeansMum · 02/05/2010 23:33

We knew we would be paying for them, but we sort of assumed we would go dress shopping so we knew what we would be buying. We didn't see the dress or even a photo of it before she got them.

OP posts:
nowherewoman · 02/05/2010 23:39

I don't get this paying for your own bridesmaid dress thing anyway, but if you are paying for it, I think you should have some input. Is the hair as bad as you think it is? Sorry if that sounds like a stupid question, but it probably is more noticeable to you than anyone else, or am I talking bollocks?

Original poster
AnnieBeansMum · 02/05/2010 23:42

With the utmost respect nowherewoman, you are talking bollocks! Unfortunately...

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnieBeansMum · 02/05/2010 23:43

and I don't understand paying for our own dresses either. I always thought the bride and groom paid for them??? Hence why they were given licence to choose hideous sacks??

OP posts:
hellymelly · 02/05/2010 23:47

I paid for all my bridesmaids things,why do you have to pay? I understand your worries re the hairy arms ,probably not anywhere near as bad as you think,but if it makes you feel better then could you use a hair removal cream just before?Either that or just keep your wrap ON,she can't drag it off your back on the day.
Or set up a hair removal fund on paypal,I would put in a few quid out of pity not for your arms but for you having such a bullish and thoughtless friend.

Swipe left for the next trending thread