Help! I have completely lost my way....

[Toodoloo]

Mid-fifties, just through menopause, put on 5kg all around my (non existent) waist this year and now am a size 14, hair is rapidly thinning.....just feel completely lost. I usually love autumnal clothes but I have just gone through my wardrobe and once I got rid of everything broken, stained or tight, I seem to be left with nothing that works together. Any suggestions for key items that I could buy (is M & S cashmere any good??) to look a bit more stylish? Other problem is I keep on defaulting to trainers as I have painful feet and walk a lot but it looks scruffy! Any suggestions or ideas of stylists to follow gratefully received!

Following as I'm in a style rut. I look a mess but don't know how to improve myself. I slob around with minimal makeup (mainly to cover up rosacea), wearing baggy comfy clothes.

I sympathise and empathise. I felt so awful I just tried to be invisible, but that was counterproductive and made me feel miserable. Clothes that fit and make you feel better about yourself are a good shout.

Nothing wrong with trainers, just get something that's more a fashion trainer than a sportswear one. M&S do some good ones for reasonable prices. Use a protective spray to help keep them clean and protect them in the rain. Or loafers or flat-ish boots if you find heels uncomfortable.

Look at different types of trousers instead of jeans - e.g. cords, smart trousers don't only have to worn for work, etc. Go and try on different styles, e.g. high rise, wide leg, barrel leg, and sizes to find what looks best and you're more comfortable in. There are lots of casual short jackets around which look good and smarten up casual clothes.

You could try a personal shopper appointment in John Lewis if you're near a branch, but choose the shopper carefully when making the appointment. The one I had was a lot younger than me and just didn't get what I liked, chose things in colours and patterns that did nothing for me and I bought nothing that was suggested. I know sometimes the idea is to get you try things you wouldn't usually, but I was feeling terrible about myself and the choices were not flattering.

Can you put your time and money into your hair first, @Toodoloo? Blood test to ensure you’re not lacking anything. The best hairdresser you can find to style your hair and give advice on any useful products.

I remember feeling, at the end of lockdown, that I couldn’t put a single satisfactory outfit together from my existing clothes. Do you have a coat and boots? Those are what you need most right now - and they cover everything else.

What else do you have that’s wearable?

As a reasonably confident and stylish person who also happens to be mid size or technically ‘overweight’ I’ll share what work for me; in the hope it doesn’t come across as big headed.
What’s your usual style ? Any influencers you like ?
I’m larger than you and I love clothes 🤣 it’s about knowing what suits you, colour and shape wise. Eg I wear a lot of trousers from Uniqlo and tops from Zara. barrel shapes, cropped at the ankle, I like styledbyelf and elliepear on Instagram. Very relaxed casual but put together and smart.
I had my colour analysis done by a local stylist and it’s one of the best investments I’ve ever made.
Hair wise, go and get a good hair cut in a style that you’ll have time to groom/ manage yourself. I went from very long Beyoncé syle hair (it was my best feature) to losing a lot of it during cancer and so I had it cut into a bob whilst it recovered, which I LOVE and will be keeping.
It’s minimal effort I just run straighteners over the top layer to kill the frizz and keep it maintained in a blunt cut. use a box dye at home to cover greys but I would have grey blended highlights if I could afford it !
Exercise is very important. Makes you feel good about your body even if you’re not ‘thin’ and gives you energy. There’s nothing better than feeling strong and flexible. Start small and work your way up, what worked for me was joining and expensive gym and booking into classes.
It also makes me drink more water which helps my skin.

Trainers are great! Slim profiles are in fashion this season so they look smartish anyway.

Uniqlo is also good for easy to wear but more current looks. Barrel leg trousers and some nice jackets. Their merino wool and t-shirts are also good.

Agree with spending money on your hair. Mine went very thin after menopause and eventually I tried minoxidil which is the only thing that has worked. Everything else was a complete waste of money.

Thanks, I've been using minoxodil for the past year without much luck and I don't have any greys yet- they've probably all fallen out! I think I need to learn to accessorise better with what I have too. I have a pair of jeans and a pair of grey woolen trousers that look OK. I'm not really cold enough for a coat yet - I get really hot walking around.

I went out in wide leg jeans, a short sleeved t-shirt and my big coat yesterday. Smart but warm and I could open the coat buttons if I got too hot. Agree with others that a good haircut can make all the difference to how you feel about yourself. You may be able to get some form of extensions to give you more hair volume. A good hairdresser will know what's best for hair loss without damaging your own hair.