Life and style help

[Flamerouge]

Looking for solidarity, really. Does anyone else of a similar age feel like this? Am 52, so perimenopausal. Increasingly feeling so fed up with the whole thing; feel like it is taking all the best bits of my body and mind.

Have been on HRT for about 4 years. Not sure how much good it’s doing; everything is a gradual slide, so perhaps without that things would be 10 X worse. Good points are that I drink plenty of water and exercise regularly (2 high- intensity exercise classes a week; 40-minute dog walk every day).

But, the list of issues I’m now dealing with seems endless. In my mid forties I was SO fit and slim – at that point I was doing 3 X boot camp sessions a week. A house move and Covid made it all much difficult, and I now have a chronic knee issue (cartilage worn away) which means exercise has to be modified round that. Now I am battling:

• Chin hairs sprouting randomly. Have a laser thing which has helped make them finer, but still they come. Some dark, some light. Constant battle.
• Smell. I shower or bath once a day, but feel like I sweat more and the smell is different. Groin constantly feels damp and unpleasant, no matter what I do. Is there some secret deodorant/shower gel I am missing out on?
• Bladder leakage. When I sneeze (often; lots of allergies) I leak. Also bladder urgency, forever being caught short on dog walks and having to do an emergency wee.
• Still having periods, so the worst of all worlds. Would love that to just end.
• Sleep is awful, especially if I have a drink. And yes, the answer is obviously not to have a drink, but really… life is so stressful sometimes and I am very sociable and am out a lot with friends (thank god, I do have good friends).
• Even without drinking I wake up at 3 am and lie awake for hours.
• Diet could be better. Partner has some restrictions which mean we’re limited with fibre. I know I could do better, but I am so tired it’s hard to make good decisions.
• Weight – I’ve gone from a 12 all over to a 14 on the top and a 16 on the bottom. Menopause gut. Nothing seems to shift it. Walk, exercise (increasingly difficult due to knee). I daren’t stop as then it will all just be worse. But it doesn’t seem to help. Keep thinking about WLI but don’t really want to unless essential. Am 5’7” and 12 stone 7.
• Weight gain means I HATE looking at my body and buying clothes now. Nothing fits properly. I have decent muscle tone but the meno belly is so depressing and puts me up a dress size.
• Life – full time job, mostly WFH. Also freelance work and a side job. All in a creative industry, so lucky really. But lack of sleep and general brain fog means I feel like death most of the day. Am making more mistakes and having to drag myself through. Can’t afford to not work or to cut hours.
• Recently diagnosed with high BP. On meds, which I am good at taking. Genetic element as my dad has it. But pretty demoralising given exercise/lifestyle levels.

Overall, I feel like I am surviving, not thriving. I read threads on here about people embracing mid-life and post-menopause, but it seems so far away. And will it ever get any better, or is this it, now? If anyone has any quick wins, solidarity, or advice, I’m all ears.

If you read this far – thank you! And thanks to everyone for this board, which I always enjoy reading. There’s always lots of funny advice. That at least cheers me up!

Hi. I feel the same. I’m 55 and still going through perimenopause, so it’s been a difficult change to understand. I’m trying to stay positive, take things one day at a time, and be kind to myself - and you should do the same. You’re not alone in this.

No one really tells you how fluctuating hormones can affect us. I have dry, itchy skin that comes and goes, as well as intense hot flushes, although they’re milder now. And sleep - I often have disturbed sleep, so I don’t always feel rested. There may be new symptoms along the way, and no one really knows what to expect..

Oh, and I also have arthritis, which is a long-term condition I have to manage.

When was your HRT last reviewed ? I started out in a private prescription that was continued on the NHS and after a year I was referred to a specialist HRT Dr in my area who upped all my doses of everything. I have patches and progesterone and then testosterone. For my UTIs bladder issues I have an e-string device that is inserted vaginally. It’s not perfect but it’s definitely an improvement.

Sleep is still somewhat of a problem but I’m now beyond those 03.00am wake ups. I am on a continuous progesterone and take a magnesium supplement which helps. I need to practice better sleep hygiene which probably means not being on devices late at night ( ie now )

showering you should try bar soap and not shower gel… famously is better for body odours. I went through a phase when I was 48 of suddenly being stinky after never being a sweaty person and it was a shock. It’s eased off now. People recommend Mitchum deodorant but honestly the bar soap solved my issues.

The weights tricky - I used a WLI and lost 4 stone. If you’ve got knee issues I wonder why you’re doing high intensity classes. I think you’d be better with strength training ( although of course weight is related to food more than exercise ). I need to get back to the gym. I currently play tennis a couple of times a week and do yoga a couple of times but I also need to be doing weights.