Life and style help

[Flamerouge]

Looking for solidarity, really. Does anyone else of a similar age feel like this? Am 52, so perimenopausal. Increasingly feeling so fed up with the whole thing; feel like it is taking all the best bits of my body and mind.

Have been on HRT for about 4 years. Not sure how much good it’s doing; everything is a gradual slide, so perhaps without that things would be 10 X worse. Good points are that I drink plenty of water and exercise regularly (2 high- intensity exercise classes a week; 40-minute dog walk every day).

But, the list of issues I’m now dealing with seems endless. In my mid forties I was SO fit and slim – at that point I was doing 3 X boot camp sessions a week. A house move and Covid made it all much difficult, and I now have a chronic knee issue (cartilage worn away) which means exercise has to be modified round that. Now I am battling:

• Chin hairs sprouting randomly. Have a laser thing which has helped make them finer, but still they come. Some dark, some light. Constant battle.
• Smell. I shower or bath once a day, but feel like I sweat more and the smell is different. Groin constantly feels damp and unpleasant, no matter what I do. Is there some secret deodorant/shower gel I am missing out on?
• Bladder leakage. When I sneeze (often; lots of allergies) I leak. Also bladder urgency, forever being caught short on dog walks and having to do an emergency wee.
• Still having periods, so the worst of all worlds. Would love that to just end.
• Sleep is awful, especially if I have a drink. And yes, the answer is obviously not to have a drink, but really… life is so stressful sometimes and I am very sociable and am out a lot with friends (thank god, I do have good friends).
• Even without drinking I wake up at 3 am and lie awake for hours.
• Diet could be better. Partner has some restrictions which mean we’re limited with fibre. I know I could do better, but I am so tired it’s hard to make good decisions.
• Weight – I’ve gone from a 12 all over to a 14 on the top and a 16 on the bottom. Menopause gut. Nothing seems to shift it. Walk, exercise (increasingly difficult due to knee). I daren’t stop as then it will all just be worse. But it doesn’t seem to help. Keep thinking about WLI but don’t really want to unless essential. Am 5’7” and 12 stone 7.
• Weight gain means I HATE looking at my body and buying clothes now. Nothing fits properly. I have decent muscle tone but the meno belly is so depressing and puts me up a dress size.
• Life – full time job, mostly WFH. Also freelance work and a side job. All in a creative industry, so lucky really. But lack of sleep and general brain fog means I feel like death most of the day. Am making more mistakes and having to drag myself through. Can’t afford to not work or to cut hours.
• Recently diagnosed with high BP. On meds, which I am good at taking. Genetic element as my dad has it. But pretty demoralising given exercise/lifestyle levels.

Overall, I feel like I am surviving, not thriving. I read threads on here about people embracing mid-life and post-menopause, but it seems so far away. And will it ever get any better, or is this it, now? If anyone has any quick wins, solidarity, or advice, I’m all ears.

If you read this far – thank you! And thanks to everyone for this board, which I always enjoy reading. There’s always lots of funny advice. That at least cheers me up!

Hi. I feel the same. I’m 55 and still going through perimenopause, so it’s been a difficult change to understand. I’m trying to stay positive, take things one day at a time, and be kind to myself - and you should do the same. You’re not alone in this.

No one really tells you how fluctuating hormones can affect us. I have dry, itchy skin that comes and goes, as well as intense hot flushes, although they’re milder now. And sleep - I often have disturbed sleep, so I don’t always feel rested. There may be new symptoms along the way, and no one really knows what to expect..

Oh, and I also have arthritis, which is a long-term condition I have to manage.

When was your HRT last reviewed ? I started out in a private prescription that was continued on the NHS and after a year I was referred to a specialist HRT Dr in my area who upped all my doses of everything. I have patches and progesterone and then testosterone. For my UTIs bladder issues I have an e-string device that is inserted vaginally. It’s not perfect but it’s definitely an improvement.

Sleep is still somewhat of a problem but I’m now beyond those 03.00am wake ups. I am on a continuous progesterone and take a magnesium supplement which helps. I need to practice better sleep hygiene which probably means not being on devices late at night ( ie now )

showering you should try bar soap and not shower gel… famously is better for body odours. I went through a phase when I was 48 of suddenly being stinky after never being a sweaty person and it was a shock. It’s eased off now. People recommend Mitchum deodorant but honestly the bar soap solved my issues.

The weights tricky - I used a WLI and lost 4 stone. If you’ve got knee issues I wonder why you’re doing high intensity classes. I think you’d be better with strength training ( although of course weight is related to food more than exercise ). I need to get back to the gym. I currently play tennis a couple of times a week and do yoga a couple of times but I also need to be doing weights.

Be kind to yourself. Take small simple steps, don't try to fix everything at once. Sleep will probably be the best thing to focus on - cut out the booze as much as you can, avoid high intensity exercise at night, slow down towards bedtime.

I'm sorry you're suffering all these issues, sounds like you're doing a lot of positive stuff and I get you about the difficulty with healthy diet!
I agree with the PP about focusing on sleep, winding down before bed, maybe a magnesium supplement in the evening.
Perhaps review your HRT - maybe your estrogen could be higher - and try to get on testosterone if you're not already on it. My T level was a tenth of what it should have been before I started it, and I feel more energetic and upbeat now.
Could you take progesterone continuously or get a Mirena coil if you want to stop the periods? One less thing to deal with.
For joints and bone density, women our age are meant to be getting 1,000mg elemental calcium a day, which I definitely wouldn't get in diet alone. I take an algae calcium supplement (with vitamin D to help absorb it) and read that a study found people taking it had less joint pain.
Eta - you might want to check your levels of ferritin, folate, vitamin D, etc, and don't go by what the NHS says are satisfactory levels - check the forums here. I use Monitor my Health for finger prick home blood tests.

Also! Since this is in Style and Beauty and you mentioned your belly (I too have one. Bloat plus fat plus diastasis recti from pregnancy.) Control pants aren't the most comfortable or breathable thing in my experience, but are great on the days I want a bit of extra help. I get mine from Pour Moi.

I can only offer solidarity @Flamerouge as I'm about to turn 52 and feel exactly the same, horribly hormonal (like I have permanent PMT), poor sleep and generally wondering what's happened to my fit 40's!

My lifestyle is similar to yours so I'm not sure what to advise - the exercise does help somewhat and like @Rabbithill, I have a couple of pairs of shapewear (Spanx) for bloat if I'm dressing up.

Same age, height, weight! Total hysterectomy 4 years ago, so complete menopause since. The smell stopped immediately after my op, I could wear polyester all day and not sweat at all. However, Mitchum was best for deodorant when in peri, I like the black one best.
Super low carb, no sugar, v low cal. I've done wli and they were great, but the second I stopped and was trying to maintain on 1200c without them, boom, stone and a half on. Cannot shift it without the aforementioned restrictions. I basically live on 800c/day, anything more, I gain. Exercise is irrelevant though I really must start weight training.

Try and take some of these things off your list of concerns.

The first time you get a chin hair is shocking. But tbh, they are gone in two seconds when you pluck them, so they don't matter at all.

Dietary fibre: try to get it from food you don't share with DH. Start the day with oats and fruit or wholemeal toast and fruit. Make a batch of veg soup to eat at lunch time working from home.

The change in body smell is a bit challenging but easy to put right. Buy persimmon soap and shower gel, which smells very fresh and keeps skin smelling fresh all day long. It is highly recommended for nonenal - a scent that we produce as we get older.

Exercise: do floor exercises. No pressure on knee. Old school core toning sit ups, russian twists, leg raises etc. Just 5 mins every day, increasing to 10 or 7 mins twice a day. The belly will look better.

Clothes: don't put off buying nice clothes because of your body shape. Go for things you love for their colour, texture and personality. I bought a few outsize cashmere jumpers in the sales. Not flattering but not supposed to be. They are big and cosy and get so many compliments, and the colours are great. Buy really gorgeous boots and trainers, nice coats and scarves, long silk blouses - that sort of thing can help you feel like you care about your appearance. Same with good haircut, nails, brows.

I genuinely would prefer to be overweight than live on starvation rations. Obviously I'd rather not be too heavy but if the alternative is eating only 800 cals a day... Life is too short. It's okay to accept an increase in body size, enjoy food and wine, but ensure we are fit with weight training and cardio exercise.

I'm not criticing your choice, @Brendayouknowthatyouremuchtoolazy, I am impressed by your willpower. But it's also okay to have the opposite attitude. And being a little bit heavier as we age (not massively overweight, but top end BMI or a couple of pounds over it) is not necessarily unhealthy. One thing I am unlikely ever to suffer from is osteoporosis, whereas friends who constantly diet are now all being diagnosed with it.

@HorseandHeron Yes, I used to be at the low end of my BMI and now I'm definitely in the middle and a couple of dress sizes bigger. It's OK, it's not the end of the world.