How to hate my arms less?

[DaysofHoney]

How do I get over hating my upper arms so much?

I would love love love to wear strapless dresses, but I am paralysed by crippling self consciousness of them. There’s no two ways about it, they are lumpy, flabby, unusually large for my size, untoned bingo wings.

For years and years I have hidden them away. I love a blouse, a midi dress with a sleeve, even a short dress (the legs are fantastic - it’s so weird)… but I cannot do a sleeveless. Even a cap sleeve is a hard no now.

However, I’m 41 now. I think I care a bit less, but then when I try on a strappy dress I freak out.

Has anyone else been here?

Am I destined for a life of 3/4 length sleeves? Pashminas are a hard no.

Yes I know I could try to tone them up, but even as a size 10 marathon runner they are hideous. I hate weights, and I just don’t find they tone easily at all - I have tried!

Is it a case of just doing it? Freeing them, and the confidence will come? Or is it better to accept how I feel, and find great clothes with sleeves?

TIA

I think the trick is to start wearing strappy things around the house, get used to it a bit, start venturing out to unintimidating places like the supermarket etc, and eventually it'll just be second nature.

Also, in real life, I can hand on heart say that I have never once in my life thought a negative opinion about anyone's arms....they're just arms. I feel for you though. I'm the same about my legs. Realistically I know that they're probably fine, especially as a tall, athletic size twelve, but I just can't ever get them out free of tights. I think I may have a touch of body dysmorphia about them.

I decided many years ago that if someone else's biggest problem was the size of my thighs then good for them. I have other things to worry about.

Free them, you might feel self conscious for a day or two, but once you realise that no-one else pays them any attention it'll go away.

You can get surgery apparently (I wouldn’t, I am bizarrely nervous of my upper arms).

Tbh I think acceptance is the only route, unless you want to spend 2-4 hours a day training? You could do that, it would probably work eventually.

2-4 hours a day??? Is that really what it would actually take? I can’t do that…

Surgery isn’t a wild idea, I mean, I would consider it.

I definitely think that I have body dysmorphia about them - a bit at least. I’m quite fine boned so no one would ever call me big, but upper arms are disproportionately fat. And wobbly/lumpy.

Not to drip feed but husband once made a comment (which he paid for), but it definitely hasn’t helped.

Apparently HIFU (non surgical treatment) can improve arms and make them look more toned. Moisturising also helps.
i hate my upper arms and am considering HIFU - I had it on my face and neck and am pleased with it.

Fake tan always helps.

You wouldn’t need to do hours of weights but if you can be bothered 20 mins with reasonably heavy weights 3 times a week would help somewhat.

I’m finding it harder and harder to keep arms looking decent. I’m 50 now and not that happy with them. I am upping the arm workouts but still not seeing great results. Will keep on with it but it’s disheartening.

Oh I’ve just bought a retinol cream for them too..

I feel your pain. My waist, hips, bum and shoulders are slim, legs less so but toned but my arms are like sides of hams. I exercise and do weights but 🤷‍♀️

Treat them like they're your favourite feature. Lovely, fruity body scrubs, soft oils, scented moisturiser. Think about how you could show them to their advantage. A soft floaty cap sleeve, perhaps some jingly charm bracelet stacks on the lower arm. Make friends with them. Good luck x

A tan! I also hate my arms and this always helps

My inner tops of my arms have turned to crepe paper, it’s really upsetting, I’ve worked out with weights for years and have always had toned arms and shoulders and I still do at 58 but the skin on my arms is acting as a separate entity, I hate it.

Hahah yes, mine too. But wobblier than a ham!

Cap sleeves are unflattering. I've gone sleeveless this year .... if I rotated my arms I'm sure the wings will give lift off. However, I was hot and its liberating. I'm careful in what I choose.

I detested my arms, too.

I have tattoos on both arms now so people tend to notice them rather than the baggy chicken wings.

I second wearing straps things around the house to get used to the feel Of the air being on your arms.

My mum is exactly like this; will not wear anything that shows her upper arms because she is so self-conscious about them. The thing is, they don't even look bad. Maybe that's my opinion but whenever I see anyone with 'bingo wings' it doesn't even register in my brain; they are just arms.

I feel this way about my stomach, though. Bulking in summer and 2 kids deep, loose skin all over and it just looks like crumpled tracing paper. I still wear what I want regardless because no-one has ever come up to me and said "wow, your stomach is fucking disgusting". And if they did, I would give them a polite "fuck off". Wear what you want, fuck everyone else. Get the strappy tops out, wear them around the house, look in the mirror and think "fuck it, I'm sexy". Thats what I do and it works for me.

I think the only way forward is to find some acceptance. Start wearing the things you'd like to wear and don't look at your arms! I am mid 50s, and I was so shocked when I was taking aside/back view of what I was wearing and saw that my arms, when hanging down straight, the skin has started to sag a little over onto my elbow. I have stopped looking. I like sleeveless dresses. And who am I trying to impress with my arms anyway?

I decided life was too short to (in my case) not wear shorts. I'm not going to magically wake up one day went different legs. So I wore the shorts, nobody laughed and nobody died.

I also have disproportionately large arms.

Weight training helps a lot. Especially building up the shoulder muscles - the arms look a lot less huge by comparison if there is a decent size shoulder muscle on top of them. Training the arm muscles (triceps biceps) helps with tone but not size.

Agree tan or fake tan also helps.

Pilates

interesting point - I'm very narrow shouldered. I have that sticky out arm fat that sticks out wider than my shoulders.

I don’t like short sleeves anyway but I know what you mean about the arms. I had red bumpy skin on mine for years but I cut back on dairy and noticed it really cleared up. I also use Naturium glycolic acid exfoliating body wash, I get it in boots it lasts for ages: https://www.boots.com/naturium-the-smoother-glycolic-acid-exfoliating-body-wash-500ml-10352823

Would you be brave enough to post a photo?

Embrace and just wear strappy tops, life’s too short to spend thinking about one body part.

As for the training, there’s no need to lift weights or train 4 hours a day. There are tons of body weight exercises for upper body and especially triceps (that’s the bingo wing part). Once you are comfortable doing 20 triceps push ups with correct form the wings will be long gone.

Remember no one cares

I have always hated my arms. Now I’m 50s, they lack tone and the skin is crepey. But even when I was young I longed for what my DD calls’Posh girl arms.’ I was 8 stone in my teens and 20s but still had upper arms that were chunky. I longed for stick like arms.

by lumpy I meant cellulite-y, I know the bumps you mean though and thankfully don’t have to worry about that on top of my wobbly sausage arms!