How to hate my arms less?

[DaysofHoney]

How do I get over hating my upper arms so much?

I would love love love to wear strapless dresses, but I am paralysed by crippling self consciousness of them. There’s no two ways about it, they are lumpy, flabby, unusually large for my size, untoned bingo wings.

For years and years I have hidden them away. I love a blouse, a midi dress with a sleeve, even a short dress (the legs are fantastic - it’s so weird)… but I cannot do a sleeveless. Even a cap sleeve is a hard no now.

However, I’m 41 now. I think I care a bit less, but then when I try on a strappy dress I freak out.

Has anyone else been here?

Am I destined for a life of 3/4 length sleeves? Pashminas are a hard no.

Yes I know I could try to tone them up, but even as a size 10 marathon runner they are hideous. I hate weights, and I just don’t find they tone easily at all - I have tried!

Is it a case of just doing it? Freeing them, and the confidence will come? Or is it better to accept how I feel, and find great clothes with sleeves?

TIA

DH took this very unflattering picture - I know it’s a bad angle but you see what I mean. You can see my calves and forearms/wrists are small (and calves toned).

No I know, but I care, far too much!

I've got big chunky arms with definite bingo wings below (I'm in my 60s). The arms are more defined than they used to be because I've been using weight machines at the gym for a couple of years, but the bingo wings are still there, and frankly I can't be arsed to do more and different exercises to get rid of them. I've decided that I'm quite happy not wearing strappy tops and it means that I don't have to worry about shaving my armpits. It's an alternative approach...

I’m 71 now, and recent weight loss is showing in my arms and legs, and not in a good way. Not to mention the turkey neck. Bio oil has helped a bit with the crepey skin , but I’m going to try to tone up a bit too, though not overly optimistic given my age. . But I’m jiggered if I’m going to hide away. You don’t like what I look like, then don’t look at me!

Your arms look completely lovely and normal to me. I’m not trying to dismiss your feelings in any way whatsoever but honestly they are fine.

Honestly not just saying this- your arms look absolutely fine.

I agree that your arms are fine, look very normal

They are completely grand!!!

I agree, normal arms.

Nobody’s arms look good in that position, but your arms look perfectly normal!

Edited to say, if they make you that unhappy, try some push-ups each day, and think about maybe getting some weights and doing some YouTube workouts. I know this keep my arms toned.

Honestly I could have written this myself

I’m in the exact same position

You’re only 41! I’m 72 and still have decent arms.

You say you hate weights but you have to be realistic: some form of weight or resistance based training is the only efficient way of toning your arms. Maybe you just haven’t found your ideal programme? I started training with Caroline Girvan 5 or 6 years ago and I found it life changing. Heather Robertson and Growingannanas also have excellent programmes.

Look them up on YouTube and get some 4-5 kg dumbbells. See how you get on.

Walking at a fair pace with a weighted vest (5 kg) is also very effective, especially if you add wrist and ankle weights.

I like your bingo wings from the pic. I think you look perfectly proportioned. What about gym. ?

I started doing reformer Pilates in January, and it’s really made a difference. I have 5Kg dumbbells I use every night and do a 20 minute routine in front of the telly, which has helped too, but it’s reformer that’s the one. I’m not out in spaghetti strap vests or anything, but now do wear vest tops to class which I would never have done three months ago.

I also hate my arms I look at all these facial contouring videos on you tube and want to contour my whole upper body. I’ve been brave this year and started off with sleeves, then capped sleeves then thick vest sleeves. It’s been so liberating to just accept my chunky funnies and wear what the hell I want to. I’m hugely self critical but actually noone else really cares.

Hello. Fellow runner and a similar age.

Weights absolutely do help. With running I find the easiest way to fit them in is 10-15 mins immediately after a run focusing on a different area e.g. upper body/glutes/ legs/core most days. Little and often stops it being boring and means you don't need much down time. The weights need to be heavy enough to feel challenging by the end of each set. YouTube is great for these videos.

I also started swimming once a week - that's also great for arms and general cardiovascular health. It's very complimentary to the high impact of running.

To me, your arms look absolutely fine 🙂, but the above is what I would suggest if you want to work on them. That and fake tan and body lotion containing urea.

Is personally think wear what makes you feel comfortable. I’m sure there is absolutely nothing wrong with your arms and no one would look twice at them, but if you have it in your head that you don’t like them, it will be hard to have a good time in a strapless dress.

Ive always hated my stomach. I got down to a size 6, had a personal trainer and (looking back after two pregnancies) my stomach was flat and perfect. I went on holiday with friends and wore a bikini and felt so on edge all day that a bit of my stomach might make it into a photo. I wore a swimsuit the rest of the week and enjoyed myself soooo much more!

I also hate my arms!! Even when I was a size 8-10 they weren’t really slim. I found what helped me, and I’m surprised no one else has suggested this, is dry body brushing regularly, in an upward motion (google it, you are supposed to brush towards your heart) and also lymphatic drainage massage. Both of these things really helped me with cellulite/bumpiness on my arms and legs. Then I used to finish off with a body oil such as bio oil or something that firms and smoothes. They still weren’t perfect, but I was confident enough to wear sleeveless dresses. Also, as others have said, even though you care, no one else does 😊 you look absolutely fine.

tracey anderson’s 10 mins arms every day,
gradual tan and getting used to having them out.

You look lovely OP! Your arms are perfectly in proportion

I had that, didn't work at all. Moisturiser helps.
OP there are youtube videos on toning arms ( 10 mins a day) and they are helpful, my arms are horrid, I used to weight train and had to stop due to illness so have horrid wrinkly upper arms, I'm trying these videos and they are working ( 3 months in every day).

I’m 58 and lost 6.5 stone over the last 8 years. Despite exercise, my arms are very bingo wingsy and the skin is crepey, as is the skin on my abdomen and thighs. However I do gym classes with the most incredibly fit people in their 60s, 70s and even 80s who also have loose skin or flabby bits or saggy bits and we all wear shorts and gym vests and honestly - if they don’t care neither do I. I spent my teens hiding what I thought were big boobs and bum (they weren’t!) and my 20s, 30s and 40s hiding everything else and I’ve had enough of it!

Let’s just say fuck it and enjoy life!

Well you have 3 choices:
Live with them and let them hang free.
Cover them up.
Do something about it.
I have mounjaro upper arms after losing 6 stone.
They are as shrivelled as prunes. Hideous.
Ive joined a gym to pump iron and if that doesnt work Ill go to my chosen cosmetic surgery clinic in Lithuania and get a brachioplasty.
At the moment Im wearing clothing with 3/4 length or long sleeves so you cant tell. There are plenty of flattering styles out there that are great for summer.
Im pretty sure the gym will be beneficial....no pain no gain.

No it doesn’t take that. I train my arms as part of my upper body days, 2x a week for an hour and that hits all the muscles in my arms, lats, delts, traps etc. You need recovery days for the muscles to grow, no one is training the same muscles 2-4hrs a day and not having any rest days.

Even when I was heavily into weight training my arms were still flabby compared to my lean and toned frame, so maybe for some people it is genetic. My DM certainly had big arms in proportion to her body.

I also have red-turned-silvery stretch marks on my inner upper arms and shoulders, and deep gouged-out ones on the back of my arms where they connect to my torso. I simply can’t wear sleeveless as they look terrible and I’ve only once ever seen someone else with stretch marks in these places.