Another ‘is this too white’ one…!

[Sandysandybeaches]

I’ve got it already - just arrived and fits a treat, I really like it! It’s a very pale blue but in dimmer light looks white, is it too white? I didn’t think so at first but now worrying it’s a bit little girl bridesmaidy. I would probably wear it with a navy jacket or cardigan but if v hot would like to be able to wear it as is. It also comes in navy with white spots which is a bit boring, but maybe more sensible?

Red shoes are fine too. Any bright red, particularly if suede or patent.

Nope. Just a lot of people insistent that the old rule of don't wear white now includes stuff that isn't white or has a pattern and pretend that matters with a bizarre determination to make people feel uncomfortable with very ordinary choices.

And no, I've never worn anything even vaguely pastel or pale or white backgrounded to a wedding myself just because I'm not personally drawn to those colours.

If it 'looks white in some lights", there's your answer.. it's too white.

Red suede shoes would look great imo.

bright (but non neon) pink or fuchsia shoes would be nice as well imo. (But I’ve always liked those shades with blue…)

the right shade of orange or yellow could be lovely as well.

Ah, just checked the username. We meet again.

OP, as you can see, this poster doesn't believe that the rule on white is a real thing, and thinks the likes of you and me and others literally made it up to spoil weddings and are lying about how long ago and how many times we have heard it, seen it used as a plot point in films and TV and so on. (They also accuse everyone else of being too invested in it, which is kind of funny once you're familiar with how long, hard and passionately they'll argue about how terrible it is to suggest you just wear the pink.)

Obviously, we know this isn't true because you've heard it, I've heard it, your daughter heard it, other posters heard it, and we know there is no malevolent conspiracy, just a pretty standard and long running etiquette that exists in other cultures too (Indian wedding guests don't wear red for the same reason and they don't seem to have any trouble with the concept).

You've asked for views. In my view, that dress is too light, too white or close to white, but the pink is lovely, actually prettier. Do with that information what you wish. Tell the wedding etiquette cabal I said hi.

Hi to you too. I also recognised your name. I still think you are talking nonsense about expanding the definition of white to mean "anything that might look white if you squint and are trying to find issues" and that's a very odd thing to try and impose on other people.

And I'll still keep trying to make everyone chill out and stop looking for offence in nice and entirely innocuous dresses.

Everyone needs to find a purpose, I suppose.

<<sweeps evil cape and exits stage left, laughing maniacally>>

😂

It's lovely... you'll look wonderful. Noone will mistake you for the bride unless she's wearing polka dot!

(Indian wedding guests don't wear red for the same reason and they don't seem to have any trouble with the concept).

Well apart from the Indian poster who pointed out the sweeping generalisation of talking about "Indian" and in her experience this wasn't true.

It is pale which I try to avoid. So lovely dress but i would doubt myself and not wear t.

The dots seem to actually be little flowers not dots so I’d try to add floral and dark accessories. Like a darker floral jacket. try some different colours next to it to from your wardrobe to see which makes it appear more blue that’s what I do with some of my clothes.

Nothing to do with narcissistic brides, just common courtesy. How stuck up are you 🤣🤣

It's a lovely dress and perfectly suitable. The rising hysteria on here about people wearing a dress/outfit with even a bit of white on it is getting ridiculous. This obviously is not a 'let's compete with the bride' look!

It has dark dots all over it, so to me, it is fine. Especially with a dark jacket or wrap and shoes. Not bridal at all. The dresses to avoid are ones that look like you might be the bride. This doesn't.

Stuck up? Quite the opposite. I think everyone should relax and stop trying to make other people fit their increasingly broad concept of what constitutes white.

My apologies, yes, I remember her and she said it was for Punjabi weddings, and yes, the Indian weddings I've been to were all Punjabi. The brides told me not to wear red, it didn't occur to me to find this offensive, and nobody at the weddings wore red except them. So change Indian to Punjabi. Point remains: the rule on white isn't a malevolent conspiracy to ruin weddings, and other cultures exist that also have similar rules on what to wear to a wedding, which shouldn't really surprise anyone who wasn't born yesterday and lived under a rock since then.

I agree

Dappled Things is on another couple of threads about weddings and is so far from being stuck up that's laughable. There is a poster on those threads however who is jaw dropping stuck up.

In a culture where all the women are likely to be wearing elaborate sarees it makes sense for the bride to have a colour, although you have been told that this custom relates to a specific cultural tradition. In the UK there isn’t a tradition for only the bride to wear white. The bride is the one in the bridal gown, which doesn’t normally resemble anything which a guest would wear. Not only is the wearing of white a thing that has become massively overinflated in your head, you’ve extended your ‘no white’ rule to include no patterns/florals on a white ground and no pastels. It’s absolutely bonkers. And utter bollocks.

One would think so, but the craziness continues ...

It has now got to the point of ludicrousness where - if I posted a picture of this dress & asked if it was "too white for a wedding" - there would undoubtedly be a few posters saying the dots are too big & pale ...

In the UK there isn’t a tradition for only the bride to wear white.

There really, really is, although obviously brides might choose not to, and might not care if guests do. Some people think if you're in doubt you should check with the bride, but personally I think if she hasn't already made it clear that she doesn't mind, don't risk putting her on the spot; she might well want to be the only one in white but will be scared of being thought a bridezilla, a bitch or generally morally inferior person, as brides are often called on here.

I truly don't understand why people don't just play it safe and wear literally any other colour once they are aware of it.

I am sorry that so many people somehow missed this rule for the first X decades of life (I don't know how but I guess they did), I am sorry that it makes them so offended and angry, I am sorry that wedding etiquette didn't evolve based on the dress they personally like the most in 2026 or whatever, but we all must bear our crosses. Stick to the etiquette and tradition or don't, but it really does exist and we didn't just make it up five minutes ago because we wanted to spoil your fun.

Look at the Phillips wedding gear. Few of them were worried about wearing pale coloured dresses that looked VERY pale to me!

It's fine, the S+B crew can be a bit total about this issue. With navy accessories it will be gorgeous, and get a nice pair of shoes!

I think you should drop the Queen a line. She obviously missed this rule which is completely understandable as a member of the aristocracy in her 70s. Such people are famously unaware of ettiquette and not at all constantly ruled by it so I'm sure she'd appreciate you telling her awful she was in her choice of attire at the weekend.

When you're both the Queen, and a member of the bridal party so outfits are coordinated with the bride's input, you might wear white too. Under normal circumstances, as a peasant who's just a standard guest, you shouldn't.

Oh, and Kate wore yellow to Meghan and Harry's wedding, but yeah, it was pale and did photograph white in some pictures. Probably not the best choice. Even royals make mistakes, who knew.

Anyway, I am really bored now. The facts remain; this is a thing, like it or not. Adhere to it or don't, but it remains a thing, a longstanding thing. Sorry, but it's not my fault.