Another wedding guest one (sorry!)

[BitLippie]

Summer black tie wedding coming up and haven’t a clue what to wear. All the high street-level black tie dresses seem hideously cheap and prom dress looking.

Wedding is at a very high end venue in London.

I’m late 40s, tall, size 12 hourglass, long legs (yay), saggy bust and slight mum tum (boo).

I don’t want to look like mother of the bride OR like an aged Love Island wannabe, which seems to be whats available on the high street.

Where do I look? I could hire instead of buy. Open to either.

Thank you in advance!

What sort of budget? And would you be prepared to hire?

Definitely open to hiring but not sure where to start?

Ideally I don’t want to spend more than a couple of hundred quid if buying as unlikely to get much wear out if it.

John Lewis rental :- johnlewisfashionrental.com/women/dresses

Liberty, or Club L

You need @eleanormc67 if she's around - she'll find you some good options on secondhand sites and new.

So I have a reputation ... 😁!!! How funny!! Well, now I'll have to rise to the challenge ...

Watching! (Mainly to day dream about going to a party.... it's been too long...(

Some in your budget here https://www.wolfandbadger.com/uk/category/women/clothing/dresses/cocktail-dresses/
I love the red platinum one

@EleanorMc67 I did worry you might not have time/inclination, hence the wording, but it seemed like the kind of request that was right up your street...

Thank you, guys! ☺️

Are you the MN Dress Whisperer, then? @EleanorMc67 😆 Excelient!

I think there must be something wrong with me, as I looked at every single dress in my size and available on the date I need on the John Lewis rental site, and there were maybe 3/4 dresses I liked out of hundreds …liked, not loved.

A lot of the Club L ones are strapless or one shoulder. I definitely can’t do strapless. One shoulder maaaayyybe…but I’d prefer straps or a little sleeve.

I’ll have a look at Wolf & Badger now.

@SpringHasSprungTheGrassIsRiz - I haven’t been to a black tie event since I was a 20-something who could look good in a bin bag. It’s blimmin’ daunting!

I am soon to be mother of groom .I ordered 3 off debenhams online clicked to pay in 3 installments- they have loads of different brands on there .Then picked which one suited me best out
of the 3 . Returned the other 2 . Sorted !

I’ve only ordered from wolf and badger once. It was a few years ago. The quality was so poor, it was sub primark materials and finish (but definitely not price!) and because they seem to be some sort of aggregator for other businesses I had to go to 3 different parcel drop off places to return my order (which had come as one). I have obviously not used them a second time

I have no idea if I'm a dress whisperer - but I do love buying secondhand! The hunt is part of the fun ... And I'd much rather spend £50 on a once-worn £300 silk designer dress, than the same on a full-price nylon/polyester horror from a fake drop-shipping online "boutique".

But I realise that you might prefer to buy new or, if eBay etc, somewhere that you can return if it doesn't fit/suit? Is your preference either buying new, or hiring - or are you open to pre-worn?

Other questions:

• How tall is tall?!
• Are you happy to show your arms? Shoulders (do you like/suit halternecks)? Back (in a backless/cutaway dress, but you need a bra)? Cleavage?
• Do you like fitted clothing, or prefer something a bit looser?
• Happy to wear shaping undies? And I'm assuming your saggy bust won't be in a well-fitting hoist-em-up bra? What's your bust size?
• Colouring - hair/eyes/skin-tone? What colours do you suit (in your opinion) & like wearing?
• What's your usual style (eg sporty/boho/minimal) & where do you usually shop?
• Do you have any particular fabric preferences? Natural/breathable/sustainable, or not too fussed?
• Do you want to stick with a classic floor-length dress, or would you consider a jumpsuit/cocktail dress/tux?
• Is the wedding day-into-evening, or an evening wedding (like many black-tie weddings)?
• Accessories - do you have bags/jewellery? Do you prefer heels/flats?

I hate reality TV - but I'm assuming that by "aged Love Island wannabe" you mean that it shouldn't be too tight/short/dayglo-bright/revealing/cheap-looking ...????

If you ARE going to buy rather than rent, £200 is still a bit of a waste of money unless you can either re-wear it or re-sell it? So renting (which I personally wouldn't gravitate towards because I can't imagine wearing something beautiful & having to give it back!!) might actually be the better option for you?

On the other hand, wearing something like a top & skirt/trousers that look like a dress/jumpsuit, or a trouser suit, would allow you to re-wear the items separately afterwards?

Sorry for the loooong list - but I thought it might help YOU to focus on what you want, as well as help me/others to suggest some things that might suit?!!

Thank you for taking the time @EleanorMc67 - I really appreciate it.

I’m up for buying something secondhand for sure - a lot of my ‘normal’ clothes are from Vinted/ebay/secondhand shops.

*I’m really tall - 5’11.
*Dont mind showing arms, although they’re not my best feature. A bit of cleavage is fine, but I’m too busty for a very deep or wide v neck and don’t want to look too ‘sexy’
*Not keen on halter necks or anything backless as I really need a supportive bra - even acstrapless or one strapped bra, but definitely can’t go bra less or use those stick on thingies!
*Floor length preferable but would consider cocktail length if it was dressy/striking enough. Def not a jumpsuit ir trousers as there are so few options in my leg length.
*Wedding starts at 4.30pm and goes on until late, so evening I guess.
*I’ll need to get a bag and shoes too, as am a trainers and rucksack gal usually 😆
*I prefer a low slim heel or kitten heel if going for heels as can’t walk in proper heels. I don’t suit block heels.

Re: Love Island I suppose I mean nothing skin tight (although I like fitted styles), no thin stretchy or shiny material, nothing very revealing or in shocking pink/bright yellow etc. I don’t want to look like I’m wearing BooHoo.com.
But equally, if I don’t wear something that shows my shape (waist especially) I can look matronly because of height and bust.

Phew, that was long …but it has helped me focus! Thank you.

One last thing - I live in black day to day and am naturally drawn to black and dark navy dresses when browsing…but I’d really really like to wear some colour! I suit darker pink toned reds/forest green and jewel colours. I’m Brunette, green eyes, cool toned, can wear gold or silver jewellery equally.

Properly tall then! I'm a bit shorter than you - 5' 9"ish.

Re halternecks/cut away armholes, I asked as some people don't like their shoulders/upper arms. There are quite a lot of them around at the moment - & I think they can make quite a simple dress look more glamorous. You can get supportive bras that sit under halter/cut-away necks - but if you already have a good supportive bra then that's another expense!!

Ditto with one-shouldered - though I am a bit iffy about them. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

Have you ever worn long dresses or trousers by Me + Em? I only have casual dresses from them so don't know myself - but others say they're cut for 5' 10" plus?

What shoe size are you??

I'm a guest at two weddings this summer and I've bought my dresses on Vinted. BNWT.

All the fashions in the shops this year seemed to fall into one of these categories: Frumpy sofa cover, pole dancer, or Princess of Wales wannabee. I literally couldn't find a thing I liked. So I decided to buy from a few seasons ago via Vinted.

I've ended up with two beautiful dresses and have spent a fraction of the price I was prepared to pay. Might be worth a shot for you too?

I’ve got some lovely trousers from Me&Em, and one summer dress bought on Vinted last year that’s quite nice. They’re definitely good for tall women.

I wasn’t wowed by the current occasion dresses on their website, but I’ll have a scout on Vinted for past seasons…good shout! @EleanorMc67

Size 8 feet, so big but not too awkward to find a decent shoe selection.

@GreenSedan - have been having a Vinted browse this evening. I hear you on the current season dress front!!

I'm rather a fan of "frumpy sofa covers" myself - love a retro floral! But florals aren't generally black tie.

I'm not prudish - but I dislike too much flesh on show at weddings, even if it's not a church do. It just seems inappropriate & far too "look at me". Nor am I a fan of dresses that make 30 year olds look decades older!

Selfridges has a rental service now via the Hurr Collective:
https://www.hurrcollective.com/

Older Debenhams/Coast ones are nice-if you're happy with second hand, you could get them online.

I rather like this Me+Em one - especially the colour. Ankle- rather than floor-length - but it's a good-quality heavy satin with lace detailing, so I think that's perfectly fine for black tie. Not in a 12 currently - but with bias cut skirts & dresses I think sizing up can often work better - so worth a try? And easy enough to find a halter bra for it.

https://www.meandem.com/satin-back-crepe-lace-detail-maxi-dress-eden-green

I love vintage Monsoon dresses, often 100% silk https://www.vinted.co.uk/items/9124619541-vintage-monsoon-twilight-100silk-boned-gown-12

Would you consider a true vintage piece, OP? I have a few 1960s formal maxi dresses in silk or brocade, that are quite a simple contemporary cut & look great with modern accessories.

This one, for instance, is a lovely pinkish-red colour. it's a 12 but the bust is 34 (which may not be large enough as I think it's a vintage 12). £25 - so lots left for shoes/bag/jewellery!!

https://ebay.io/m/apM25E

I know Ghost is a bit of a default option - but this allows for a bra, is great in the green or raspberry, & is within budget.

I've been hunting through so many long satin dresses, & so many are really low/cut away at the back - so no bra possible!

https://www.ghost.co.uk/nora-raspberry-tie-shoulder-satin-maxi-dress-d12g006-h23

This Reiss one is in budget, & there would probably be a bra style to fit below without straps showing - plus it's in forest green. Not sure I personally like the back though ...

https://www.next.co.uk/style/su919351/g19755