Nursery Fees Ate My Botox Budget!!

[Kerrik]

Excuse the sensational title! And please don’t come at me because I already know how First World Problems this sounds, but honestly… what am I missing here?

Early 40s. One toddler. London. Two-bed flat. Nursery fees that currently resemble a second mortgage (£1,000 a month). Actual mortgage now £2,500 a month because apparently interest rates hikes decided we’d all had enough joy in life.

I earn £75k a year working for a giant billion dollar tech company, husband earns slightly more, and yet by the end of the month we both seem to just sit there and stare at each other thinking “where did it all go??!!”

We haven’t had a holiday in two years. Saving? Hilarious. Moving to somewhere bigger? Only if we win the Euromillions or discover a wealthy elderly relative we didn’t know about.

But the thing that’s genuinely getting me down is this: I feel like I can no longer afford to maintain myself as a middle-aged woman. Not in a glamorous Real Housewives way… just basic “try not to look like a sack of old s**t” way.

Hair = £200. Botox = apparently now the GDP of a small nation. Nails, beauty treatments, supplements, veneers, replacing make-up / skincare products… all somehow seem impossible now.

Before child + mortgage apocalypse + cost of living crisis, these things were manageable. Now every salon appointment feels like I’m applying for a bank loan.

And yes, I know Botox and balayage are luxuries before anyone tells me people are living off beans. I do know that. But I also work really hard, climbed the career ladder, got the degree, did all the supposedly sensible life things, and I honestly thought by your 40s you’d reached the stage of life where you casually booked a haircut without first checking three banking apps and briefly considering selling your kidney on the black market.

Meanwhile everyone else online appears to have:

• immaculate hair
• matching gym sets
• glowing skin
• extensions
• bi-monthly spa days
• houses with utility rooms
• holidays in Tuscany
• children called Rafferty doing forest school in cashmere

HOW?

Are people secretly in massive debt? Is everyone getting parental help? Are there just far more seriously wealthy people around than I realised? Or am I catastrophically bad with money?

Because right now I genuinely feel like I’ve worked all this time just to become a permanently tired woman in a tiny London flat Googling “how long can Botox realistically last” to ensure I get my moneys worth!

Agree. It's really depressing how many people are wealthy this way, don't even realise it then slag off those who "can't make it work" when they don't have a big wodge of dead family capital behind them.

I don’t know whether it’s the jaunty posting style (which might just be because it’s AI driven) or the fact that £1000k a month for nursery in London seems incredibly low (assuming you work full time) but there’s something not adding up for me.

Can you move to a smaller house? Your mortgage is massive.
Also most people online only post the best bits...

It’s obviously not a option with your jobs, but try moving out of London, guarantee you wouldn’t be paying 2.5K for a flat in the North east

Assuming I've got this right, one wage should cover your mortgage and nursery fees, with some left over. What does the excess and the other income cover? Something doesn't add up here - we've both taken early retirement and our current income of £2,200 covers absolutely everything we need including diy/emergency repairs with a little left over. Admittedly we don't have an extra human mouth to feed, but we do have two cats and they've got £820 in vets fees since December. The only thing is that our priorities are different to yours, I'd rather us have a meal/drink out - and have the breaks we do - this year a weekend log cabin, four day UK break with friends, four day break us by the sea and a European city break or holiday later in the year.

Hmmm, I suppose how much do you like Botox and expensive beauty treatments etc? Do they make you feel happy or satisfied with your life or are they more of a keeping up with the Joneses type of thing? You can choose not to play that game.
I cut my own hair, don't do my nails (!) aside to get the dirt out, use a nivea thick cream on my face overnight if I'm feeling a bit dry and have an spf cream I use in the day (bit more expensive I think it's £8 for a little tube). I'm 48. Do I look like a sack of shit? Honestly I don't care, I've got good mates, nice family.
Your point about wages not rising with col though, I can get on board with - join a union! Vote for your big company to be taxed to subsidize child care!

A bit disappointing how some think getting beauty treatments means you’re trying to keep up with influencers. I’m jealous some of you look presentable without having to spend much on beauty but not everyone has same genetics.

I have androgenic alopecia, and the cost of supplements and prescription medication can get expensive. I then get the awful side effect where minoxidil makes my pre-existing hirsutism far worse. I now grow facial hair all over including up to my under eyes, so currently spend around £200 a month on electrolysis but still hairier than ‘normal’ women who dont have to worry about this. I just want to look normal not like an influencer

I will say I’m suprised even someone on such a high salary can’t afford Botox though. I’m in London but on a much lower salary. My latest cost cutting solution has been to mostly take buses instead of tubes unless going to work or running late. I also try to have at least 2 days a week where I don’t use TfL so £0 on transport. I have saved around £60 a month doing this

I'm early 40s, kids are 18 and 15. We've always been on one income which is a third of your combined income, and we paid our mortgage off (paying on average £1.5k a month) whilst taking the kids around the world.

On over £150k you should be able to service a £2.5k mortgage, £1k nursery fees, bills and still and still have a decent chunk of money left. If you're earning £4.5k a month (according to google) and your husband earns slightly more, then you must be bringing home at least £9k a month.

Where it's going? You need to sit down and figure that one out between the two of you.

Is this a pitch for an episode of Amandaland?

What a totally depressing thread.

A lot of women really haven't left the 1950s have they? A woman's worth is all about what she looks like and how she she grooms herself.

That botox is now seen as an actual NECESSITY would be laughable if it weren't so sad.

Men having the last laugh as per usual.

No, but comparing yourself is futile. Yoyr next door neighbour could be mortgage free if they bought in their early 20s for example and you only 5 years into your mortgage.

Why post a Chatgpt generated post then disappear? What a waste of other people’s time. I don’t understand the motivation for these.

Travel for the botox. Much cheaper outside London!

75k in London is scraping by.

I'm pretty sure there are very many people living in London on lower (MUCH lower) salaries than that who are not scraping by.

The 50k is what’s left over after rent and nursery fees are taken off. Aside from food and essentials, spending 50k without noticing (aka “spunking”) is unusual for most people.

Instagram is a load of twoddle. I'm disappointed that as a grown up you can't see that.

I'm also disappointed that there is yet another person with a household income of over £150,000 moaning they can't afford to live.

You can definitely afford a nice house and lifestyle. Just look outside of London. We moved out when I got pregnant (both earn 6 figures, there is still no way we could afford to raise a family in London if we also want a nice house/garden/school holidays with the kids). Find an area with good state schools.

Kindly – they probably earn more than you.

Your two incomes are particularly high for that mortgage + nursery fees + the extra lifestyle you are aspiring to.

I also would call the beauty maintenance you list as ‘trying not to look like a sack of old shit’. I’d actually call it quite excessive, and would suggest you’ve lost perspective a bit.

Our household income is £193k, with mortgage of £2,900 and childcare of £500, and there’s no way I could afford all that you’re listing.

That's such an expensive list!!!

I think you’ve lost the plot to be frank. We have a higher household income than you but I’ve never had the same expectations re Botox, hair etc. I really do think you’ve gained quite a skewed perception of what is normal.

My big expense is private school. Most of the women I see just look very normal. They’ll be in top percentage of wealth but suspect most aren’t doing what you think is normal. I’m sure some are and some are definitely having very nice holidays but I don’t think Botox and perfection is quite as normalised as you think it is. You’ll also start spending more of your money on your toddler. At the moment, they’re happy with a cardboard box. Soon you’ll be paying out for activities, parties etc.

£1000 a week for nursery for London is much cheaper than people used to be paying with the extra hours. Lots in your situation would have been paying out £1500-2000 per child. You’ll likely be paying a chunk in holiday clubs and wrap around for the primary years for a long time yet.

Veneers! Hardly a bog standard beauty treatment is it.

I cut and colour my own hair as always wear it up so seems pointless to waste the money. I used to love nails but cant have them for my job but would have them done if I could. I use The Ordinary or Boots serums with Nivea moisturisers and get complemented on my skin and looking good for my age. Never had botox or any other tweakments. I am confident in my own skin and definitely don't look like a sack of shit.

I don't think OP will come back (if she was in fact genuine).

Jesus. This is so classic MN it’s cringe. You’re saying, as a family you have around 12 or 13 grand a month, minus 3,500 for mortgage and nursery, leaving around 9k each month and you’re struggling “to maintain yourself”? 🤣🤣 maybe stop getting 200 quid haircuts for a start. I get wanting a high quality haircut. I go to a top salon and splash out on a really good haircut but it’s £75. No haircut is worth 200 quid. Are your nursery fees including the free hours (if your dc is old enough)? But seriously, how can you not live a comfortable life on 12 grand a month?! I just do not understand it. I earn roughly half that and still manage to save, get a massage once a month, afford the full range of Elemis skincare products, do my weekly shop in Waitrose, and go on a big holiday every year. I’m just careful with money. It’s about budgeting, not making silly choices, recognising when something is overpriced, and understanding that most expensive doesn’t always equal best. Also stop comparing yourself to people on SM, everyone knows that’s a highly edited (literally and metaphorically) version of people’s lives that they choose to present to the world.

We don't earn quite as much as you, and our living costs are also significantly lower but I absolutely feel you.
We're slowly renovating a modest 3 bed semi in Manchester.
One kid, nursery 4 X a week.
We each earn 50k
I'm 37 and I still have to think before I say yes to a dinner out with friends and it isn't like we're going anywhere crazy expensive.
I feel really sorry for the people who are early 20s now and just trying to find their feet.
My first flat with my first boyfriend was £325 a month in 2007.
Now similar flats are £800+ and I just don't know how people are making it work.

Yes your mortgage is huge the issue is the area you live in. Yes you could have a bigger home but you would need to leave London. This is probably a case of you can’t have it all. When you have a child you need to cut back not spend as you were before. It’s not just the nursery fee, it’s another person to feed and pay for. I would not spend £200 on my hair. I’ve cut back on nails and social life. You need to look at all your outgoings.

I meant in terms of living costs but yes, that too.