I’m 46 and losing my looks - think sugar, alcohol and stress are to blame

[Joyful26]

I have aged much earlier than I thought I would. I have coasted through up until now still looking attractive I thought.

but this year my looks have completely fallen off a cliff and I look like an old lady.

I did a lot of binge drinking in my teens and twenties- but that was normal then.

and in my 30s I had a really stressful prolonged time with domestic abuse and court cases involving my children. So as stressful as you can get really.

I binge ate loads of sugar in that time and put on loads of weight.

now my stresses are for the most part over. But my skin is saggy and wrinkly and I look really old. So I’m not sure if I can magically bounce back.

I mainly eat healthily now and exercise regularly, although I am a size 14-16 despite my best efforts.

but it’s my face I’m most worried about. I always use a good moisturiser and take good care of my skin.

I guess I’m worried that other factors have ruined it.

Running out of eostrogen seems to do this i was doing ok and now my face has melted and I seem to be wearing my nans neck

OP this sounds like ageing to me. You are 46, it was bound to happen. Here's what you can do:

Gym 5x per week, and make sure you're walking and lifting weights to build muscle
Increase your protein and reduce carbs. This will reduce inflammation, steady your blood sugar levels, and help you build muscle

In terms of wrinkles and your face, you might consider cosmetic work like a mini-facelift but only if you're really unhappy currently. Other options include botox, and I've also heard that microneedling can be effective- but the results only last 6 months or so.

Oh forgot to add. HRT as well.

Honestly I think most women just start looking older in mid 40s. I was never very attractive and was fine with that, but I did always looks 10-12 years younger than I was, as in people would always express surprise at my age when I told them. And that notably stopped happening in my mid 40s. I'm not bothered -looking young was more of an issue than a positive for much of my adult life - but I did notice.

I do find it sad when 20 and 30 something worry about 'looking old' because honestly I think most women these days, unless they have a very hard life, look pretty 'young' until they're at least 40, as no one notices 'fine lines' unless they're staring at your face from a few cm away! But mid 40s I think sagging and deeper lines come in and c'est la vie. I don't see any reason I have to 'look young', but I probably wouldn't say no to having chin lifting surgery as if you saw a head shot of me now you'd assume I was several stone heavier than I am on account of my double chin!

Clean up your diet, focus on protein first and colourful fruit and veg. Drink water like it’s your job and add collagen and fish oils as supplements. Get on HRT if you aren’t already on it. Cut right back on alcohol and UPFs.

Move your body more, get some exercise outside now that it’s spring. Wear sunscreen every day on your face, neck and chest. Get a nice skincare routine that you can stick to. I think retinol is most important and add some tweaks if you can afford it. I do Botox every 6 months and it’s enough to give me a bit of a lift.

Do things that make you feel happy and feel good, it will all show up in how you look.

I'm the same sadly
I recently lost 11 stone and the toll it's taken on my skin is shocking..on my body I don't care I can hide my legs and arms ,but my neck and face now look so much older .
I still have more weight to loose a well
Before I lost weight I looked so young for my age ,had bright hair dyed in funky colours and wore clothes far to young for me ,but I looked ok .
Now I feel old and have no confidence..
I keep moisturising daily ,.
Have you bought some good face creams op ,that could help ..I also use a facial fake tan that really helps and I wear a bright lipstick..could you invest in some new makeup?

I know this is not necessarily helpful, but it helps me.

I’m not as old as you (late 30’s) but I think possibly also because I always used to look young for my age, when I suddenly aged (probably due to the stress of leaving my abusive marriage and divorce/selling the family home) I did not like it one bit!

I did have a touch of Botox, and probably will continue with that (it’s doesn’t last anywhere near as long as I’d like it to) and try and drink more water and remember to use my night cream.

BUT! I’ve really been trying to reframe how I think about it. I think women do get the dodgy end of the deal, and we have this unrealistic expectation put on us, I’m slim (size 8) but I still have cellulite and saggy bits and can feel really bad about my body if I let myself. If you think about how much your body changes with pregnancy and the hormone changes for menopause, our bodies do change so, so dramatically with age.

I was sat in the pub the other day and saw one of those signs that said “if you are lucky enough to look under 25” and it made me think wth?!?? Why, why are we LUCKY if we look younger?

Oooh, this good to know. Do omega 3 capsules have the same effect, does anyone know? x

I’m 42 @Joyful26and feel similar

My skin just looks so dull, I have bags under my eyes which seem to have just appeared, and everything is just looking a bit “crepey”.

I was never a smoker but due to a bad relationship I went through a stage of smoking marijuana (so unfiltered roll ups). I hate thinking about it but I think we split one joint every night, for a period of maybe around 5 years I don’t know if it’s accurate but I’ve heard that one unfiltered marijuana roll up is the equivalent to 5 filter cigarettes? In which case I smoked the equivalent of 5 a day for around 5/6 years.

Sunbathing - I’ve never been a sun worshipper but went through a sunbed phase as a teen. Shockingly, I was only about 15 when I started as I distinctly remember my mum having to take me. Other than that time as a teen I have never really sunbathed….but neither have I really applied SPF. Ashamed to admit I only started wearing daily spf on my face a few months ago. (I have lived in Scotland for the past 25 years, the sun was never on my radar).

Never been a drinker, apart from some ill advised binge drinking as a teen.

So I don’t really know if any of that is to blame, or if it’s just simply aging. Probably a mix of it all.

Diet - reduce refined sugars, trans fats and alcohol. Increase plant diversity (“eat the rainbow”) fermented foods, fibre, protein and healthy fats (avocado, oily fish, nuts and seeds).

Sun damage and smoking are very damaging. Sleep and stress reduction very important.

Exercise, movement, anything that gets the blood flowing and reduces inflammation.

Skincare routine - Red Light Therapy, skin barrier repair first and then add actives. I swear by lymphatic massage and gua sha but out of all my recommendations this is the one lacking in evidence.

HRT.

I think you are right OP about those other factors! My SIL is older than me at 48 but has been tee-total, healthy whole food vegetarian, yoga & meditation practice, never drank alcohol, smoked, sun bathed, used SPF since forever and she looks years if not decades younger than me.

Sickening really! Her own younger sister also looks older and like me loves a glass of wine and a bag of fizzy jelly sweets.

I think you can start from where you are and slow down the damage a bit with skincare, diet and good habits but to really reverse the damage you probably need thinks like laser and surgery. I know lots of people swear by collagen powder but I've tried it a few times for several months at a time its never done anything for my skin. I read some study recently not one done by the companies that flog the stuff but it said that it might help with hydration and a bit of elasticity at best but doesn't prevent or reverse wrinkles and facial ageing and the best benefits seem to be in elderly people who no longer process protein from their diet as well. Personally I think think the money is better spent on good quality food and maybe an effective retinol serum like the Medik8 one.

I did say to a facialist I went to last year when I first bought the crystal retinol that I was "getting an early start" on my antiaging and she politely informed me that an early start would have been 25 😧That was me told!

I'm 62 and for over a year now on a daily basis, I've drank a glass of smoothie or cold pressed fruit juice and taken an Omega 3 capsule. I also eat oily fish twice a week and use Extra Virgin Olive Oil liberally as a salad dressing. I haven't had an alcoholic drink for many months as even a small amount leaves me feeling and looking tired the next day. My intention was to increase my vitamin intake but a surprise outcome has been my facial skin is plumper, making my wrinkles less pronounced. I suspect the Omega 3/oily fish/ EVOO are the reason for the skin improvement but I'm just going to carry one with my new routine. I also try to prioritise exercise and a good nights sleep as I always look better the next day.

I have aged so much in last couple of years, and I'm nearly a decade younger than you! No binge drinking, no smoking, limited sun bathing... but plenty of stress 😩

This is an excellent response!

I'm 64 and gave up sugar and alcohol and took up meditation over 10 years ago. Im now a size 10 and look pretty good for my age. There will always be signs of ageing depending on your genetics but you can get great skin, shiny hair and a good figure at any age.
Alcohol is terribly ageing. The change was almost instant when I gave it up.
Its pointless using good skin care products if you arent changing from within and also drinking lots of water.

I think give yourself more time, it took about a year before I. started to get over a really traumatic couple of years. Be kind to yourself. If you can ge5 some daylight and fresh air that helps, you need to relax.

I’ve been taking collagen from nutrition geeks. Originally for my cellulite on my thighs which seems to be pretty bad. Along with some oil it seems to look better but I’ve also noticed it’s helped my face, which wasn’t bad but I have noticed some lines are less visible. I’m quite self conscious of my neck if anyone can recommend a good neck cream!

I think the gym helps you to look younger and also I’m just trying collagen powder in my morning coffee , I’m on week two and my skin has a very nice glow that I didn’t have before, I started it with no expectations but I’m pleased, also I’m drinking more water everyday and trying to get 7 hours sleep a night , don’t think any creams etc help I’m not a fan of Botox but I do like hifu & micro needling , both are quick fixes but with time the results are very good.

Try a session of hifu on your neck it’s amazing.

@teaandtoastwithmarmite same take this it’s excellent. My skin is really good and hair. I also take it for my cellulite a skin therapist recommended dry brushing legs as well research that I’ve just ordered the brush !

@Allisnotlost1 agree! And I had to get my eye brows microbladed they were non existent !

Do you have anything specific in mind and are you open to aesthetics?

As others have said the biggest risk to skin is damage from the sun. Factor 50 religiously- every day no matter the weather will help with premature aging. It wont get rid of the damage done but it’s a non-negotiable if you want to prevent further damage. This is an easy win.

You don’t don’t need to overload with products. A lot depends on your skin type and what your skin can tolerate. I have very sensitive skin and find the best products are simple, gentle products every day (I use la Roche posay- cleanser, serum and heavy moisturiser). Alongside I add habo labo hydrating toner every day, medik8 crystal retinal twice a week (quicker absorbed than retinol), inkey list PHA toner once a week and rhode peptide glazing fluid a few times a week. I find adding a retinal and peptides really helps. I don’t overload. There are so many products out there so you need to find what works with your skin type. Some people swear by vitC- I can’t tolerate it.

I add treatments to do the heavy lifting- Botox, filler where needed (very discreet- not noticeable at all), the odd skin booster like profhilo, regular microneedling all over my face and neck and polynucleotides under my eyes. These things have helped me a lot and reversed a lot of my aging. I’m not suggesting you do these. Just giving you my personal experience. I’m 44 and have invested heavily in my skin. If you were open to trying one, I’d recommend microneedling over anything else.

Alongside, I weight train, don’t eat ultra processed food, limit alcohol and drink lots of water- no idea if these help my skin but they make me feel better.

There’s no doubt that poor sleep and stress impact my skin. I look like shit when I’m stressed and don’t get enough sleep.

The one big thing you can do is to stop expecting yourself to be able to magically bounce back.

We aren't going back. The expectation with women getting their body back after birth, and never looking a day over 35 is a trap, don't do it to yourself.

If I was you I would stay off booze, fags and sugar, and take any budget you've got for potions and spend it on a good haircut, and a good PT to learn how to lift weights properly, and get yourself in to a habit of doing that. You will feel so amazed at what you're middle aged body can do and how strong you actually are, you will give significantly less fucks about looking younger than you are. You'll be proud of being the age you are, and being strong and capable. It will do wonders for your self esteem, especially if you've been through a challenging divorce. Live a life from now on that is as rewarding as possible and head towards joy at every opportunity. That will show.

I've been away for a funeral this weekend and met loads of people that I'd never met before. None of them will be talking or thinking about how much younger than my age I looked. Most of them have been in touch to say how much of a pleasure it was to finally meet me and how they loved spending time with me and look forward to doing it again. That doesn't come from something you can rub on your face.

I remember an older friend telling late 30s me, "something happens around 45". With me it was 48. Overnight I ballooned, my hair turned in to a frizz bomb and my looks packed up and marched off.
It's perimenopause and it's the natural aging process. Now I'm in my mid 50s, I've been on HRT for a few years and I look younger than I did at age 49/50.

If you want to reverse it then, honestly, skin boosters, polenucleotides, Botox and if you’re really worried, filler. It will be transformative BUT, we all age and it’s far better to embrace it (easier said than done.)

Really good filler is largely invisible but you’ll always find people who over do it. Ultimately though, skin is designed to lose elasticity and collagen - there’s only so much we can do x