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I’m 46 and losing my looks - think sugar, alcohol and stress are to blame

103 replies

Joyful26 · 17/04/2026 13:37

I have aged much earlier than I thought I would. I have coasted through up until now still looking attractive I thought.

but this year my looks have completely fallen off a cliff and I look like an old lady.

I did a lot of binge drinking in my teens and twenties- but that was normal then.

and in my 30s I had a really stressful prolonged time with domestic abuse and court cases involving my children. So as stressful as you can get really.

I binge ate loads of sugar in that time and put on loads of weight.

now my stresses are for the most part over. But my skin is saggy and wrinkly and I look really old. So I’m not sure if I can magically bounce back.

I mainly eat healthily now and exercise regularly, although I am a size 14-16 despite my best efforts.

but it’s my face I’m most worried about. I always use a good moisturiser and take good care of my skin.

I guess I’m worried that other factors have ruined it.

OP posts:
canuckup · 17/04/2026 17:07

I agree that genetics are huge

BUT

Diet is massively important. So much so than when you're 20. You need the veg, you need the protein, you need the low upf foods. Lots of water, sleep, no alcohol, no sugar.

Simple innit 🙂🫪

Lovemycat2023 · 17/04/2026 17:11

I’m with you on this OP. The only hope I can suggest is going to see a dermatologist or advisor to get a good skincare routine (I did this a few years ago and it’s helping with texture and sun damage. Not so much with wrinkles). Also I do think that faces bounce back after some time of less stress - definitely prioritise sleep and water. Good luck.

PILEALLTHEPILLSONTHEFLOOR · 17/04/2026 17:38

have you worn suncream every day? if not, not too late to start.

Screamingabdabz · 17/04/2026 17:45

SteveTheHair · 17/04/2026 13:49

Salmon. I genuinely notice a difference eating salmon 3x a week! My facial skin is plumper and smoother

Eating too much salmon can lead to excessive mercury consumption, potentially causing neurological issues, as well as accumulation of pollutants like PCBs, especially in farmed fish.

Hopefulsalmon · 17/04/2026 17:48

I love that this thread has focused on acceptance and realistic advice. Really refreshing.

Waitingforthesunnydays · 17/04/2026 17:55

I’m in a similar position OP, I feel your pain. I’m following for any advice too, I’m not sure I have any to give you apart from reassure you that as far as I know past stress and binge drinking is unlikely to have played a part in how you look now. As far as cosmetic treatments go, is there really anything that genuinely makes you look significantly younger and doesn’t give you that frozen too much Botox look?? I don’t think there is, otherwise we’d see celebrities with billions available to spend on these treatments looking 30 when they’re 45. I’ve never seen an older celebrity that looks naturally younger. Plenty that look like they’ve had surgery but I don’t think that makes them look younger

ForCosyLion · 17/04/2026 17:56

Big hugs to you, OP xxx 💐

I have a lot of experience with good skincare, because I've been interested in it all my adult life. If you get some good stuff and use it consistently, you will see a difference.

There are many great brands out there, but one which I think really works and has never let me down is Estee Lauder. Also Lancome.

It's not cheap, but in my experience it's really worth it. No, they can't fix major wrinkles and do what surgery does, but they have the power to even out your complexion, soften wrinkles, and create a much more reflective, glowy, surface, and all these things make you look younger.

You'll need to commit to it, though. Do it night and day for three months. You'll need a cleanser, toner, AHA serum, anti-ageing serum, moisturiser, and eye cream, not to mention a good facial scrub and masks for brightening and clarifying/anti-ageing, depending on your skin's needs. Don't skimp - for example, a good cleanser is much better than cheap ones at cleansing deep down.

The two serums is an excellent trick. In the Lauder range, you would use the Perfectionist Brightening serum and then the Advanced Night Repair serum (including in the day) followed by your moisturiser. It sounds like a lot, but the products are meant to be layered and they each do a different thing.

You don't have to use everything from one line. I think the Lancome Genefique serum is incredible. You could use that instead of the Lauder Advanced Night Repair.

If you do use a brightening serum and an anti-ageing serum, which I highly recommend, and you get things from different lines, that's fine but make sure you use the brightening serum before the anti-ageing serum.

If you want to commit to your skin, I would highly recommend Caroline Hiron's book Skincare: The New Edit. She's a skincare expert and her book has won all sorts of awards. Maybe read that before you buy anything.

Investing in a good skincare regime won't be cheap, but it will be cheaper than surgery, and less painful!

I find doing a skincare regime to be very soothing and enjoyable, a calming ritual and a great method of self-care. But you must be consistent to see results!

P.S. the authors of another great skincare book, The Beauty Bible, make the point that skincare companies don't want to make scientific claims because then their products would be treated as drugs instead of just skincare, and would have to then go through the FDA (in the case of Lauder, which is American) and that takes years. The FDA stands for the Food and Drug Administration. So instead of saying "This product increases cell turnover via these chemicals, which makes your skin look younger and brighter" they say something like "This product gives you a healthy glow." As a result, there are a lot of good skincare products that do more than they say they do.

Tashface · 17/04/2026 17:58

Hopefulsalmon · 17/04/2026 17:48

I love that this thread has focused on acceptance and realistic advice. Really refreshing.

Your username could have written the post directly above yours 😁

ForCosyLion · 17/04/2026 18:06

It's a myth that drinking lots of water hydrates your skin, unless you're very seriously dehydrated to begin with. You should drink water, yes, but it makes no difference to most people's skin.

www.webmd.com/beauty/features/drink-water-skin

ForCosyLion · 17/04/2026 18:08

PILEALLTHEPILLSONTHEFLOOR · 17/04/2026 17:38

have you worn suncream every day? if not, not too late to start.

One hundred percent this. A huge slice of the skin-ageing pie is exposure to sun, including on cloudy days. Think how un-aged your bum skin is. You should wear a moisturiser with SPF 15 everyday, and a separate SPF cream with a higher SPF in the height of summer or on holiday.

ForCosyLion · 17/04/2026 18:12

SatsumaDog · 17/04/2026 13:52

Getting older sucks op. Women especially seem to age quickly once they hit their late 40’s/50’s. I’m guessing it’s hormonal in nature.

One thing I’ve found useful is to shift my focus from what I look like to what I can do. I have found challenging myself exercise wise has been helpful for my self esteem and sets me up to start my day with confidence. I know it sounds daft, but it works for me. Trying things I never contemplated before, even if I’m a bit crap at them at first. It’s fun to try new things. I’ve been very surprised what I’m capable of doing and the way my body responds, even in my 50’s.

This is really inspiring. After divorce, bereavement, and WFH since Covid (company got rid of our office), I'm less fit than I've ever been in my life, and am also now post-menopausal.

PILEALLTHEPILLSONTHEFLOOR · 17/04/2026 18:12

Try retinol as well. I am attaching my favourite products and routine, hope they help you. I'm nearly 30 but get ID'd all the time: xxx

retinol the ordinary 2%
ultra sun 50+
diprobase
simple cleansing oil

no smoking
no drinking
organic fresh lettuce and rocket salad and apples every day
organic chicken broth

hope this helps <3

Avslighthead · 17/04/2026 18:13

Take us through a normal daily diet (be honest!)

and what is your version of “regular exercise”?

ForCosyLion · 17/04/2026 18:17

PILEALLTHEPILLSONTHEFLOOR · 17/04/2026 18:12

Try retinol as well. I am attaching my favourite products and routine, hope they help you. I'm nearly 30 but get ID'd all the time: xxx

retinol the ordinary 2%
ultra sun 50+
diprobase
simple cleansing oil

no smoking
no drinking
organic fresh lettuce and rocket salad and apples every day
organic chicken broth

hope this helps <3

Edited

Oooh yes, I've heard retinol is excellent. I think you need a dermatologist for a strong one.

OP, don't use a brightening serum (usually has AHAs) AND a retinol! It's one or the other. And when using either of these products, you need to use sunscreen, as they both take off the top layer of skin. And remember that neither of these products moisturises. You need a moisturiser with SPF on top.

So you would use products in this order:
Cleanser
Toner
Brightening serum (AHA equivalent; I think AHAs are out of date now) OR retinol serum
Anti-ageing serum
Moisturiser with SPF

ForCosyLion · 17/04/2026 18:30

Just looked at the Lancome website and they have a wowza selection of serums, including a retinol one. They are a high-quality brand that really works, imo. But I would go to the counter, because some of the products are not meant to be used together.

A word about Clarins: I love that brand for its beautiful textures and scents. I would use their cleansers all day long. But I don't think its serums and moisturisers do enough heavy lifting. However, I strongly recommend these two cleansers.

https://www.clarins.co.uk/velvet-cleansing-milk/80097217.html
https://www.clarins.co.uk/one-step-gentle-exfoliating-cleanser/80104509.html

I have both and use each according to whether I want a luxurious cleanser (so I use the cream) or a good scrub (so I use the orange one).

About eyes, I use an eye serum followed by an eye cream.

Remember when I said you have to be committed???

ForCosyLion · 17/04/2026 18:35

Many years ago, Estee Lauder's Fruition Extra turned me on to AHA brightening serums. This one made such a difference. (I think it was too harsh for some people, so alternatives were developed. AHAs are derived from fruit acids, hence the name Fruition Extra.)

R.I.P., dearest Fruition Extra:

I’m 46 and losing my looks - think sugar, alcohol and stress are to blame
ForCosyLion · 17/04/2026 18:40

And Fruition Extra had a molecule that made sure the formula only targeted damaged parts of skin. Darling product, I miss you....😭🤣

mrsannefourmile · 17/04/2026 18:42

I'm still young but i have a young child who has never slept and wakes multiple times throughout the night. I look much older than i am. When im 46 i will probably look 66. My face has dropped.

waitingquietly · 17/04/2026 18:45

It’s part of life OP , you really are not on your own .

SPF , good sleep , plenty of water to drink , little to no alcohol or sugar . A decent diet and regular exercise . We all age though so don’t let trying to halt it take over the actual task of living well and being happy .

You also do not need half the products that are being sold

There is a book called Skintelligent which is worth a read - I borrowed it from the library

ForCosyLion · 17/04/2026 18:58

waitingquietly · 17/04/2026 18:45

It’s part of life OP , you really are not on your own .

SPF , good sleep , plenty of water to drink , little to no alcohol or sugar . A decent diet and regular exercise . We all age though so don’t let trying to halt it take over the actual task of living well and being happy .

You also do not need half the products that are being sold

There is a book called Skintelligent which is worth a read - I borrowed it from the library

I have to disagree with you about not needing half the products that are being sold. No, you don't "need" them in the absolute sense, but I have been using all the product types listed for 25 years, off and on, and I see a massive difference in my skin when I use them and when I don't. In my experience, the good ones really, really work. Unless you've tried a coherent skin regime with those types of products and given them a fair shot, you wouldn't really know what you need and what you don't. You'd be amazed at the difference.

Water does not hydrate your skin. It's a myth, unless you're dangerously dehydrated in the first place. Your body uses water to keep your body working well via channelling it to your vital organs. It doesn't magically rise to your skin like water rising up through soil.

https://www.webmd.com/beauty/features/drink-water-skin

https://www.stratiaskin.com/blogs/skin-science/the-science-of-skin-hydration-is-drinking-more-water-the-key?srsltid=AfmBOoqHcrJCrE6c53l89NRnKof6jrPKTMShPzmfV6IHEQ7jbVDXBMzu

mindutopia · 17/04/2026 19:01

It will absolutely be alcohol and stress….and the sun if you’re someone who sunbathes or just doesn’t wear appropriate SPF out and about. The difference when I stopped drinking and cut out the toxic shit that was losing me sleep was amazing. You absolutely do not need 700 products and supplements. You need a good lifestyle lived over months and years to recover.

ForCosyLion · 17/04/2026 19:04

The two biggest skin agers out of everything are smoking and sun damage. And that includes on cloudy days, since UVA is responsible for skin ageing and gets through clouds. Not such a concern in winter, though, since the UVA and UVB is weak.

Not smoking and protecting your skin from the sun are the two biggest things you can do for your skin and are, together, responsible for the vast majority of skin ageing.

ForCosyLion · 17/04/2026 19:06

mindutopia · 17/04/2026 19:01

It will absolutely be alcohol and stress….and the sun if you’re someone who sunbathes or just doesn’t wear appropriate SPF out and about. The difference when I stopped drinking and cut out the toxic shit that was losing me sleep was amazing. You absolutely do not need 700 products and supplements. You need a good lifestyle lived over months and years to recover.

Edited

Absolutely? Unless you've tried a regime with 700 products, how would you know?

OK, not 700. But the ones I listed. I know it looks like a lot, but it WORKS. If you haven't followed such a regime, you have no basis to say that you "absolutely don't need all those products."

Like anything, the results you get determine the effort you put in. I have been truly amazed at the difference some of the Estee Lauder and Lancome products have made to my skin.

P.S. I always find that people who say "Oh, you don't need all those products" are not people who have tried a thorough regime consistently for three months with high-quality products. You should, if money allows. You might be very pleasantly surprised at the results!

SatsumaDog · 17/04/2026 19:14

ForCosyLion · 17/04/2026 18:12

This is really inspiring. After divorce, bereavement, and WFH since Covid (company got rid of our office), I'm less fit than I've ever been in my life, and am also now post-menopausal.

I had got into a mindset that because I didn’t look young anymore, I was incapable of challenging myself and trying new things. What has surprised me is that my body is extremely resilient and does respond to physical challenges. I have become stronger and can do things I couldn’t have done when I was younger.

I’m quite sure with consistent effort you would be very surprised at what you can do. Your self confidence will also improve, which will carry over into all aspects of your life.

ForCosyLion · 17/04/2026 19:16

To buy a whole regime is a lot of money. If people don't want to spend so much upfront, I would recommend getting a good serum and a good moisturiser. Whether you get a brightening serum or an anti-ageing serum would depend on your skin, and I would definitely ask for advice at the counter.

If I was only going to get one thing, though, I would get Lancome's Genefique serum. I saw an improvement the next morning. Obviously you have to keep using it and you get proper benefits with regular use over a few months, but my skin looked more radiant after one use. If you use an inexpensive cleanser, scrub, and basic moisturiser but use Genefique, I think you will see a visible difference.

Maybe the counter would give a sample.