What to wear - need fashion advice!! No idea. 47 and fed up!

[Rainagainandagain]

I am 47yrs old. 5ft 4in and weigh around the 8st 8lb mark.
I work in an office with mostly men I usually wear knee length dresses with black opaque tights or skirt and tights with jumper blouse for work. With boots in winter and shoes autumn / spring. Long dresses in summer with sandals. Am fed up of wearing the same style stuff but don't know what to wear?
Am I old fashioned??
No DD to ask / no niece / no one to ask for fashion advice. Friends just say dress for you! Trousers are hard to find as they are often too long.
Casual for shopping at Tesco etc? I don't know what to wear? Saw a lass my age the other day in grey NB trainer with black joggers and a long black coat but not sure what coat it was black with with white writing on the left hand sleeve.
I used to like skinny jeans but these might be old fashioned now and bootlegs look too long. I don't like showing off my legs so cropeed pants and shorts and bare legs are a nono. Not keen on bare arms. I am pale skinned, I get called short at work as I'm the smallest in height but jokingly, so feel a bit self concious wearing flats.
Feel very lost in what to wear think I've lost self confidence and feel too old for some stores but theres no stores for trying things on anymore? I can't wear some styles like barrel leg as i look swamped and baggy jumpers etc make me look flat chested as am only a 32B/C. Am totally fed with no clue to what to wear. Nothing tight on the tummy area - dresses and tights are so nice and strechy!
Any kind advice as feel very awkward

Do you use Instagram? If so, follow fashion creators who are similar size, shape, age to you. Find people whose style you admire, then get some ideas from them. Or, if you’re near a John Lewis, they offer personal styling appointments.

Go and try on some jeans and trousers in Marks, I love their shorter leg lengths. As a 5ft 1 short arse, I actually love their wide leg trousers, as long as they are petite leg! I’m 40 but I find the Marks stuff pretty current, the head of their womenswear, Maddy Evans studied at one of the top fashion schools CSM - and they just poached someone from Cos too.

What on earth is making you feel so bad about yourself?

Don’t like your legs?

Don’t like your arms?

Pale?

Short?

Too old?

Feel swamped in normal fashionable clothes?

Flat chested?

Generally feel awkward?

Seriously, this litany of perceived barriers to even functional stylishness cannot all be down to being 47, surely? You sound awfully stuck in a rut and somehow ground down by your environment.

And it’s hard to make suggestions knowing you’ll bat everything away because of one or more of these imagined faults in your own being …

And this is very true!!! Maybe some counselling OP, genuinely!

It goes without saying that there’s nothing wrong with your physical person, and absolutely nothing - outside your mind - to stop you browsing fashionable websites and ordering clothes that appeal to you.

Ok so you could try wide leg high waist trousers. Very neat suede trainers or flat leather shoes. Short fitted/neat jumper or cardigan or tucked in shirt. In summer the trousers can be linen or a cotton fabric and the jumper short sleeved (or a blouse).
Try a few on to get a feeling for how wide/long the trousers should be on you.

I know it's Boden and ridiculous colours but you get the idea on shape. This is still smart but comfortable and more current than the knee length dresses.
https://www.boden.com/products/women-grace-colour-block-cardigan-bright-cherry-k1232red

There’s nothing wrong with you OP, if you can’t see anything positive start looking in a mirror and think if that was a friend what compliment you would give them. I was going through a bad patch a few years ago, similar age to you, and I started taking a photo before I left the house each day in the mirror. Id look at it later and pretend it was someone else and I’d see positives that way, if I regarded it as me I’d only see the negatives.

im also 5ft 4 and I agree it can be hard to get the correct lengths I currently try standard and petite to see which is best. I’m a completely different shape and size to you, much bigger, but also have pale skin. I can guarantee your arms and legs are all fine a little on display is no big deal.

id start by trying flats as then you can introduce all sorts of different styles. Flat loafers or Mary janes with loose black or navy trousers and smart tops for work. Cardigans over if the office gets cold.

as for casual I’d say anything goes. I wear loungers or leggings and plain tops at home, popping to the shops leggings with a nicer top or jeggings or wide fit jeans with a top. Out for coffee usually jeans and a pretty top or a dress.

just start small and try a few new styles or colours and see how you get on.

Clothes should fit you, not the other way round, get trousers tailored if needed.
There's nothing wrong with pale skin! And ignore the children you work with who call you short, they sound immature and dull.

If you do this, be aware that John Lewis have unisex changing rooms. There are no signs telling you this is the case.

I was mortified to find this out during a bra fitting. There was only a flimsy ill fitting curtain between myself and the man whilst my breasts were exposed. I felt extremely vulnerable.

John Lewis won't tell you and don't acknowledge that some of their customers want to make an informed choice when they're removing their clothes.

I agree that you sound overly focussed on all your perceived flaws.

People at work call you short? Who cares! Wear flat shoes if you like them. They're calling you short anyway so it's not going to make any difference.

Wearing clothes where your legs are visible isn't 'showing them off'. It's just...wearing a skirt.

I am a bit taller than you. Slim and flat chested and pale. 48. I like wearing wide leg trousers, a more fitted jumper and leather trainers for work. Practical and comfy. On rainy days I revert back to skinnies tucked into mid-calf boots. Definitely not the height of fashion but I don't work in fashion or media so it's not important. No one at my work is particularly fashionable either 🙂

Just coming back to this to ask if you do much exercise @Rainagainandagain? Doing regular exercise (cardio and weights) has totally changed how I see my body. I don't think my actual shape has changed that much, but how I feel definitely has.

You are so fortunate, @Rainagainandagain - slim, average height, apparently mainstream build, healthy enough to be able to leave your house every day without assistance, a job with an income that allows you to make choices, friends, unlimited access to the internet. You’re in probably the luckiest 0.00000000000000000000000001% of all the humans who have ever lived on this planet.

And you may have another fifty years to enjoy all you’ve been blessed with.

I appreciate that you may be temporarily discombobulated by menopause symptoms - but this is exactly the time when you can call in aid the literally infinite store of fabulous clothes, jewellery, accessories available to you from anywhere in the world.

I don’t understand why working in an office of ‘mostly men’ makes a difference to how you choose to dress as a grown up woman? Unless you mean the relative lack of other women means you don’t get to observe many different ways of dressing?

I am a decade and a half older than you, an inch shorter, at least two stone heavier. I’ve never had a daughter, and my younger female relatives are almost all on other continents. And my friends mostly have very different tastes and priorities to me. What I do have is more than half a century of Vogue reading, an abiding love of clothes and the creativity and craft that goes into making them, decades of trying on in shops, and about fifteen years of almost exclusively online shopping for clothes that bring me joy and work for my life. I don’t give a fig for my height, or clothes size, or chest measurement. I positively embrace being free to choose clothes and dress to please myself.

There is nothing to stop you doing the same.

Where have you shopped recently?

Thanks so much! I think i am a bit fed up i think i might be peri menopausal without knowing it as my periods are all over the place and not had ine for two monts as usually so regular. I am recovering from iron deficiency anaemia had to have transfusion as it was caused by the heavy flooding periods i thought was normal.. they are being investigated and still waiting for results and possible coil or hysterectomy. Maybe it's a combination of things.. making me feel dated. The only ladies shop in town is New Look that sells Apricot dresses so I buy those but nothing fancy.. I also shop at Next and M and S and sometimes TKMaxx. I like going to the Trafford Centre but feel a bit overwhelming with all the choices and don't know how to put everything together.
A fantastic idea thank youu is dressing in the clothes i love instead of clothes that are just OK.
I used to be a bit of a rock chick in my younger days wearing jeans leather jacket etc but I feel a bit old to dress like that now and a bit unsuitable for work. I miss those days so much.
Sorry i should have made it clearer that I work with mostly men so i dont have any female colleagues to ask their advice.

Oh … (Don’t want to monopolise your thread but I sincerely empathise with the anaemia, etc. Not really for this thread but, if it comes up, ask about fibroid embolisation.)

Apparently the Trafford Centre Is Not What It Was (so no need to waste any more time there).

Here are some completely mainstream contemporary brands / shops, easily accessible online. Even if some are not at your preferred price point you should still look hard at everything for the sake of inspiration. And remember that sales and pre-owned sites exist. Browse with a tape measure beside you, and try to establish where the best alterations service is locally. A dry cleaners will take up hems.

& Other Stories
Acne Studios
American Vintage
Arket
Boden
Collagerie
Community Clothing
Cos
Essential Antwerp
Justine Tabak
Kemi Telford
Mango
Margaret Howell
Massimo Dutti
Plümo
Net-a-Porter
SSense
The Frankie Shop
Sister Jane
Toteme
Uniqlo
YMC
Zara

This doesn’t include about a million athleisure places. Obviously other posters will offer other places. The important thing is to force yourself to be open minded and ready to re-imagine yourself as someone who enjoys getting dressed. Because it can be a real help when you’re feeling less than secure in your body.

Thank you so much. Everything has knocked my confidence.
This sounds a great idea.
I'm working on self confidence. I will 100% see the GP for some help re menopause as I until you start writing things down and talking you realise how much life has changed and how much Ive lost my vavoom and I've lost my self confidence. I need to work on the positives I have thank you so much. And treat myself.

I hardly exercise I have a sit down office job.
The ex didn't help but we split. He was always picking at my flaws. Like small boobs pale skin freckles and flabby thighs. They aren't loose skin just inner thigh flab that is tough to shift. I tried doing some exercises but nothing worked. He had impotence so think he put his insecurities onto me.
Maybe some exercise would help.
I've got in a rut.

Ooh that sounds nice. Thanks for the pointers. Very kind of you.

Good idea. I like Instagram. I l8ke what some celebs wear and I could tailor it to my own price range. Thanks

It's amazing writing things down how much I realise how my life has changed and how I no longer do what I enjoy and wear what I enjoy. Since the lockdown I have changed and need to work on my vavoom and self confidence. I've lost the old me due to a rubbish ex partner and health trouble and probably perimenopause.
The anaemia and being in hospital has given me a shake up and got me evaluating my life and what's important.

It sounds like your ex, possibly combined with peri, has messed with your head. 5ft4 is not tall, but i wouldn't consider that massively short either. I am 5ft4 and I have plenty of friends who are slightly shorter than me.

Have you cinsidered one of those styling boxes, outfittery or lookerio? I feel they aren't perfect, but they do help with alternatives and trying things on.

Definitely second idea of Instagram or tik tok for ideas.

If you want to start updating your wardrobe and dont want to go all out in one go (I'm guessing you would feel self conscious, especially at work?) What about a few changes?

Eg some straight leg trousers with a blouse tucked in and a good v-neck and ankle boots. Its not cutting edge but more stylish while still comfortable. Me &em often has great options and seems to be better for smaller busted ladies!

Or if you want to do something more like your old style, trousers but with a t-shirt, cropped blazer and statement necklace.

Thank you I like this idea a lot.
It's been a bit of a tough time and not feeling 100% and waiting for anaemia tests to come back.
Thanks for your time. A styling box sounds good for some inspiration and ideas.
Feeling better and more positive already.

Sounds like you are well rid of this guy!!

I LOVE having small boobs. They're so easy! No man who has seen me naked has ever complained about them (and they are so small that bras with cup sizes don't fit, I need ones that are generic size small/XS etc).

It definitely sounds like your ex was criticising you to draw attention away from his ED.

I do all my exercise at home using YouTube videos. My family are now perfectly used to seeing me lunging around with dumbbells. I find it great for my confidence and mental health. I started with body-weight stuff and felt a difference in my strength levels quite quickly.

Do you have a yoga mat, @Rainagainandagain? I know you’re not feeling your best , physically, but even a few minutes of gentle yoga a few times a week will help you to feel pleased with yourself. Don’t do it in the pursuit of any particular result, just for the way it feels in the moment and the gradual expansion of experience of how your body moves.

I prefer a book to videos / online lessons, but you’ll know what suits you best. You should be able to find guidance on yoga for menopause / gynaecological issues.

A bright yellow mat from Liforme would bring a burst of sunshine into your days - but other mats are available. 🌞

I'm your age, you can find your love of clothes again if you want to.

I recommend Style Me Happy on Facebook. You can join the free community page and there are loads of women of various ages and sizes posting outfits, some post for help others to provide ideas and inspiration to others. They are positive about using what you have in new ways rather than shopping (unless you want to, when they will happily enable you).

It is a lovely friendly space, you can get extra help via paid services if you want to but you can just enjoy looking at the ideas and posting your own questions.

There are various Instagram pages that are worth a follow too. Club40Claire, wears my money and Wardrobe of a midlife crisis might inspire you a bit. There are others too.

The_struttlife on Instagram is good too, very positive about wearing what you love, and not hiding your personality, also some good perimenopause content. She's about your age and also a little on the short side.

Mrs_midlife is great too