What on earth can I wear to a 40th? (Short and fat)

[ADress]

Lovely people who have helped me so often in the past… I’m in dire need.

I’m short, 5’3” and now probably more of a size 18 bottom half, large tummy but lacking those fabulous large boobs some people have to allow tops to skim their tummies. So somewhere 16-18 top half. Very short in the body. No waistline.

I’m late 40s and have completely blobbed out over the last eight months. Every part of me is flabby. I’ve no idea how to even begin to dress for my shape or look good.

But there’s a 40th I’ve been invited to next month and I don’t know what to wear. Smart casual. I want to look nice but not stand out. Low budget because I doubt I’ll need to wear these things again, but could spend a little for a decent pair of trousers and top of they are versatile.

The only thing I can think of which I own that still fits which may be of help is a pair of slim fit black jeans, but I don’t think they’re all that flattering. I don’t think anything is anymore!!

Any suggestions please?

Agree re the dress/jacket combination being a failsafe option - as you don't need to think about waistbands!! And it's more lengthening.

This is the current version of the Toast dress I think you're meaning? I have a few (eBay) ones in a similar shape from them - they're a sort of semi-fitted kimono-sleeved dress, I suppose? The waistline has a few slight pleats so it narrows slightly at the waist - but is still loose not constricting. Would agree that they're comfy & flattering! Also, I am a foot taller than you but a similar dress size, so it's good to know they work so well for different heights!

https://www.toa.st/products/bryn-herb-print-dress-brilliant-blue

Toast does have a bad habit of dressing the models' feet in socks & footwear that make them look as if they've just escaped from the nursing home ...!!!

... but I have worn mine out for dinner with knee-high Jigsaw boots or coloured opaque/lace tights & Chie Mihara sandals, with a simple blazer on top. Dressed down I wear with biker boots/my Zadig & Voltaire Joe boots. And a short kimono cardigan that I love (& I don't care what you think, all you cardigan-haters on MN!!).

They also have it in dark indigo, which is lovely & I may have to keep an eye on their sales ... And I've realised that I have three other Toast dresses that are similar in shape to it!

I think the reason it works for apple shapes so well - certainly me anyway - is that:

1: The narrowest part of my torso is above my natural waistline ie just below my boobs, before the bulge starts! And that's where the pleating/ "waist" area is on the dress;
2: It also nips in very slightly at that point, so gives the hint of a waist while still being loose, not fitted: and
3: The pleats are just over the dreaded stomach area & aren't that voluminous, so they fall straight down.

These are the ones I have. Only the blue is a Bryn, but they're all similar in fit. I think a Toast XL is meant to be 16-18, which is probably what I am right now but I think I fit into an L? So they might fit someone larger depending on cut?

There are plenty on eBay & Vinted ...

Wow! Thank you all! I’m blown away by the responses, thanks for taking the time to reply. I’ve read them all, and I’m sorry I know I’ll forget to address some of the points raised, but I’ll give it a go!

~ the party is at their [beautiful and large] home. There’s no set dress code but I’ve been through a lot recently and I’m really hoping to try and feel good about myself rather than just hide away in black jeans and a baggy top like normal.
~ I have young children and baby sitters cost a fortune so yes, I might get out again once in a blue moon, but it’s very infrequent
~ pp doing the fabulous, fabulous drawings pretty much nailed it. I am almost like the snowman but with an even less discernible waist
~ being short in the body, a challenge with dresses is that the designed waist is lower on me and often sits around my hips, which are very wide, and hence they don’t fit at all. I do try and get petite where possible which helps
~ without wishing to sound unduly negative, I genuinely do not have one single part of me I’d choose to highlight or focus on
~ I’m terrible at accessories. Don’t know what to wear with what or how to wear them so don’t own many and generally shy away. I do look at others and think they’re great, but really don’t know what to do myself
~ the much discussed knot front dress would be too much bulk on my fattest area
~ I keep seeing mention to try wide leg trousers but honestly think they highlight how wide my arse is! I’m as wide as my legs are long (short).
~ none the less, I’ve bought a pair of wide leg trousers and have some slim fit jeans, plus I’ve ordered an array of tops. And I’ve ordered loads of dresses.

I will report back with photos for opinions!

If you Google Siohbhán McSweeney outfits you’ll see some of the fantastic outfits she wears.
She’s on Great Pottery Throwdown at the moment and is very fabulous!

I love this look which may suit you. If you are short waisted then try a shorter jacket to keep the proportions right.

That is dreadful!! Sounds like my pregnancy experience at Seraphine where they just brought out smaller sizes and made me feel depressed.

BTW I have got some Live Unlimited stuff from JL in the past, when I have put on weight. Their own customer service if you buy stuff from them directly (Trustpilot) sounds dubious, so buy from a third party. But they have a wide range and some is low key stuff you could dress up and wear during the day.

Right then. Mixed results. None of the dresses was as great as I’d hoped, but with heels, the wide legged trousers were not as bad as in the shop changing room. So I’m down to either the black top and trousers or the blue dress. I know the blue colour is better on me, but I feel like my tummy is more visible in the blue, but not enough to put me off wearing it completely. God knows what synthetic fabric it is, but it’s on my mind that I could be a bit too warm, especially with the long sleeves. The black trousers and top are extremely comfortable and safe. It doesn’t show up too well in the pics, but the top has quite a bit of detailing. It might just come down to how I feel on the day. (Please be gentle with your comments).

I like them both!
could you not go a bit more colourful with your top with the trousers?

The trousers look great on you. I think the dress is a bit too long, so it swamps you a bit- the neckline is good though.

I like the black with trousers. Looks lovely on you. Are those the shoes you are planning to wear?

So glad you've reappeared @ADress !!! I was a bit worried that you might have taken great offence at my apple/pear diagrams!!!

You've been so unforgiving about your weight & body shape (I get it, I do it myself) that I wasn't sure what to expect from the photos of you in the new outfits ... but you look good!!! Honestly - I have no need to be gentle.

However - I became so de-railed by drawing diagrams that I forgot to post proper suggestions, & then went off on a tangent about Toast dresses! They would (I think) be great on you - but I think too casual/quirky for what you're after, as you've now said it's a 40th at someone's big beautiful home.

I'd originally been thinking it was probably at a restaurant in a city so would involve footwear to walk in, a coat/jacket etc, in March. But I'm now assuming that all you need to think about is your indoor outfit? Including footwear or are you planning on those red sandals or other heels? And some jewellery too if need be?

I'm not quite sure, though, if it's an either/or decision with the two outfits you posted? Or are you going to try a few other things if you see any other suggestions you like?

If it's the latter, where did you get the dress & the top/trousers from OP - as the photos are ok but a bit hard to discern detail from very well? Could you post the links to them - & the other dresses you ordered & rejected, & say why they didn't work for you? Are the dress & trousers from petite ranges?

From the two outfits you like so far, you seem to like quite minimal slinky stuff? In block colours rather than florals/patterns - or is that just coincidence that these fitted & you quite like them?!

I'd agree with @RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie that the blue dress is a tad long-looking, but that the neckline is good (excellent expanse of creamy décolletage!!). But I'd also agree with you that - probably because it looks like a slightly unforgiving synthetic jersey (maybe with a sheen? It's hard to tell from the photos so I may have got that all wrong!!) - it could look a bit better in the stomach area? It looks like it's quite fitted?

However - are you wearing it with an excellent supportive & lifting bra & high-waisted control knickers? As this kind of dress needs that - if not, the dress (& your figure ) won't be shown at their best? That might make all the difference - but if you don't want to fork out on new underwear (as even decent mid-range stuff is expensive), then I'd wear something a wee bit more forgiving. Also, patterns or black do "disguise" the bits you don't like more successfully than plain brights IMO (though the fabric also matters).

The silhouette of the black blouse & trousers looks slimmer, though again its hard to make them out (see, wide-leg trousers CAN work on apples!). Think it needs some simple but dramatic earrings & a bangle/cuff if you're going all black though.

You did say above, though: "I've been through a lot recently and I'm really hoping to try and feel good about myself rather than just hide away in black jeans and a baggy top like normal".

So on the one hand you've gone of your comfort zone a bit by ordering a slinky blue low-cut dress & wide-leg trousers - but then seem to have retreated back into a bit by pairing up black trousers & top that seem to be a slightly dressier version of your norm? Are you feeling a bit on the fence about which way to go ....??!

Is this the black blouse, OP, for £44?
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su706532/f68027

And is this the dress, for £42?
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su984827/g75083

No idea which trousers they are though!!!

One thing to consider (as you may be tempted to get the dress, it costing less than the blouse & trousers) is that you'll probably get a lot of wear out of the separate top & trousers, or any similar outfits - both as an outfit & with other clothes you already own?

I think you look brilliant in the trousers outfit, @ADress.

I’d just choose that and book hair and make up and concentrate on what a lovely time you’re going to have 😊

I think the top & trousers look perfect for the occasion, flattering and like you would feel comfortable and confident in it. Don't second guess yourself, you've found something that looks great and you're happy in, go for it.

I too prefer the top and trousers to the blue dress but wouldn’t wear them with the pink sandals.

I was wondering about shoes and generally I agree with you. However, as a one off and if the OP thinks she’s unlikely to get much wear out of ‘going out’ stuff, it doesn’t really seem worth spending more money on something new. Also, if the party is in a house, I’d expect people to take their shoes off on arrival, so it probably doesn’t much matter anyway.

Ultimately, I think a pair of black heeled suede boots are a useful addition to most wardrobes, or some black, white, nude or silver block heeled sandals from a shop that makes‘comfortable’ shoes. These would suit most occasions then.

I think both look good but think the black looks particularly appropriate. I know you said you shy away from accessories but that outfit would be super easy to do - cuff type bracelet, possibly a dangly earring, bold lipstick. I’d be tempted to get a clutch too. I like the pink shoes myself and if they are comfortable wear em. All the jewellery can be picked up super cheap in supermarkets/primark. Pick the metal that suits you best - black goes with both. Trip to Superdrug fit the make up

Yeah if your wearing the black outfit with the pink shoes then maybe think of getting a pink bag to match? Possibly with a chunky pink bead necklace or something?

Disagree with the below- I think chunky pink beads and pink bag would cheapen it.

I was wondering if/when the "shoes on/off" topic would raise its divisive head!!!

For a (probably quite dressed up) 40th birthday party at someone's house, I would definitely NOT expect to have to remove my footwear at the door?!!!

Even if the hosts preferred that on an everyday basis (if they had pale carpets/parquet floors etc), I wouldn't expect it on this occasion? And I'm not sure that it would be expected, as people will be all spruced up & wearing their "good" shoes?

I have two 60th birthdays at people's homes (one a proper country mansion) coming up - now I'm panicking about the gold heels I was planning on wearing!!!

Figure out if they are people who insist you leave your footwear at the door and walk around in your socks. This derails shoe plans.

Also would consider buying something more chunky as footwear and a bit of a bold statement like leopard print. I have a similar frame and think that a chunky shoe can look better than a finer one.

Also I would hit Sainsbury’s to get some dramatic costume jewellery for going out. If it’s going to be an expensive night (taxi, babysitter etc) and you don’t fancy paying for hair, you could get some cheap big Velcro rollers in Home Bargains, put them in around the crown, spray in some volume products and do your own party hair. I bet there is a YouTube/tiktok somewhere to show you hair and make up.

Please send that blue dress back. It’s not a brilliant shape. It wouldn’t do anything for Cindy Crawford.

I think more voluminous hair is more flattering for me anyway as it just looks better proportionally.

@EleanorMc67 You’d be taking your shoes off at my house or not coming in - but my house is neither big nor posh. I used to have some little black velvet slippers to change into for house parties, but they died and I haven’t replaced them. Then again, I never get invited to posh dress up occasion house parties!

the blue is bad, it’s a no, it does nothing for you.

the black is fine but the trousers are too short, they should be about an inch or so longer, and the shoes don’t go at all.