What on earth can I wear to a 40th? (Short and fat)

[ADress]

Lovely people who have helped me so often in the past… I’m in dire need.

I’m short, 5’3” and now probably more of a size 18 bottom half, large tummy but lacking those fabulous large boobs some people have to allow tops to skim their tummies. So somewhere 16-18 top half. Very short in the body. No waistline.

I’m late 40s and have completely blobbed out over the last eight months. Every part of me is flabby. I’ve no idea how to even begin to dress for my shape or look good.

But there’s a 40th I’ve been invited to next month and I don’t know what to wear. Smart casual. I want to look nice but not stand out. Low budget because I doubt I’ll need to wear these things again, but could spend a little for a decent pair of trousers and top of they are versatile.

The only thing I can think of which I own that still fits which may be of help is a pair of slim fit black jeans, but I don’t think they’re all that flattering. I don’t think anything is anymore!!

Any suggestions please?

Agreed. The @ADress isn’t huge, and voluminous frocks aren’t going to flatter

I agree. I would avoid M&S.

I think the M&S Autograph range has become pretty good once more of late (after decades of dreary stuff). Still more day than evening wear though (mostly), & cut for taller women I think.

OP, I’m nearly thinking you could just DM me and I could post you something.

I find that a fitted shirt with an above knee straight skirt can work. It’s important that the shirt is not too small because you want to be comfortable. Something like this but maybe a size up from your normal size so you get move more freely.

Everything I have ever tried on from M&S looks awful on me. I have given up. Fatface midi dresses tend to work well for me, as a well insulated person.

OP you will also have presumably want nice shoes and a dressy jacket and a bag.

There is some nice stuff now, but it is risky!

Sainsbury’s have a few black party dresses over from Xmas for £8 and £10 - might not be your cup of tea but on the off chance

tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/browse/women/dresses/c:841889/colour-group:blacks/style:mini/?tag=features:party-outfit-ideas:mini-black-dress

I think keep it simple and elegant. How about this:
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su761063/y22569

Sorry, totally disagree about this.

I have a massive stomach. I used to wear nice jeans and tops which ended at my waist or hips for smart casual. I don't now as it shows my massive stomach off. I would feel AWFUL in them.

These days I wear nice dresses that don't cling to my shape, specifically to hide my stomach. I feel comfortable and well put together in them, they certainly don't draw attention to the thing I am trying to hide, they hide it.

What nonsense!

Could you wear this with some boots? Seems quite versatile.

www.whistles.com/product/rina-trapeze-dress-37642.html

What about this dress? It’s not in fashion, so it won’t go out of fashion either. Bit pricey but nice fabric.

uk.daughtersofindia.net/collections/midi-dresses/products/kyra-midi-dress-tangerine

She’s been invited to a party, not to work in a travel agency!

OP - how about some dark slim flare jeans?

Or a PP linked to a denim midi dress, which looks like it might be quite versatile.

This isn’t the same thing at all, what you describe is dressing to flatter your shape. I and the pp were referring to the idea that a big baggy top, for example, will hide a big belly: it doesn’t

@falalalalalalalallama @MsOtisReflects @Ophir I agree that you're probably talking at cross-purposes, & probably all mean the same thing!!! Trying to hide things under too much shapelessness & volume doesn't work (though some carefully considered looseness/volume in line with one's proportions does, IMO). Skimming over the wobbles & squidges with the right shapes & proportions in clothing, & concentrating on great jewellery/hair/shoes etc, doesn't disguise anything either - but it can refocus the eye very well indeed!!

I keep doodling little diagrams of different body shapes when I think about what works for varying heights & shapes & weight distribution. And I was thinking that the OP describes herself as:

"Short, 5'3" ... a size 18 bottom half, large tummy but lacking...large boobs; 16-18 top half; very short in the body ... no waistline".

To me that's a short apple/pear hybrid ...?! As she has weight around her middle, little defined waistline & is a bit heavier around the bum & hips than up top? Which is something like ... this? (It's an exaggerated doodle btw, before I'm lambasted for my drawing skills & rudeness!).

So when a short apple x pear woman wears a big long baggy top with tapering trousers, it does something like this & makes her look even shorter & rounder???

Whereas if the same woman wore a V-neck, slightly A-line dress, maybe an unbelted shirtwaister, to below her knees/calf length, it skims her body, optically lengthens with the V-neck & leaves her lower arms & legs free of too much cloth?

In contrast, a short overweight hourglass shape (or pear) with a defined waistline could wear the same dress belted?

Omg you are on to something with this.. @EleanorMc67 And I have just realised that’s why the jeans I just bought don’t work! My tummy/lack of waist looks better in the dresses I usually wear.

Only if really a pear, definitely not an apple. I'm similar to OP (5'3, mid 40s, a larger size 18, large tum) and I find belts always move around and I end up looking pregnant.

Do we know anything more about the party, venue etc? I think this will help give some direction.

Personally I'm enjoying Oliver Bonas atm. They have some nice dresses in the sale. For me, the waist on these falls just above my biggest point so it's more flattering. Also they are very generous in their sizing so I think you'd size down to a 16.

https://www.oliverbonas.com/fashion/blue-corduroy-shirred-bodice-collared-mini-dress-389014#selection.color=15

https://www.oliverbonas.com/fashion/brown-animal-print-puff-sleeve-collared-mini-dress-389025#selection.color=2006

I suspect a lot of us are more invested than OP about this party. It sure does beat cleaning up my kitchen.

John Lewis offer free styling sessions, Op. You brief them on what you are looking for (ie clothes suitable for parties which are also suitable for everyday life). They organise a rack before you arrive and you just need to stand behind the curtain and try things on. You are not obliged to buy. I found it helpful as they did the legwork and it was an efficienr use of time. They produced nice things which I would never have noticed in a million years.

It's actually been quite a fun wee exercise!

Now that I'm fatter around the waist, I'm also finding it harder to find trousers that suit me & fit well - as it seems to be more often assumed in clothes manufacturing that the balance is large of bum & small of waist. Jeans-wise, my usual straight-leg medium-high waist Levis still fit (just!) as they have stretch - but the side view ain't pretty ...

So I make sure I wear straight-cut jumpers that are slightly longer than I used to wear with jeans - not totally over my bum, as that looks shit on just about any shape, but just long enough to cover the straining convex zip area!

The other trousers I still love & wear are an ancient pair of Jigsaw satin trousers (silky but quite fine semi-matte fabric, part of what they used to call their Crocus range). Elasticated waist way before lockdown!! And I was quite thin then ... The fabric is so fine that the trousers & skirts fall straight down over the stomach, whereas other thicker/stiffer fabrics would add too much volume? They are ultra flattering & comfy & versatile - & very roomy so I wear a 12-14 instead of 16.

I've been doing the "chunky cashmere rollneck + satin skirt" in mine this winter - as bias-cut satin skirts would not look good on me these days ...

I've added some images of them - as there are similar trousers & skirts out there. Though they can still be found on eBay/Vinted as skirts, tops & sometimes the trousers & culottes (which look just like a skirt). I've recommended them before on here for the "waistless" among us!!

Sometimes they have little smocked panels as well as an elasticated waist. The skirts range from knee-to calf-length (calf- to maxi-length on someone shorter), & the culottes would be trouser length on someone shorter.

Anyway, you didn't ask about any of that, but I just thought I'd spread the word about them again for apples!!!

Not for plus size they don't

Unless it's changed since I tried to use this service a few years ago, they only offer this service up to size 18 in-store.

Above an 18, they do an online appointment, which was a huge disappointment. The stylist obviously pinned me as an "old lady" and got the most frumpy old fashioned clothes for me.

When I tried to express I'd like something a bit more stylish, she found some clothes two dress sizes too small and said "this would be good if it came in your size, maybe try this and hope it fits". So, a total waste of time in the end :(